How to help MIL

[Shiresunshine]

I posted yesterday about my MIL wanting to babysit and be an involved grandparent when my baby is born. However, she is an alcoholic.

Over the years she’s had some major “rock bottoms” but somehow not enough to scare/ convince her into getting help. Family have spoken to her on numerous occasions, 3/2 of her children have gone non contact for periods of time, younger BIL returned home after living abroad and it’s having an awful impact on his mental health now.
She has a partner, been together 4/5 years, her issues long precede him, however I believe him to be an enabler.

Can anyone offer any advise on how to get her help or share what made you realised you needed intervention?

Is there a rehabilitation centre she can stay at for a while? I would simply (and nicely) make it clear to her that before she could be involved with your child in that way she needs to get real help with the issue before it’s too late. Does your DP do or say anything about it to her? Has she ever accepted or asked for help?

I read your thread yesterday.
Can I ask who is suggesting this? Unless it is coming from her then I suspect you are wasting your time and I would suggest that your dh and bil and other siblings arrange counselling for themselves

@SailorJayne
There is a rehab place within driving distance from us, we’ve offered to pay for this for her, but until she admits she needs the help I don’t know if it would work? She has in the past said she’d “cut back” and “only drink at the weekend” but it doesn’t work out like that. DH has spoken to her a lot about it, he’s told her that she wouldn’t be left with baby and explained why.

@Berthatydfil
I fear it’s wasting my time sadly.
I didn’t think about counselling, good suggestion. Thank you!

Rehabilitation doesn’t work for an addict, unless they want recovery.
However the family can get supports for themselves www.al-anonuk.org.uk Al-Anon family groups are UK wide, have a helpline, resources, lots of info on their website.
Well done for putting in boundaries, children need to be protected.

I thought you were writing about my mum there... Maybe you're one of my Sils? 🤔😂

The short and blunt answer is it is utterly pointless unless she wants to stop. You can't get her help. She has to want it and get it and stick to it. You can't help her with any of those steps as it all has to come from her. In terms of support for those around her, like your struggling bil, al-anon is an excellent resource for families of alcoholics.

I've heard the same for all three of my children from my mum, as well as for my niece. It's all hot air and wishful thinking as she consistently prioritises drink over her family and has for 23 years. She doesn't think she has a problem because she holds down a professional job and isn't homeless. Because obviously that's what all alcoholics are. 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️