Hi OP,
I am a long time lurker and created an account specifically to reply to you. I relate to your story so much. I was also drinking at least a bottle and a half of wine every night, sometimes two. I also have a daughter and a great life and couldn't understand why I just couldn't stop drinking. And I also had really bad anxiety.
I stopped drinking in October 2019. It took many tries and day 1s but October 2019 I was at my breaking point and I had a path to choose, I could continue down the path I was going, lose my daughter, ruin my mental health and my future or I could stop drinking. I knew that was my only two options so I had to stop.
Now that is easier said than done, I know that. Simple advice such as, save your money, don't buy the wine in the first place etc just don't cut it.
What worked for me (and may not work for you) -
- I went to the doctor and got put on anti depressants and took them everyday without fail how I was meant to.
- I bought loads of quit literature - how to kick the drink easily by Jason vale (life changing for me), the sober diaries by Claire pooley, the unexpected joy of being sober amongst many more. I read them any spare minute I had.
- I joined 'club soda together' on Facebook. It is a private members page and no one on your friends list etc can see you are on it. It is full of over 15000 members all either trying to get sober or sober. On Instagram there are loads of sober pages - start with thissobergirl and go from there.
- I created a bedtime routine - for me, cup of tea and a biscuit, skincare routine, floss and brush teeth, half hour scrolling phone, read some quit lit and sleep.
- I got some counselling through a free addiction service they have in my area. Your area will have the same - ask your GP but I self referred.
- I had to step back from certain friends that triggered me.
- I started really really trying to enjoy and appreciate the small things of life, a good cup of coffee in the morning, a hot shower after a long day, the sunset etc.
- I was so kind to myself, more than I ever have been in my life. I was soooo tired in the early days of being sober but I allowed myself to nap as, I'm not sure about you but I was used to waking up at 3 am with anxiety every night due to the alcohol so my body needed to catch up on all that uninterrupted sleep. I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to be lazy. I allowed myself to eat all the biscuits, the sugar cravings were out of this world in the early days.
- whenever I had a craving I would eat - I promise you a lot of the time when you are craving alcohol it instantly disappears when you eat. Or I would go out a walk. Or go for a shower. Or go a drive. Or cry. Or scream in frustration. Anything to get through it.
- I also for the first few months would have becks blue 0.5 percent beer, it got me through some cravings and it felt like a treat. They faded out naturally and now I'd much rather have a cup of tea.
Within three months my anxiety was almost non existent. The feeling you get after the first few sips of wine - that content feeling in your stomach? I started getting that from doing things like spending time with my daughter, going a walk with my dad, watching a great film, cosied up in bed on a Friday with an incense stick going. This overwhelming feeling of contentment that I had never experienced or thought possible without alcohol in my life.
This is just my experience and perhaps you can take certain bits from it that you feel might help you. I am still on my anti depressants 2 years later - they have really helped. Drinking barely crosses my mind. I went to a concert sober last Monday and had a blast and I danced! Something that I never thought I would ever be able to do. However, it took me along time to get there, I was a recluse for the first 6 months of sobriety as I couldn't handle social situations. But you can't just resume normal life - you have a problematic relationship with alcohol, you need to relearn how to do life without it.
Trust me if I can do it, you certainly can.