Depression after dealing with alcohol abuse

[Niater]

For so many years I was unaware I had a drink problem. I had a large group of friends and we used to party every weekend. All of us would get very very drunk and it was just a part of our growing up. I always thought alcohol was a part of everyone’s lives, therefore I wouldn’t just drink when I was out with my friends at the weekend, I would drink most evenings during the week too. Most nights it would be a bottle or so of wine, sometimes more. Quite often if I was with other people we would drink to excess, along with other substance abuse. I learned to function fully at work hungover and I never didn’t do anything because I was feeling terrible from the night before. This went on all through my twenties and into my early thirties.

Fast forward to age 32/33 and I had a lightbulb moment. I started to realise that I drank way more than most people did. I am so lucky to have a partner who doesn’t drink, as I’m easily led astray, therefore I started cutting down on my alcohol intake and becoming aware of my drinking. I now rarely drink, purely because when I do drink (especially if I haven’t eaten anything) I can still take it too far. This now leads to horrendous hangovers that will last for 3 days and crippling anxiety and depression, that will mean I have a week of feeling low and deflated.

My question is this - now I have stopped my abuse of alcohol and realised I used it to mask the problems in my life, will my depression slowly start to fade away as I deal with my issues, or will it always be over me now I don’t use alcohol to make me feel better?

The past few months have been really hard on me (I’m currently dealing with secondary infertility which is so upsetting). Last night I had to take myself to bed at 8:30pm as I was feeling so sad and really just wanted to have a couple of wines to make me feel better, I didn’t and I’m proud of my strength for not giving in, but today I feel so low. I was hoping that once I quit alcohol I would feel happier but I can’t help but feel so sad all the time.

Has anyone been through this? Does it get easier or is depression something I will now learn to live with soberly?

It will take some time to start feeling normal once you stop drinking. But it does happen. I feel calmer and happier now after a year of sobriety. I think the key is to not expect miracles after a week of not drinking. But if you maybe take a month off and see how you feel, you'll have a clearer head, better quality of sleep etc and if you are still feeling depressed it will hopefully become more manageable.
I think the thing you've recognised is that having a few wines isn't the answer. Yes it feels good to be a bit woozy and numb for a couple of hours but the interference with your sleep and the anxiety and dread you wake up with linger for longer and longer the older you get.
Also by feeling you are being proactive, it will help build your confidence and positivity.

I was exactly the same in my twenties, in my thirties I was mostly having babies and working night shifts so alcohol took more of a back seat, the last 4 years though were really bad and I was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine every night with no breaks.

In January I decided I was done and quit for good, I read a really good book by Craig Beck - Alcohol lied to me which really changed my mindset about why I used alcohol and what it was actually doing for me.

One thing that stood out was that if your feeling sad and depressed and looking for a drink to pick you up that actually all your going is kicking the can down the road. Because tomorrow your problems are still there, but worse, because you've added in the anxiety and post drinking depression.

He also has some really important supplementation which really helps to
get your body functioning properly again after years of drinking (b vits most importantly)

It's took a few months but i will never drink again because I feel so much better and more positive going forward.

Also Alcohol Explained was another good one.

You really need to try and change your mindset from alcohol being something that makes you feel better to basically just essentially being a poison.

Good luck x

Well done op for taking responsibility and stopping your drinking and especially for not giving in last night. I’m an alcoholic, I’ve been sober 19 months now. I drank daily to cover up depression and trauma in my past. For that first six months of my sobriety I was absolutely raw emotionally. I felt like an exposed nerve! Every little feeling was intensified and I felt it so so deeply. I guess it’s because I’d been drinking so long as I’d forgotten how it felt to really experience emotions. After the first six months it got better, I started to feel so much better. Keep going op, you’re doing so well x

Thanks so much for all of the support and advice. Feeling like a raw nerve couldn’t be any more perfect than to sum up how I feel, it’s so interesting to actually ‘feel’ something and not just mask it by having a few drinks.

Keep going op. It does get so so much better. There will come a point when having a drink is the last thing on your mind, I hardly even think about it now. My life is a thousand times better for stopping drinking x

I am sorry you're going through all of this and you should be proud of yourself for being sober. Unfortunately, I don't have experience with alcohol abuse, but I do have experience of infertility and mental health issues.
Dealing with infertility can be the cause of trauma and depression alone, let alone with everything else on top, it's a really hard but if you keep taking it a day at a time. I wish you all the best of luck!

I second the vit b. I think omegas are good too. Alcohol depletes your body of all sorts, do a bit of reading and decide what supplements to buy. A month off, healthy eating plus supplements and ideally some exercise will make you feel better, although they won't deal with the reasons for your low mood, you will be better equipped to deal with those reasons.

Alcohol, as with most addictive substances/activities, sabotages your dopamine/serotonin pathways. So when you stop you feel depressed for a while until your brain slowly rebuilds the neural pathways and begins naturally producing it's own dopamine again. This takes 3 months according to scientific research. I gave up smoking 6 months ago and I felt so low for ages. It takes a long while to boost your brain again. Keep going!

pronghornpsych.com/how-long-for-the-brain-to-recover-from-addiction/