Drinking and anxiety

[Emt2012]

Hi
I really need to get this out there. I am in my forty’s and have 2 children and a great husband. Whenever I go out I seem to loose all control, drink too much and then blackout. I then suffer terrible with anxiety for days after.
I went out Saturday night go extremely drunk, got taken home in a taxi by a friend. I cannot remember leaving the pub or the taxi journey home. I now have the worst anxiety ever. I am worried about what I said and what I did. I have contemplated self harm as a result.
I know I must stop drinking. Has anyone else had a similar experience ?

Don’t be too hard on yourself - beer fear is a real and chemical reaction in your body. Whatever happened on the night it’s unlikely to be as bad as it ‘feels’ it is.

However, if you want to give up drinking, that’s one way to be certain to avoid it. Does it happen often?

Thank you for responding. Twice in last 6 months. I am convinced I have made a fool of myself and said and done things I shouldn’t have. Not sure how to make it better ? I think I may have made a pass at another man too - but I love my husband and children so much. Why would I do this ?

who are you going out with. My friends would be embarrassed by me behaving like that - they do drink but not to excess.
Can you arrange something for early the next day so you have a reason not to drink?

We call it hangxiety. It is awful, and pretty much ruined big nights out for me. Chances are you did nothing wrong, but I find myself replaying the night for days and days.

I am sure my friends were embarrassed and that makes it all worse too.
I just can’t handle this awful feeling of shame, guilt, anxiety etc.
I need to stop drinking - it’s the only way to save myself and my marriage.

This is exactly what I am doing. I cannot sleep or eat. I just have this self loathing. It’s awful.

Remember that alcohol is addictive. It isn't lack of willpower that is the problem. It is somehow changing your mindset (imv) so that the upsides don't seem very up.
Perhaps some counselling to understand yourself more and why you do it.
Alcohol makes me feel happy, cheerful, successful, imaginative (I get ideas for new hobbies/ life improvements , I love it.
Unfortunately a serous health issue has meant I need to stop - and I have just like that. Also realising that the good feelings I get last for about an hour max, after that it has little effect and I then have to deal with the hangover, anxiety, bad stomach. When you way that up stopping seems a no brainer.
I haven't tried to reduce intake as after one or two glasses my good intentions go out the window.

weigh not way

Hello OP ! You do have an alcohol problem (like me!)

The feelings you have will 100% pass. Try and rest and push the self loathing away from your mind and be proactive about your future self. After the fist drink or even sniff of alcohol - in some people it can trigger a response in the brain that makes you want to keep going to till you drink far far too much. Its tied in with genetic make up and/or issues we have from our past.

My defining moment of giving up drinking was staggering around a roundabout on a motor way slip road at 2am in the morning. I had no idea where I was. Lucky a young women stopped and made me get in the car and drove me home. DH was furious as he had to leave the kids in bed and come looking for me as I had rang him crying. I am still not even sure which round about it was as there are two near me. Huge roundabouts that several motor ways lead to. I could have been early killed or feel in the embankment and no one would have found me.

There are lots of sober groups you can join, you can even log in to AA on line through 247 hours a day. I actually found that group very comforting after my round about incident. Its people from all round the world and you can just drop in and out. Its very very supportive and every one has the same story or even worse than you.You dont have to speak on it and can just listen. Even though you dont drink every day - that blow out binge drinking shows you do have an alcohol problem.

There are some great books to read about why people binge drink or why they have alcohol issue you are really not on your own.

Be kind to yourself today, you dont need to self flagellate yourself. Talk to your dh and tell him you recognise you have a problem with drinking and would like his support. My Dh didn't think I had alcohol problem as I wasn't drinking every day - just when events were on but most of them ended up the same way, me pissed and needing help to get home. He would just say 'just have two then stop' but I couldn't! After the round about incident he was fully supportive after he cooled down.

If I was you today I would log on to the AA 247 hour zoom meeting just to hear other peoples voices that are going through this or are coming out the other side. There are binge drinkers on there too. Honestly you are not alone in this

Thank you

These responses have been really useful

I've been there too. Went out with work colleagues and blacked out not remembering falling over the table in the restaurant- woke up with several huge bruises.

The Alcohol makes you feel more anxious and you will start to feel better but sounds like you would be better to cut down or give up altogether.

You are not alone believe me

Thank you - feeling awful 😢

When you drink alcohol replaces the GABA you naturally produce hence the initial feeling of exuberance .. then the Gaba leaves your system but your body doesn't step in straight away to start making the GABA naturally again hence the feeling of anxiety .. it takes a while to get the balance back .. longer as you get older .. try eating a big meal before go out to help slow down the effects and absorption - I can't do more than two drinks now but I'm so relieved not to have the beer fear any more - it's horrible I know

I feel your pain. Currently feeling that way myself although for me it’s less ruminating about what I’ve done (this time) it’s more the guilt of feeling so rough and therefore not being the functioning adult I need to be. I cause myself all kinds of work stress due to
Hangovers (mainly hiding them) and the self loathing is horrendous. I need to stop drinking

You have all been so kind and understanding. Hopefully these feelings will pass. What’s done is done and I can’t change that unfortunately.
No more drink for me - things really are going to change.

I used to get so blind drunk that I used to have memory black outs. Would wake up the next day and not remember being in certain bars/clubs etc. I realised I wanted to change. I think you’ve made an amazing first step by realising you 1) have an issue 2) want to do something about it. That is a big part of the battle won.

I can only tell you about my journey rather than give you advice, but I knew that being 100% alcohol free was very unlikely for me, although I did do weeks of no alcohol to prove to myself I could do it. From there I then used the rule that I would only drink if I’ve eaten/with food. In my crazy days I wouldn’t eat for days and would go from stone sober to fully drunk within about an hour. I also realised I had trigger drinks, Prosecco or anything fizzy was particularly bad for getting me drunk, as were the shots that would come out once I was at that stage, tequila in particular was a real black out thing for me. I also introduced the rule that I would only use alcohol to celebrate, so gone were the days when I used to feel stressed and have a drink to feel better or hear some bad news etc.

From following these rules and working really hard to not take it too far I can have a couple of civilised drinks and not make a spectacle of myself.

I’ve now been a mindful drinker for a couple of years, I still slip up from time to time and have to constantly battle with myself to keep in line, but each month that passes the demons are a little further at bay.

Best of luck In your journey, don’t be hard on yourself and massive pay on the back for taking the first steps to recovery.