At rock bottom, please help

[newme2022]

I drink around two thirds to a full bottle of wine six or seven nights a week and have done for many years. I don’t usually feel too bad the next morning - I’m often a little tired and sluggish but I can function and get most things done.

Yesterday though I drank a bit more than usual, about 1.5 bottles, and crucially didn’t have a lot to eat. I made a total fool of myself with friends as I was talking rubbish thanks to the alcohol and made a couple of embarrassing posts on social media whilst drunk.

I woke up this morning feeling horrendous. I can’t stop crying and feel so down. I’m so ashamed of my behaviour and so embarrassed about what I might have said - I can’t remember that much but I know I was talking gibberish. I’ve deleted the social media posts but lots of friends have already seen them.

I’m at rock bottom today and can’t take any more of this awful hangover feeling, another day written off and lost, not to mention the horrific anxiety that comes with it all. I hate myself so much.

I’m in despair and don’t know where to go from here. I absolutely won’t go to my GP (please don’t even suggest it) so need to hugely moderate or give up completely on my own. I’m a very anxious person and drink mainly to relax and stop my constant anxious thoughts.

How do I get through today, the next day, this week and beyond? How do I beat this?

Please help me.

Sertraline has helped me a lot with crippling anxiety (mainly work based). My GP was lovely and kind when I phoned him in tears asking for help. I’d encourage you to give that a go, was a game changer for me!

My point was, OP, that you’re not really at “rock bottom” at all - it seems like you just had the Fear and a hangover.

@Letthelightoflove If it was only the fear and a hangover, then why would I be trying my hardest to cut down? I'd have been back on the booze by now. I haven't felt that bad or ill in absolutely ages, which is why I used the words "rock bottom". I felt so low, sad and full of self hatred and anxious thoughts, which is why I felt compelled to post on here.

You have to find a different way of dealing with difficulties and stress.

My mind is constantly racing with anxiety and alcohol is the only thing that gives some respite from those thoughts.

@Lemming20 do you have any social anxiety? A lot of mine is related to social situations and worrying about how I come across, but work and general stress also cause me a lot of anxious thoughts.

I'm feeling so low tonight - normally I feel quite good and positive after two nights off the drink, but not this time. I think it's because I'm anxious about work and generally tired.

If you've been drinking most nights then it may take a few days for the anxiety to go. The neurotransmitters in your brain will be on overdrive to produce the chemicals they usually get from alcohol (a simplistic explanation!), By day 5 the nerves should have calmed down.

In the mean time baths, walks, herbal tea and treats (not booze). Be kind to yourself and don't worry about the embarrassment thing with the binge. Most of us have been there.

Thanks. I need to do this for so many reasons, I know I do. It’s just so so hard.

My mind is constantly racing with anxiety and alcohol is the only thing that gives some respite from those thoughts.

I just want to say I totally understand this feeling. I've had a couple of nights off the booze and am more anxious than ever just because I can't switch off my constant obsessive thoughts and fears. I feel better and calmer when I have wine. But I understand the feeling of guilt linked to drinking more than 14 units a week. Can you limit yourself to one glass - measure 250ml or less and stop there? That way you can cut down but still get some relief from your brain. I need to see my GP about anxiety too but, having suffered for years, I don't believe in a magic bullet for it. And that goes for wine too, but it is a good temporary bullet.

It takes a while to come to terms with the idea that having none is infinitely easier than having one. It took me a decade. I never, ever thought I'd be able to quit because like you it was the only thing that helped my anxiety. Turns out it was causing about 70% of the anxiety. Once you do a bit of reading about how alcohol works on your brain you'll realise it's like trying to treat a sprained ankle with a hammer. I'm sober nearly 500 days. There is SO MUCH waiting for you on the other side.

OP I did the 90 day challenge on One Year No Beer and now haven’t drunk for 2 years and don’t miss it. Their Facebook group is full of people with similar challenges and goals and is very motivating. It is possible to change your habits and you’ll feel so much better for it. Good luck!

“My mind is constantly racing with anxiety and alcohol is the only thing that gives some respite from those thoughts.“

@newme2022 this right here is your problem. If you truly think that alcohol is the only thing to give you respite from your anxieties, then you’re definitely not in the right frame of mind to help you quit. As long as you keep putting alcohol on a pedestal, you’ll struggle. You need to really look at it for what it is. First of all It’s a depressant, so that “respite” you feel is only very temporary until the next day when anxiety comes back fighting. Also, at the levels you are drinking, it is poison. You really need to think about your relationship with alcohol in the sense that it’s not a magic fix for your anxiety. Who cares if the GP is rude or dismissive? Change GPs! If you went to the shops to buy wine and the cashier was rude and dismissive, I’m sure that wouldn’t stop you from finding another place to buy wine.
I really hope you can try to change the view that alcohol is solving your problems because I promise you there are many better ways to deal with them than to drink x 💐

I really hope you can try to change the view that alcohol is solving your problems

I know it doesn’t solve my problems, but I also know it’s a temporary escape from reality for a few hours. Even knowing I’ll feel hungover the following day seems worth it as I pour my first glass, for the few hours of escapism.

First of all It’s a depressant, so that “respite” you feel is only very temporary until the next day when anxiety comes back fighting. Also, at the levels you are drinking, it is poison.

Thanks. I really need to keep this in mind. I do sometimes get scared that I’m slowly killing myself. But I also hate myself a lot of the time and when I have those thoughts, sometimes I just think screw it, who cares.

I do understand how you feel. I have an anxiety disorder and I used to drink daily to escape. It wasn’t until I had a lightbulb moment that I realised it was contributing more to my anxiety than I realised. I spoke to my go about my anxiety and I’ve been taking sertraline for 15 years now. My life is so much better because of it. I still drink occasionally (a couple of times a month if that) but I don’t use it as a coping mechanism anymore. I PROMISE you that you CAN get through this. Please speak to your GP about your anxiety. They just might surprise you. 💐

Thanks @NotaCoolMum.

I PROMISE you that you CAN get through this. Please speak to your GP about your anxiety. They just might surprise you.

I worry they will see me as a time waster. The NHS is on its knees with a huge backlog of operations to get through, that is a far bigger priority than someone like me. Also when I’ve been before they’ve always been so dismissive, like they can’t wait to get rid of me.

@newme2022

Thanks *@NotaCoolMum*.

I PROMISE you that you CAN get through this. Please speak to your GP about your anxiety. They just might surprise you.

I worry they will see me as a time waster. The NHS is on its knees with a huge backlog of operations to get through, that is a far bigger priority than someone like me. Also when I’ve been before they’ve always been so dismissive, like they can’t wait to get rid of me.

The NHS is on its knees but that is not and cannot be your burden to bare. I understand the feeling of not wanting to look like a time waster etc but I honestly think you’ll be surprised. Don’t try to do everything at once otherwise you may feel overwhelmed. Decide that tomorrow you’ll ring your GP. Take it one day at a time. Please do this for yourself @newme2022. You can do this!! One day at a time. 💐

Read this and then reread it again x

Op,

Could you write a letter to your gp instead? Spell it all out, say you're worried about approaching them, ask for help.

While I've never been a big drinker and been fortunate to never experience dependence on alcohol, I went tea total when I hit a bad patch in life and anxiety sky rocketed. I noticed a very clear correlation between even a small glass of wine and how I felt the next day - anxiety would be sooo much worse.

It's possible you're caught in a cycle, you buy a couple of hours of release at the time but pay for it threefold afterwards. You have another drink to help, but as you say, it only provides escape for a couple of hours.

It's not worth it, the alcohol will be contributing hugely to your anxiety.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You've hit a point where you want to change you behaviours and are desperate to do so. So, now you will.

You drink as a reaction to something. Tackle the underlying cause and find new ways to manage it (the anxiety, or is there more to it?) and you will be able to tackle your drinking. This is where support from therapy or gp can help.

Would you consider approaching Alcoholics Anonymous for help?

You'll manage this, op. You taken a massive step today, stop beating yourself up and remember you're worth so much more than this. You deserve to feel secure without using alcohol as a crutch and a much happier and healthier awaits you.

Thanks TaraR2020.

I went to bed late but slept very deeply last night - it almost felt like my brain was doing some essential repair works or something. I still feel quite flat this morning but am pleased that I’ve managed two days off the booze.

Got up and now feeling quite low again. My head just feels foggy and heavy like I’m still a bit hung over. Ugh.

Feeling better again now and have been relatively productive so far today, compared to how I would have been if drinking the night before.

I'm going to try not to drink tonight and tomorrow, with a view to drink (in moderation!!) on Friday. I would really love to be one of those people who abstains all week then enjoys a few glasses at the weekend.

I can understand how you feel, that release when you drink, but over time I've learnt that it's not really worth it. The next day you just feel worse. Enjoying a drink, or a couple of drinks, is ok IMO but when you're using it to cope with an underlying issue that's where problems start. It's better to tackle the anxiety, then you might find it easier to moderate your drinking. And if you tackle the anxiety and still find you're struggling to moderate, that might be when you think about quitting.

I went through a phase of drinking a lot at the beginning of the first lockdown, when I was struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. I'm in treatment for those now and I'm a very moderate drinker now. You can drink in moderation on a lot of anxiety medication but it's best to speak to your doctor about that for you specifically.

Please see your GP for the anxiety. It's not normal to feel anxious all the time and you don't have to deal with it on your own. And sometimes you need a bit of medication for CBT to work properly if that makes sense.

[quote newme2022]@Lemming20 do you have any social anxiety? A lot of mine is related to social situations and worrying about how I come across, but work and general stress also cause me a lot of anxious thoughts.[/quote]
Yes absolutely OP. Every day. Constant fretting about what everyone thinks. It’s hell. I do think the sertraline has really helped though. Positive thoughts your way x

Thanks Lemming.

I've struggled a bit tonight as DH had a few drinks and I was tempted to join him after a stressful day at work. My head still feels heavy but less so. I'm also feeling a bit less anxious than I did on day 1 and 2, but I'm tired and looking forward to bedtime.

Good luck @newme2022. Stick to your goals and please please speak to your GP. If that one doesn’t get you what you need speak to another. Mental health is just as important as physical health and good GPs are well aware of that x

In my lower moments I have thoughts like, why am I bothering to do this (cut down on alcohol). There's no point trying to improve myself or my health because I'm just a useless waste of space anyway.