How can I stop this?

[Popsicle438]

Name changed for this as I don't want to be recognized.

I cannot sleep without wine, it's the only thing that relaxes me enough to get to sleep. The trouble is, I am now up to a bottle a night and sleeping late in the mornings.

I have tried everything. I've spoken to the GP about it and been prescribed mild sleeping pills but I didn't want to take them as one of the the side effects was weight gain and I'm overweight as it is (because of the wine).

If it was down to me I would stop buying it but DH does the order and he buys up to 14 bottles a week. He can have 2 glasses and then stop but I can't do that.

I have read all the books on giving up, they do nothing for me, they're just words on a screen.

I know I need willpower but I haven't got it.

Anyone?

I work nights and to help me ‘switch’ back to days I take a phenergan tablet to help me sleep my first night off, which works for me. However,I would try the sleeping tablets if I were you.
Will your dh support you and stop buying the wine?

Blacktothepink I work nights and to help me ‘switch’ back to days I take a phenergan tablet to help me sleep my first night off, which works for me. However,I would try the sleeping tablets if I were you. Will your dh support you and stop buying the wine
Thank you, I've tried a Phenergan tablet, it put me to sleep but I woke every hour after that and I was exhausted the next day.

No, DH won't stop buying the wine.

I know what I should do but I have developed a fear of going to bed without the wine. This has been going on now for many years (I am nearly 70 and I've been like this since the menopause).

Have you tried melatonin? You can buy it on the internet. My autistic dd has it to help her sleep (it’s a hormone as opposed to sleeping pill) and it works for her.
The thing is your likely to increase the wine to get the effect. Can you ask your GP to refer you to alcohol support, such as CGL to help you stop drinking? I know it’s tough but the drinking is the main problem here.

I'm guessing maybe there us an addiction and a habit both at play here.And an enabler.
Have you heard of 2 useful things...SMART recovery and Here for You.

Blacktothepink I haven't tried melatonin but I will give it a go. The GP knows about the wine but didn't offer any support. I'll try (yet again) to stop, or at least cut down.
sadperson16
I hadn't heard of either SMART recovery or Here for you, but I'll look into them both. Thank you both.

Wow astounded that your DH won't stop buying wine. Surely he could reduce to what he needs - so two glasses a night: 5 bottles for him for the week?

Could he buy wine you don't like? I wouldn't touch sauvignon blanc so if it's in the house I wouldn't even sniff it.

You are so right about the books being words on a screen. I struggled too. They did nothing. Someone suggested to me Craig Beck Alcohol Lied to Me on audible. I put my headphones in and at the witching hour (7pm) started organising cupboards or other distracting shit and it worked. You get a book free on audible. Try it. If it doesn't work you will have tried. I'm 2 years 4 months free of alcohol.

actiongirl1978 I've asked him more than once to stop buying so much. He cuts down for a couple of weeks, then we're back up to 14 bottles a week. And it's costing a fortune as well. But, I can't really blame him, it's me who needs to stop drinking it.
I don't think it would make much difference what kind of wine he bought, I'd drink anything.

It honestly sounds like he has a problem too. I'm so sorry I can't offer any advice really. I hope you can find a way through this though it must be exhausting to have to drink so much to sleep. I don't feel like I have had any sleep at all after 2 glasses of wine so generally would rather exhaust myself and just crash out.

But I appreciate you have tried all the normal methods of sleeping and if you could just go for a long run, you would.

that it gets better

Tbh it will take a while for your sleeping patterns to come back to normal when you stop drinking, along with all the other temporary side effects like craving sugar.

14 bottles a week seems astronomical to me.
He is an adult, you've asked him to stop or reduce.
Even if it was 12 a week,its heading in the right direction.

I think it sounds like you have a fear of not being able to sleep and feeling exhausted.. it’s not necessarily the wine.. the wine is a crutch as will be medication..
My mom saw a go once who told her as long as you are resting in bed if you don’t sleep your body and mind is at rest and you will still be able to function. You need to unpick this fear. You won’t be able to sleep for a bit if you knock it on the head but acknowledge that is because you are have been relying on it for so long. Take the ‘so what attitude’ it might feel wierd to start with as your nerves on edge but once you start to realise that your habits and your body is changing things will even out. You can do this. Ride the storm and you will eventually get there. If you need a crutch such as medication in the mean just to get you off the alcohol then take it short term and slowly reduce..

It’s ok for things not to be ok for a bit accept it. Xx

Peachee your post makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try tonight and see what happens. It's true that I have a fear of not sleeping. That dates back to the menopause, when I used to have completely sleepless nights sometimes. I couldn't function at all when I was that state, and it's left me with this horror of insomnia.

I totally get the fear of insomnia as I’m peri menopausal and had days where I can’t sleep then have to do a 12 hour night shift. My dd also suffers with anxiety around sleep which is why she takes the melatonin. What happens if you don’t drink wine?

The problem is you have an emotional addiction to alcohol which is very likely to turn into a physical addiction, possibly already has.

Hi OP, I think you have a physical addiction to alcohol and this cannot be stopped by you alone. I cannot believe your GP is not giving you support - I know you all go in snd on in the UK about the wonderful NHS, but honestly, in Ireland our GPs are all paid by the patient (unless the patient qualifies for a medical card, which then pays the GP from government) and therefore they treat us like customers. You should go back (could you try to see another GP in the same practice?) and be open and honest that you are physically addicted to alcohol and need help.

You could also try getting in touch with AA- they are a great support to many people.

Good luck.

Blacktothepink What happens if you don’t drink wine? The problem is you have an emotional addiction to alcohol which is very likely to turn into a physical addiction, possibly already has.
I don't know what happens if I don't drink wine, as I always end up caving in about 2 o'clock in the morning and drinking.
You are probably right about the physical addiction.

Sorry I hope my post doesn’t seem like I’m saying just get over it..
I’ve suffered badly in the past with anxiety and for me the acceptance route is the only way through. Although when you are in the eye of the storm it’s hard to think clearly I get it. It’s so hard but you have definitely moved forward a step by acknowledging it’s not where you want to be.
It will be easier to remain in the habit but you are stronger than you think. Knowledge is power and understanding where you are on the journey is also good. I really hope you have the courage to get through this. I’ve no doubt it will be hard but will be so worth it once you’re through the worst not to have that ball and chair around your neck xxx

Sorry about the typos on my posts xx

I mean this gently but it would appear you’re an alcoholic op. All your gp can do is refer you to addiction services which you can do yourself.