Al-anon , what is it and how does it work?

[fedup078]

Hi, just wondering if Al-anon is religion based like AA
I'm very much an atheist so I'm not sure how I'd get on with that
Also what exactly happens in meetings?
I feel like I need support but not sure how I feel about sitting in a room with other people. What do you talk about?

I'm worried dragging up the past will be more detrimental than helpful but surely a lot of people feel like that but a lot of people sing Al-anons praises on here regularly

Thanks @pointythings I do plan to leave but it's not that easy. He's not someone who drinks every day, he drinks nothing throughout the week when he's at work, it's just on days off it can sometimes get out of hand but even then he's not violent, just an embarrassment!

Our house is too big for just me and DD so I think we'd need to sell it. I'd like to start on my own with a new mortgage straight away rather than wait until DD is 18. But the house isn't ready to sell yet, well not if we want to get as much as possible for it which I need to to make sure I'll have enough in my share of equity to get a mortgage by myself. Complicated. Plus he'll either cry or call me names or threaten suicide if I say we're done. Sigh.

It's always complicated and only you can decide when leaving becomes essential. There are two key things to remember: functioning alcoholics usually become non-functioning alcoholics and children pick up a hell of a lot more than you think. Shielding them is almost impossible.

You clearly have a lot of sunk costs in terms of the house - but be alert to that point where escape is more important.

Hey @pointythings hope you are well and thanks for providing great advice, as usual.

Just wanted to share my experience, based on the last few months. Short story is police removed ex 3 months ago. He was having a drunken rage outside and the neighbours reported him to the police. We have a small DD so it was a welfare check and the police took him away.

I have tried Al Anon and Smart zoom meetings since then. I prefer smart as it is logical, CBT based. However AL Anon is more popular and full of kind people who have been where you are. If you can ignore the spiritual side of things (if you are an atheist too) then there is a lot to gain from hearing other peoples experience and understanding that you are not alone, it is not your fault and you can't change him. Just my views of course but I think both are worth trying for different reasons, then seeing what works for you.

Hey FanGirlX I am so sorry you ended up having the police out too - what a horrible experience. I hope you and DD are both OK.

I fully agree that both types of support meetings have their positive aspects - we have people in our group who also attend Al-Anon, so it isn't one or the other. When it comes to your own recovery from life with an alcoholic, you do whatever works. My group is a mix of people who operate from a faith position and people who are atheists like me and it just works.

I like the sound of Smart Recovery more than Al-Anon but their nearest family and friends meeting is 30 miles away and their online meetings are in the evening when both DH and DD are around so it wouldn't really work.

I'm hoping to go to Al-Anon next week and have referred myself for CBT so hopefully the combination of both will be useful.

@Manteo

I like the sound of Smart Recovery more than Al-Anon but their nearest family and friends meeting is 30 miles away and their online meetings are in the evening when both DH and DD are around so it wouldn't really work.

I'm hoping to go to Al-Anon next week and have referred myself for CBT so hopefully the combination of both will be useful.

Try looking at Smart's international meetings. Ireland has a few, conveniently in the same time zone but also look at USA and Aus.

@Manteo

Aus / USA might work for you if you're after a day meeting. Aus is about 10 hours ahead so their 7pm would be 9am here.

Sorry I've only just seen there were new replies on this by chance (wish new posts would stay at the top)
Hope everyone is ok
Ex tried to get me to reconcile but then rang me last Sunday sounding half cut so that gave my head a shake
I still haven't been to any meetings to be honest I just don't have time at the moment

Next time ex tries for reconciliation, please post on here and we will wobble your head for you.