Going no contact with alcoholic dad

[meandmygirl1]

My dad has always been an alcoholic since I can remember and he's in his mid 70s now. The level of chaos has got steadily worse and in the last 6 weeks he was reported by my brother for drink driving and arrested, went on bender when got out of cells in the morning, was generally abusive, rolled up to rehab still drunk and only stayed 2 weeks (this is his 5th time).

I've had enough and have blocked his number but the rest of my family apart from my brother who reported him to police have all had amnesia and it's all as if the madness never happened.

I've spoken with my counsellor who said I am doing the right thing but I feel guilty and as if I am the bad one.

Anyone else had this experience?

Yeah I went nc with my mother
She ended up dying a year or so later
I still don't regret it though because you can only be pushed so far and you need to do what's right for you

Thank you.

When it comes to having an alcoholic in your life, the only person you can save is you. You've done that. Bravo.

After my husband died from alcoholism, I still had my mother to deal with. My Dsis and I went very low contact - easy enough, she was in the Netherlands, we are in the UK. We supported by liaising with care agencies and making sure her finances were OK, but that was it. When she died, it made not a lot of impact because we had lost her years ago.

With alcoholics, you end up doing your grieving while they're still alive.

Thanks. It's so hard as my mum is so loyal to him it means am not seeing her now too. I just can't handle it any more. I do agree that it's like grieving for someone already when they are still alive,

Your mum is codependent. It's a very hard thing to break free of - it took me years to realise I was codependent and enabling my husband. That's entirely normal. Some partners of alcoholics never escape from it.

It's so strange that now I am having no contact with him, I seem to be the villain in the family now as everyone else bar my brother is still putting up with the chaos. If it wasn't for my brother and speaking to my counsellor I would honest think I was in the wrong. Am beginning to feel a mixture of guilt, relief and recognition of the gaslighting I am now experiencing. I am determined to be strong for both my sake and my daughter's

So sorry you are having to deal with this. I finally went NC with my dad after finding a seriously abusive message on phone, I saw red and just didn't want my child exposed to the toxicity too.
Be prepared though... it may be different for you but I was his next of kin and only found out he had been found dead when contacted by coroner's office sometime later. I did feel guilty but not enough to regret my decision. Stick with what is best for you

Thanks everyone. Strangely enough my mum got in touch this evening and wanted to know when I was stopping ignoring my dad and to come in and see them for a cup of tea at weekend. I can't pretend any longer and go and speak nonsense when he's caused so much chaos and pain. We ended up having a heated exchange of words and I ended up coming off the phone feeling like I am the villain and crying my eyes out. I've calmed down a bit now but it's as if a switch has turned in me and I honestly can't buy into the fake bullshit anymore until the next bender or craziness comes along

Oh OP I know how you feel
Luckily I had family who also went nc including my dad and my mothers brother and his wife but my grandmother just refused to believe any of it and still makes out she was a saint and the rest of us totally out of order for cutting her off