Alcohol anxiety

[charlotteself]

I've just woken up after after a night of drinking too much and I have massive anxiety. My heart is racing and I feel so awful for drinking again.

I've had a bad relationship with alcohol for as long as I can remember and went in to AA 4/5 years ago mainly because my drinking had caused me to gain loads of weight. I managed almost a year sober then went back to drinking once I'd lost the weight.

My drinking is nothing like it was but I've managed to put all the weight back on and have just started a diet which always makes my tolerance very low. Last week I drank only one night which I class as a win but on that day I was horrendously sick after 2 bottles of wine. my dd was there and saw which just kills me. She's a an older teenager so no safety issue but obviously the psychological effects of seeing your mum like that must be huge.

Then last night I drank and although I wasn't sick, I felt I might be and like I say I've woken up today with the most awful anxiety.

I just don't think I should be drinking at all but that little voice that says, go on, just have one or two, is so loud sometimes.

I don't want to go back to AA. I found it quite "culty" and met some unsavoury characters during my time last time.

I just want to be able to moderate my drinking but I don't think I'll ever be that person.

The trigger seems to be friends who drink. I can happily not drink at home on my own but as soon as I'm with friends I want a drink.

I want to be better, for my daughter and myself. I want to lose this weight. I don't want to be in my 40s and chucking up bottles of wine. I feel so ashamed and disgusted in myself

It does sound like moderating is never going to work for you. Can you use the feeling you have now to help you not drink in the future? It doesn't sound like drinking actually adds anything positive to your life.

You sound like you need some professional help. Write down all of your issues and then speak to your GP. You need to make some changes and it sounds like your body is rejecting the alcohol. Do you get stomach pain generally?

Thanks both. If I eat a lot then alcohol doesn't affect me. It's because I'm doing 1300 calories a day that it seems I can't tolerate it anymore. But yes I think overall alcohol doesn't suit me. I felt a bit pissed yesterday after one glass. I used to be able to drink all night and hardly be affected.

I think I do need to hold on to the feeling I have today and use it to spur me on.

Life is so much easier to manage when you're sober

I've been to the GP before and have help for other mental health stuff which is absolutely exacerbated by my drinking

OP - you are brave enough to post here so well done. You an do this -you have done it before.
I have found listening to a podcast called “ Over The Influence” very very helpful💐

@charlotteself - I am the same today. Had a bender at the weekend, throwing up and sky high anxiety. Today is day two alcohol free and I’m feeling physically better but look dreadful - covered in bruises from banging into things and puffy face. I too have tried moderating but I need to stop completely. It’s a scary thought and I’m maybe there 95% but part of me still thinks I can have some time off then drink again in the future…..it’s such a curse.

I’ve been reading about the effect of alcohol on the brain and keeping drinking keeps the reward pathways active so you crave it more - that is why even one drink is dangerous - it will keep the cravings coming and there is always the risk of drinking to excess. Saying that, I know all this but keep sabotaging myself!

@FindingFreedom - I will check out that podcast later - thanks.

@charlotteself

I've just woken up after after a night of drinking too much and I have massive anxiety. My heart is racing and I feel so awful for drinking again.

I've had a bad relationship with alcohol for as long as I can remember and went in to AA 4/5 years ago mainly because my drinking had caused me to gain loads of weight. I managed almost a year sober then went back to drinking once I'd lost the weight.

My drinking is nothing like it was but I've managed to put all the weight back on and have just started a diet which always makes my tolerance very low. Last week I drank only one night which I class as a win but on that day I was horrendously sick after 2 bottles of wine. my dd was there and saw which just kills me. She's a an older teenager so no safety issue but obviously the psychological effects of seeing your mum like that must be huge.

Then last night I drank and although I wasn't sick, I felt I might be and like I say I've woken up today with the most awful anxiety.

I just don't think I should be drinking at all but that little voice that says, go on, just have one or two, is so loud sometimes.

I don't want to go back to AA. I found it quite "culty" and met some unsavoury characters during my time last time.

I just want to be able to moderate my drinking but I don't think I'll ever be that person.

The trigger seems to be friends who drink. I can happily not drink at home on my own but as soon as I'm with friends I want a drink.

I want to be better, for my daughter and myself. I want to lose this weight. I don't want to be in my 40s and chucking up bottles of wine. I feel so ashamed and disgusted in myself

I could have written this.

How are you getting on?

How are you getting on?

How do I fix this? Really looking for any sort of advice.
I’m a twice weekly binge drinker. I’m a very well behaved drunk, I always tidy up and never do anything daft or embarrassing. I’ve never let my children down. As it goes , I’ve been getting away with it.
However, I achieve the gold standard of hangovers, the anxiety, gut issues , fuzzy head, fatigue….
I’m fat now. I was blessed with a good figure, never exercised , hated sport . Maintained the perfect 10 effortlessly till about 4 years ago. I’m very pot bellied . I’m actually embarrassed to go out now. I have no recent photos of me. I haven’t socialised or attended a party or anything for a few years now. I work from home, I rarely leave the house. DP takes youngest child everywhere. We’ve had some nice holidays and I feel different there and enjoy myself. You’d never believe it though as I won’t be in the photos. I’ve become invisible. I drink with DP , he drinks a fair bit but is a massive bloke and never seems to get ill or suffer. He’s lovely , couldn’t be kinder or gentler soul. I’m knocking it back out of boredom initially, it’s got stupid though, 20units, 5 am to bed. Got knows how I keep it together in the day. Thing is , I’m pretty sure I can leave it, not drink. But it’s seeing him with it that sets me off. Beer envy. He won’t stop. To him it’s a normal part of life and isn’t causing him issues. It’s me with the ‘no off switch’ that poisons myself. I’m not sure I can stop while living with a drinker though. What’s the solution?

@Looking4answers123 - I am/was a terrible binge drinker. Started off being 3 day benders once a month then over lockdown, progressed to almost weekly - averaging around 3 bottles of vodka a week. DH also was drinking more during lockdown but nowhere near the scale of my abuse.

I reached “rock bottom” 2 weeks ago and the switch flipped - I simply cannot and do not want to do this anymore. Ive been alcohol free since and have had zero desire to drink. I’m not sure if I will be AF forever but I am not thinking too much about the future - focussing on the here and now and getting fitter and healthier both mentally and physically.

I joined “This Naked Mind”. There is a very active Facebook group where you can get support 24/7 as there are 1000s of people all around the world on it. I am also doing the free 30 day alcohol experiment- a structured programme where you complete activities each day for 30 days and you get sent links for podcasts, testimonials etc. All for free! There are paid programs as well but I am so far doing fine with the free program and group support.

My DH is still drinking but not a lot. He’s stopped wine altogether and only has a couple of beers when he is not working. It doesn’t bother me.

I wake up every day now feeling great and I am finding ways of keeping myself occupied and stimulated which don’t involve drinking. Although I am a binge drinker, benders usually started after a night of “normal” drinking. I am very early in my sobriety so I am saying no to invitations that could trigger me ie those that involve a lot of drinking or pub only events (I’m okay going for a meal, cinema etc where people have a couple of drinks but not situations where it is all drinking focussed).

You’ve got to be selfish and put yourself first - if something or someone is going to make it harder for you, avoid. Good luck.

@Stuckhere2021
Thanks for this . It’s really good of you to share this and make me feel less alone. I have every reason to change, I have a little boy. I expect I’d get my figure back of o stopped and I’d love to have the confidence to go out and enjoy life again. I’m certain this belly is all booze .
My life is very very boring at the moment. I don’t have friends or socialise and I’m used to that. But I also don’t really do anything. All these qualifications and skills and I don’t really do anything all day . Knocking back booze while watching comedy is about all I have.

I can’t watch anything or sit still without it , I just end up cleaning or tidying or pacing about looking for things to do. I’m gonna look into the stuff you’re doing and maybe try and tackle my OCD / anxiety aswell .

@Looking4answers123 - first thing you need to do is remove the word “can’t” from your vocabulary- you CAN do this. Focus on what you can do rather than what you think you can’t. Don’t set yourself up to fail by pre-empting it. At the beginning, I found it helpful to eat loads early evening so that I was too full to drink or I knew I wouldn’t get a buzz because I was stuffed - worry about losing the weight once the alcohol abuse is sorted. I really do wish you well as it’s a horrible place to be 💐 🫖 🍰 🍫

great advice @Stuckhere2021