Traits of an adult child of an alcoholic?

[Broodylou16]

I don't know if I'll find the answers I'm looking for here, but wanted to know if anyone had any idea on what the characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic parent would sometimes be?
I know they they are more likely to have addiction issues, but apart from that, what else?

My dm is an adult child of an alcoholic and has many traits.
Lies when there's no reason, can be very responsible but also very irresponsible, difficulty with intimacy, takes herself too seriously, over reacts and can be impulsive sometimes with bad consequences.

Not particularly addictive but over eats.
She's not an easy person.

@Melitza that's interesting, especially about the intimacy and impulsiveness. Does she struggle with family intimacy or just forging new relationships with people?

Well dm didn't really hug us as dc. She was funny about my ds being in the bath with dd when they were small.

When she split up with df she had pretty bad relationships. Horrible men.

This might be helpful. NACOA are good.

nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/2005-June-AT-article-CGilvarry.pdf-1.pdf

@Melitza

My dm is an adult child of an alcoholic and has many traits. Lies when there's no reason, can be very responsible but also very irresponsible, difficulty with intimacy, takes herself too seriously, over reacts and can be impulsive sometimes with bad consequences.

As the adult child of an alcoholic I'd say that could be down to personality as much as anything else, I don't have those behaviours, nor my siblings.

Low self-esteem (which can also happen for many other reasons, obviously). Feeling they don't deserve anything good in life.

Feeling obliged to try to fix people they love.

Poor resilience.

Distorted sense of loyalty -- going over & beyond. Weird expectations of other people : either too low or too high.

Insecurity, self-destructiveness.

If you Google FASD there is a lot of info on this. X

@lljkk this seems quite accurate, if I'm honest.
I do also believe that a lot of those characteristics feed off each other, which makes things worse.

I trust absolutely no one. I will never fully divulge my inner fears to anyone.

My husband knows that if he turns to alcohol or one of our kids do, I’m not getting involved. I will leave them to get on with it.

I do over compensate with hugs and kisses with my kids, and tell them I love them all the time. Basically all the stuff I craved as a kid.

I do find it weird the seemingly small issues people moan and get upset about. I can’t relate to any of that sort of ‘he said, she said’ stuff. So I probably am not the sort of person you’d go to have those kind of discussions with.

I’m pretty calm in stressful situations. I think because I’ve had many as a child.

I had awful low self esteem, depression and suicidal thoughts.

I hate being touched. I have a strong fight response in a situation. When people have struck me I immediately hit back, more so when a teen or young adult (never been hit since). I don’t know whether it’s growing up never knowing what physical aggression to expect or not.

@Jeannie88

If you Google FASD there is a lot of info on this. X

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders are not the same as being an adult child of an alcoholic. The alcoholic parent may be the father, the alcoholic mother may not have drink any or much alcohol in pregnancy.

I identified with a lot here.

@Rollerbird yes so do I, unfortunately. It has affected me for a very long time and I have recently vowed to take proper steps to address it, I have begun to arrange counselling etc. But I suppose I am looking for proof that I am not alone. I think it will help me to know that, although it is sad, my experience is not unique.

Sadly I struggle with addiction to alcohol. DM was alcoholic and I found out some pretty horrendous family stuff a few years back which set me on a downward spiral.

I’ve put my family through hell and I’m still trying to quit.I have very low self esteem, don’t think I deserve to be loved/have nice things etc. And yet here I am inflicting the hell on them.