Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

H drinks too much

10 replies

Timetochange11 · 14/06/2021 08:25

I've had enough of making excuses for him, stress at work, hates his job. He's just had 2 weeks off and started drinking cider at 12 pm everyday and then a bottle of wine to himself at dinner. He can become aggressive and mean. Everything we do together involves going to a pub, even a trip to the beach or out for Sunday lunch, of course I always drive. I enjoy a social drink with friends, a couple of shandies or glass of wine if we've walked to our local.

on Saturday he met his brother in our local, his brother was driving so I assumed he'd be an hour maybe 2, he left at 3 and came back at 6 then continued to drink. It doesn't sound like a big deal I know but he's stupid when drunk and embarassing. I'm hypersensitive as my late mum drank a lot when I was a child. Yesterday was the same, pub at lunchtime and then carried on at home, rolled his eyes and sneered when I said remember you're up early for work tomorrow. I went to bed early and read in the spare room but I heard him get up twice and then the fridge opening so know he was still drinking.

He's gone to work but I stayed upstairs as didn't want an argument. Were in our 50s, no dc at home. I've contacted al anon this morning, only online meeting and at 7.15 pm so hard as he'd be home.

Sorry it's so long. I've decided not to buy any alcohol anymore as I can't be part of his drinking. I've suggested he see his gp about stress, depression. Tried to talk to him about his feelings, he just says I'm fine and I like a drink. I know he is unwell but don't know what else to do. I have decided not to drink alcohol. I am fed up of feeling like this, wishing he would change or leave 😪

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 14/06/2021 08:30

I hope you find good support at AlAnon tonight. You say you wish he’d change or leave. I haven’t been in this situation, but from what other Mumsnetters say he’ll only change if he wants to. Have you thought about leaving?

fedup078 · 14/06/2021 15:54

You sound like me and my situation just before I reached breaking point and kicked him out

pointythings · 14/06/2021 16:49

He won't stop because he doesn't see it as a problem. So your only solution is to end the marriage. And why wouldn't you? I'm early 50s and have been single for over 3 years now. My husband was an alcoholic and the marriage ended with me having him removed from our home by the police - we did have DCs at home at that point, both older teens. He died 8 months after leaving.

And sad as all that was, I have not been this happy for years. My DDs are recovering from the alcohol years and life is good. Ask yourself: d you really want to live with this man for another 20 to 30 years?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/06/2021 16:55

I wouldn't wait for him to take control, you need to do that. You need to decide that you will not live this way anymore and then follow through. Your husband is an alcoholic and there's not a single thing you can do to help him. Don't spend the rest of your life feeling this way.

Timetochange11 · 14/06/2021 16:57

@pointythings yes it will end our marriage and he will get ill. I will not leave my home however. He will and dc will back me up. I have worked hard to make a garden here which I love, its what keeps me going.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/06/2021 17:09

Do you work? Would you be able to buy him out of the home? If I were you, I would make arrangements to speak to a solicitor as soon as possible so you know where you stand.

fedup078 · 14/06/2021 17:13

I also had an alcoholic mother
Does he try to tell you he's doing nothing wrong and you're just looking for alcoholics everywhere because of your upbringing ?
Mine was forever telling me I just had 'mummy issues'

pointythings · 14/06/2021 17:41

Mine just blamed me and our DDs Hmm. If only we conformed to his antediluvian world views way of 'right' thinking and behaving, he wouldn't need to drink.

Timetochange11 · 15/06/2021 07:20

We are mortgage free but no I couldn't but him out. What I should have said was that if we decide to part then I will stay until the house is sold. He could rent as my income is less. I'd be ok if I got my pension at 60 but hey ho that's the Tories for you!

OP posts:
Timetochange11 · 15/06/2021 07:21

@fedup078 no he's never said that but I suspect he thinks it!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page