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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Should I donate part of my liver to my sister?

260 replies

Sienna7657 · 04/05/2021 10:58

Hi all,
My sister has been a heavy drinker for many years. It's got to the point that she has malnutrition and her liver has failed. She cannot walk anymore because she is that weak.
She is in need of a liver transplant. I know that in the uk, it can take many months before a donor is available. I'm the same blood group as her and I have a healthy bmi.
I am considering to give her part of my liver instead. However there are a few things I need to consider.
I am a single mum to 2 young children under 2. Recovery after a transplant can take upto 3 months and I dont think I can find anyone else to help me take care of the kids.
I would have to take unpaid leave off work. This would mean that my family will struggle financially and I really dont want to be asking my family for money.
What would you do if you were me?

OP posts:

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 12:59

@Frustratedbeyondbelief

I wouldn't hesitate. The only real risk to you is that which comes from any surgery. (Pretty small compared to your sisters chances of dying)

Money wouldn't come into it. In that we would find a way to manage. (I'm not saying that as someone with money - I don't)

To watch my sister die when I had the ability to give her a second chance ? There is no way I couldn't do it. The kids will be fine. It's three months disruption. Death is permanent.

Can the children's paternal family help at all ? Or if parents have money and you are saving their other daughters life - I'm sure they would be happy to pay for a nanny/mothers help for 3 months. I know mine would.

I think a lot depends on the sort of relationship you had with your sister because her addiction took hold. If you loved her then and you want her to have a chance, I think all the other obstacles are surmountable eg she and your parents would need to pay for your care and the care of the kids. Even if your parents can't be hands on, they can be around.

However, I'd want to be very sure that her chances were high enough to make it worthwhile.

I'd also want to check on how likely it is that things could go wrong for me. Wasn't there a case where someone donated a kidney, the recipient recovered really well but the donor has a lasting disability from something going wrong? The chances might be very low but I would want to investigate that. Having looked at this, I think the risks are too high: www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/organ-transplantation/liver/receiving-a-liver/living-donor-liver-transplant/

Einszwei · 04/05/2021 13:00

No.

If she cares for you in the same way as you care for her, I am sure she would not want you to risk the possibility your children losing their mother as a result of her poor lifestyle choices.

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 13:00

Before her addiction took hold

Rainbowsandstorms · 04/05/2021 13:01

Such a tough decision. That’s great that your sister has stopped drinking for the past two years but really hard that you’re a single parent to two young children. I think if you’re a match and feel happy with the idea of going ahead you need to have a conversation with your family as, as much as you may want to help it’s simply not possible without some financial and practical support. Please don’t feel guilty for raising this as donating part of your liver is an extremely selfless thing to do. I’m wondering if there is anyone you can talk to to find out more details about it all before talking to your sister and family about it.

Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp · 04/05/2021 13:01

I am very close to someone who donated a segment of their liver, and have seen first hand how hard the recovery is. If you have two young children and no support, you can't do this. It's a tragic situation but ultimately, you have to put your family first. I'm glad she has stopped drinking and I hope a donor becomes available for her before it's too late.

LoudNowSing · 04/05/2021 13:02

The comments on this thread about people suffering from addiction are disgusting. Addiction is not a moral failing, people, anymore than any other mental health issue is.

Op, talking to your sister's treatment team about the possibility should be your first action. I'm sorry you and your sister are going through this.

MrsC2018 · 04/05/2021 13:02

Yes if you have the same blood type as your sister you should be able to donate but the transplant team wouldn't accept you as you are a single parent to your children. I have a family member that has had a liver transplant and my husband was assessed to be a live donor so we know the process. They don't just accept anybody and will make the decision to not accept you if you aren't in a position to provide care for your children. It doesn't mean you don't love your sister, you just have other responsibilities too. I'm so sorry your facing this but also having this on your mind too

Flowers500 · 04/05/2021 13:03

I would absolutely do it. Your sister is going to die if you don’t, taking a bit of cash and support from your parents is nothing in comparison to their daughter dying!!! It’s very low risk for you, and you should absolutely get all the support possible in the recovery. But I couldn’t live knowing I had allowed my sister to die, or allowed my parents to go through that.

Anon9990 · 04/05/2021 13:03

The kidneys can start to fail when the liver is failing, sometimes these go hand in hand. It’s called hepatorenal syndrome.
Your sister sounds very very sick. But the fact that they have taken her to icu and are giving her dialysis shows that they believe she would benefit from a transplant- this is not me saying you should be a living donor, that choice is yours and yours alone. Something you need to consider very carefully.
If she is already on the transplant list she will have gone a week long assessment to decide whether she is eligible for a donor liver which she has ultimately passed. This assessment looks at EVERYTHING in relation to the patient; physically and mentally and they also assess whether they think they will drink or abuse substances again. If they believe they will it can be an outright no and it moves onto symptom management.
With liver transplants the patients are almost always very ill before it, and sometimes it’s basically whose the sickest but not too sick to get a transplant 🤷🏽‍♀️
If you were to consider being a live donor I think you would also need to go through special testing as it’s not as simple as same blood type and taking you both to theatre.
I hope your sister does well. I have seen many people as ill as your sister make it through and live a fulfilling life with there new organ! Good luck to her ❤️

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 13:04

@LoudNowSing

The comments on this thread about people suffering from addiction are disgusting. Addiction is not a moral failing, people, anymore than any other mental health issue is.

Op, talking to your sister's treatment team about the possibility should be your first action. I'm sorry you and your sister are going through this.

I agree. Alcohol addiction isn't just like overeating.

OP, the link I posted says the risks of death to a living donor are 1 in 200. That would be too high for me.

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 13:04

@Flowers500

it is not a low risk to the OP. Not. At. All. Please check your facts.

Rainbowsandstorms · 04/05/2021 13:04

In addition to my previous post, I’ve just looked at the link that another poster posted regarding the risks to the person donating part of their liver, a 1 in 200 chance of dying is not insignificant. Only you can weigh up the risks but in light of having young children this is a big risk.

Lweji · 04/05/2021 13:09

Addiction is not a moral failing, people, anymore than any other mental health issue is.

Yet her sister has chosen to stop drinking in the last 2 years.
People with, say depression, OCD, or schizofrenia, can't choose to stop having these conditions.

The addiction itself may be a mental issue. But drinking is a choice.

AmyDudley · 04/05/2021 13:09

MaryMow22

<strong>No! Please don't do this to yourself for someone who doesn't deserve it.</strong>

What a totally hideous thing to say.

OP - I'm truly sorry for your situation, what a dreadful thing to be going through. I think there a lot of questions to be asked before you come to any decisions, and before you tie yourself in knots emotionally thinking about this.

You need to speak to her clinical team, to find out if a transplant is feasible. from what you say your sister is i a very bad way and I'm so sorry to be blunt, but she would maybe have no chance of surviving such a major operation, or if she did for her body to cope after a transplant.

If it is feasible you need to find out if you are a match - I don;t know much about liver transplants,but I'm not sure if being a close relative and the same blood group is enough to mean you are a match - it may be, but you need to know. There's no real point in discussion a transplant before you know this.

Ultimately you need the clinical team to go through all the possible ramifications for you if you have this surgery - short term and long term.

Personally I would do it if I could - I adore my sister, and would do anything for her. But it is easy for me to say that - I am in my 60's, my children are grown up. You have little ones to consider.

I think if I were your sister in these circumstances, I would not let you donate to me, I would want you to consider your children first. You may find that if the subject were to be broached with your sister, she would feel the same way.

Wishing you strength for whichever outcome occurs.

TheLastLotus · 04/05/2021 13:13

For the love of God OP no, don’t do it. Grow a backbone.

Tal45 · 04/05/2021 13:15

I would not take the risk. It is sad for your sister but you have to put your children first. If she is too weak to walk is she even eligible for transplant? I know my FIL was put up for transplant (twice I think) and refused because he wasn't well enough. Has she actually been assessed as suitable for transplant?

TheLastLotus · 04/05/2021 13:16

Typed too quick!

Apart from the fact that it seems too late - your sister is likely to be saved only with your kidney. Why is there no family support?

You have two young children who needs a mum. Your parents are old and your sister’s in failli health. Who will bear responsibility for them if things go south

Sorry if this sounds harsh and cruel but your sister’s illness affects only ONE life , you becoming ill from side effects affects THREE. Also will your family step up and care for your kids?

Don’t ruin young lives for someone who has had their time as an adult . They deserve to live with the consequences

TheLastLotus · 04/05/2021 13:17

*unlikely to be saved with only your liver because of her kidneys failing too

TheLastLotus · 04/05/2021 13:19

*why do you not want to ask for family support good god this phone is failing MT

Anon9990 · 04/05/2021 13:20

@TheLastLotus

*unlikely to be saved with only your liver because of her kidneys failing too

When a new liver is transplanted after a few days the kidneys can go back to normal function...

NamechangeApril21 · 04/05/2021 13:22

Oh OP I feel so much for you, and you have my greatest sympathies. This must be so hard and I can't imagine the turmoil this decision is causing you.

I'm afraid I agree with previous posters, that you should say no, as hard as that may be.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 04/05/2021 13:24

Christ on a bike there are some unfeeling bastards on this thread.
Op you can’t do this alone - needs to be a family decision on whether you can manage it and whether you should needs to be considered by the surgeons. They are not in the business of sacrificing heathy people so what they advice (either way) should be respected.
So sorry about your sister. This isn’t on you: the situation or saving her. It has to come from a place of support for you and must be a joint decision. Good luck x

halfhope · 04/05/2021 13:25

I've very sorry you are in this predicament OP. It must be very distressing for you and I do feel for your sister and your family.

However to answer your question I would not donate in this circumstance. For a single parent with two very young children I would think the risks for you are too high.

BritInAus · 04/05/2021 13:30

I'm so so sorry you and your sister (and families) are going through this nightmare.

Your sister sounds incredibly unwell - is she well enough for a transplant?

I personally couldn't do it with two young children.

BikeRunSki · 04/05/2021 13:34

@drpet49

* I am a single mum to 2 young children under 2.*

For that reason alone I wouldn’t do it. Your kids come first.

Me too

Although it is easy to say this, not actually being in this situation.

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