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Alcohol support
Should I donate part of my liver to my sister?
Sienna7657 · 04/05/2021 10:58
Hi all,
My sister has been a heavy drinker for many years. It's got to the point that she has malnutrition and her liver has failed. She cannot walk anymore because she is that weak.
She is in need of a liver transplant. I know that in the uk, it can take many months before a donor is available. I'm the same blood group as her and I have a healthy bmi.
I am considering to give her part of my liver instead. However there are a few things I need to consider.
I am a single mum to 2 young children under 2. Recovery after a transplant can take upto 3 months and I dont think I can find anyone else to help me take care of the kids.
I would have to take unpaid leave off work. This would mean that my family will struggle financially and I really dont want to be asking my family for money.
What would you do if you were me?
Tippexy · 05/05/2021 01:44
@Sienna7657
My sister has been a heavy drinker for many years. It's got to the point that she has malnutrition and her liver has failed. She cannot walk anymore because she is that weak.
She is in need of a liver transplant. I know that in the uk, it can take many months before a donor is available. I'm the same blood group as her and I have a healthy bmi.
I am considering to give her part of my liver instead. However there are a few things I need to consider.
I am a single mum to 2 young children under 2. Recovery after a transplant can take upto 3 months and I dont think I can find anyone else to help me take care of the kids.
I would have to take unpaid leave off work. This would mean that my family will struggle financially and I really dont want to be asking my family for money.
What would you do if you were me?
No, because you have children.
Your primary duty of care must be towards them.
Astella22 · 05/05/2021 01:47
@ineedaholidaynow yes. It’s a chance to save a life and the risk of death is not 1 in 200 from a liver donation, in fact research shows death is extremely rare. There is also a scheme set up to cover any loss of earnings that a doner may have.
It really is a tough decision though I’m not making light of it. Having 2 small kids and being a single mother, I can see why the op struggles with it.
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2021 03:18
[quote Astella22]@ineedaholidaynow yes. It’s a chance to save a life and the risk of death is not 1 in 200 from a liver donation, in fact research shows death is extremely rare. There is also a scheme set up to cover any loss of earnings that a doner may have.
It really is a tough decision though I’m not making light of it. Having 2 small kids and being a single mother, I can see why the op struggles with it.[/quote]
Yes it is depending on the type of donation. I wish people like you snd @MyDcAreMarvel would stop spouting such shyte.
Mandalay246 · 05/05/2021 04:12
What a heartbreaking situation. I'm not sure that you should offer OP given that you have two young children - they definitely have to come first. Also it does sound as though your sister is incredibly unwell. I wouldn't talk to anyone about it until I had spoken to doctors at the hospital and found out all the facts. It might not even be a possibility and it is pointless getting anyone's hopes up in that case. A consultant will be able to tell you if it's possible for you to donate and any risks to yourself etc.
Mandalay246 · 05/05/2021 04:18
I wouldn’t hesitate, there are some truly selfish posters. The op’s sister has stopped drinking for two years and will die otherwise. It’s not particularly risky for the op, no more than an pregnancy.
Women do die in childbirth, even these days, and all surgery carries a risk. My father stopped breathing during a recent fairly standard procedure (he's okay now). It's hardly selfish for someone to put their young children before their sister, especially when her condition was brought on by her own lifestyle choice.
butterpuffed · 05/05/2021 08:14
@Sienna7657
OP, I had wrongly assumed you had been tested and were a match.
As your sister is in Intensive Care and you think she only has two months left, I don't understand why her team hasn't tested you and the rest of the family. Surely that's the main priority.
Not sure why so many are saying you shouldn't donate and to put your children first ~ you have said both your sister and parents have funds so they would be able to pay for aftercare and for your children to be looked after while you recover.
YoniAndGuy · 05/05/2021 09:25
@MyDcAreMarvel
Yes there is the financial issue but life is worth more than money!
No. All surgery carries a risk. And yes liver surgery is more flipping dangerous than pregnancy!!! For me it would be nothing to do with the sister’s choices of worthiness. As a parent I would hesitate to take the risk of leaving my children without a parent. As a single parent? No chance.
But I think it’s a moot point. If the sister is so gravely ill as to have months left, and the hospital hasn’t even suggested that family get tested with a view to donation then it isn’t going to happen, it clearly isn’t even on their radar? Donating a portion of liver is different to a straightforward complete donation. Presumably they feel that she would not be a candidate and/or wouldn’t survive the op.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 05/05/2021 09:28
Not sure why so many are saying you shouldn't donate and to put your children first ~ you have said both your sister and parents have funds so they would be able to pay for aftercare and for your children to be looked after while you recover.
Because the aftercare could be forever. She could die or sustain complications that result in ill health for life. She's a single mum with 2 young children. What kind of sister would even ask that of someone in that setting? I would never ask my sister to risk her life for me, much less if she was a lone parent with 2 young children.
diddl · 05/05/2021 15:18
@sillysmiles
But it isn't just "another adult", it's your sister. Family are the only people I'd consider being a living donor for, they aren't just random strangers.
I don't feel that I should risk my life for anyone tbh, friend, family or stranger.
KateTheEighth · 05/05/2021 15:50
@BigSandyBalls2015
I was thinking exactly the same thing
Also it doesn't sound like she's suitable for surgery - it sounds like she's too ill
frazzledasarock · 05/05/2021 18:13
Livers can heal. So a child needing a donation in the future isn’t an issue.
Dying and leaving behind two orphaned children is an issue.
I had a cancer scare when a single parent. And all I could think was I cannot leave my kids they’re so young and vulnerable. Death wasn’t scary, the thought of leaving behind my babies was terrifying.
FromEden · 05/05/2021 19:29
Surely if she genuinely stopped drinking two years ago then she wouldn’t be as poorly as this now? Do you def know she has stopped OP?
If she already had cirrhosis at the time of stopping drinking, it wouldn't matter that she stopped. At that stage the liver is past the point of healing itself and its only a matter of time before it fails if the damage is severe enough. From what I understand, the liver can do a good job of compensating for the damage until it just can't anymore.
ineedaholidaynow · 05/05/2021 19:32
Would the ill sister want the OP to potentially risk her life and leave her two young daughters without a mum. Much as I wouldn't want to die I don't think I could ask my sibling to take that risk.
What happens if the OP died during the operation and the liver transplant didn't work so the ill sister died too, that would mean their parents lost both their daughters.
CombatBarbie · 05/05/2021 19:40
So if you are a match, there are options, if it were me in your situation I would look at getting a live in nanny for your 3 month recovery period which I wouldn't hesitate getting financial help from the parents for and to cover your lost income. Your other alternative is (and won't be popular) temporary Foster care.
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