Should I donate part of my liver to my sister?

[Sienna7657]

Hi all,
My sister has been a heavy drinker for many years. It's got to the point that she has malnutrition and her liver has failed. She cannot walk anymore because she is that weak.
She is in need of a liver transplant. I know that in the uk, it can take many months before a donor is available. I'm the same blood group as her and I have a healthy bmi.
I am considering to give her part of my liver instead. However there are a few things I need to consider.
I am a single mum to 2 young children under 2. Recovery after a transplant can take upto 3 months and I dont think I can find anyone else to help me take care of the kids.
I would have to take unpaid leave off work. This would mean that my family will struggle financially and I really dont want to be asking my family for money.
What would you do if you were me?

[Fixitup2]

I don’t think you’ll be able to do this. You have no other support to look after your children. Financially you’d have to accept help from your parents/sister which is fine. But it also doesn’t sound like your sister is well enough for the surgery and it’s a big risk to you also as a single parent. I might suggest otherwise if you were in a couple with a supportive partner and financially ok although it still doesn’t sound like your sister is well enough but agree a transplant is her only option.

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

OP I think it's wishful thinking on your part.
If your sister's body fat is as low as you say I don't see how her heart would take the trauma?
It's not just her liver that's failing here.

[BigGreen]

I think I would if the organ would regrow, i.e. it would be the immediate risk of the surgery to deal with but not any lasting impacts.

[DPotter]

As a single parent I would reluctantly being saying no. Donating part of your liver is a risky procedure - you will be on bed rest for a while and if your parents can't care for your children - what happens to them ?

Have you or your parents spoken to the medical team about transplantation ? Are they thinking she's a suitable candidate ?

In all honesty I wouldn't offer - definitely do not discuss with your parents or sister as this could raise their hopes when really it's not a viable option.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

I wouldn’t hesitate, there are some truly selfish posters. The op’s sister has stopped drinking for two years and will die otherwise. It’s not particularly risky for the op, no more than an pregnancy.
Yes there is the financial issue but life is worth more than money!

[Fixitup2]

@MyDcAreMarvel

I wouldn’t hesitate, there are some truly selfish posters. The op’s sister has stopped drinking for two years and will die otherwise. It’s not particularly risky for the op, no more than an pregnancy.
Yes there is the financial issue but life is worth more than money!

Who’s going to look after the OP’s children during the recovery? That is my only reason for saying no. OP’s parents can’t do it, her sister will be unfit. Unless a live in nanny can be hired for the recovery I don’t see how it’s possible.

[WouldBeGood]

@Sienna7657 I really feel for you and your sister.

I’d ask the doctor, in confidence, if it’s even a possibility. That might solve your dilemma.

Then think again when you know more.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I'd be saying no in your position, I would do this for my husband, children and grandchild and that's probably it. Too risky and a potentially difficult recovery. There is also the real possibility that she would damage this liver too so you will have done this for nothing.

[disconnected101]

You've said 'I dont think my sister is strong enough for a transplant.'
So there's a good chance she wouldn't survive the surgery, or that her body wouldn't be strong enough to recover long-term.
I wouldn't risk my own health when responsible for two very young children. I had a health scare when my two were baby/toddler stage and the thought of not being here for them terrified me.
I can't imagine how you feel at the thought of losing your sister but you can't hold yourself responsible for saving her.

[DogsSausages]

Maybe the first thing to do is for your parents snd you to have an open conversation with her doctor about why she is so poorly, why hadnt her own liver repaired itself and is she strong enough physically to have major surgery. If they agree to operate who will be looking after her in the future.

[AnneShirleysNewDress]

Have your work said it would be unpaid leave? I work with someone who donated a kidney to his brother. He was off on full pay given the situation. I'm sorry that you're in this situation OP. I can't imagine how difficult the decision would be.

[Mummytemping]

@Sienna7657

My parents are around. My parents and my sister do have enough funds to support my family whilst I take time off work. But I would feel extremely uncomfortable asking them for money so that I can take care of my kids- when the kids are my responsibility.
My parents are also quite old so they are not able to take care of the kids alone- they always need me to take care of the kids when I visit anyway. So I know whilst I'm recovering- I have noone to help me take care of the kids.

I think you should say you are willing (if you are, absolutely ZERO judgement if it feels too big a risk as a single parent) but you would need them to fund a nanny. Surely they would support you so you can help your sister?

[diddl]

@MyDcAreMarvel

I wouldn’t hesitate, there are some truly selfish posters. The op’s sister has stopped drinking for two years and will die otherwise. It’s not particularly risky for the op, no more than an pregnancy.
Yes there is the financial issue but life is worth more than money!

Then I'm happy to be selfish.

Like fuck would I risk my life for another adult.

If she hasn't been drinking for 2yrs then there could be other things at play I would have thought.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

I amend my "I would think about it" to be "I would think about it privately ". I wouldn't mention this to my parents or sister unless I was 100% sure I was up for it. It would be devastating to all of you if you had to turn round and say that actually you couldn't. So I would talk to her medical team first - and if 1 in 200 is indeed the risk to the donor as others have mentioned, that would be too high a risk for me.

I would keep an open mind at this stage and explore her and your particular situations, but I don't think you should beat yourself up if you end up not doing it because it would be an imprudent decision.

[diddl]

It does sound as if you need to speak to someone about the possibility of it for your own peace of mind.

It could quite quickly be a no for example but you would have your answer but know that you had done all you could.

[Smurftastic]

@MyDcAreMarvel

I wouldn’t hesitate, there are some truly selfish posters. The op’s sister has stopped drinking for two years and will die otherwise. It’s not particularly risky for the op, no more than an pregnancy.
Yes there is the financial issue but life is worth more than money!

Adult-to-adult liver transplant has mortality rate of the DONOR of about 1 in 200. I don't think the same can be said about pregnancy mortality rate, so no, it's way more risky than pregnancy.

[IndecentCakes]

I have a lot of siblings including a twin so I understand the feeling, but in these circumstances I would say no. I do think the rest of my family would support that decision as well, your children must have their mother.

[Cocogreen]

I had a kidney transplant 3 years ago.
The donor did take three months to return to full health.
Please make an appointment to go and see her doctor and transplant team if she's gone that far in the process.
She may not be well enough for transplant.
They may not allow you anyway due to your responsibilities re your children and life situation.
I wish you all the best with your decision, no one has any right to judge you whatever you decide.

[Cocogreen]

I need to add both the donor and I had tests on heart, lungs etc, a complete medical assessment including psychiatric evaluation.
I'm sorry OP but if your sister is so weak she can't walk I don't think she'd be eligible for transplant anyway.

[ineedaholidaynow]

@MyDcAreMarvel where are you getting the statistics that it is the same risk as pregnancy? I’m sure being pregnant doesn’t carry a risk of death of 1 in 200

[Astella22]

If there was a chance I could save my sisters life then yes, I don’t think I’d ever recover mentally if I didn’t try.
Understand that it’s a really hard decision for you OP.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

No

[ineedaholidaynow]

@Astella22 even if there was 1 in 200 chance of death? Wonder how the sister would feel if the OP had the operation, saved the sister’s life but OP died in the process.

[Helenahandbasket1]

I’m so sorry OP, but I don’t think a transplant is likely to be offered to your sister even if you offer to donate. It sounds like she is too unwell to survive it.

[atracurious]

Is she currently on the transplant list OP?

to you and your family. I wouldn't judge you at all either way.