Child contact with alcoholic father

[DoingItForTheKid]

I want to divorce my husband because of his heavy drinking, but what if the court doesn't agree with supervised visits for our 12 year old daughter?

She would then be safer with me staying in the marriage, so I can protect her.

It's a big risk to take.

Please help me.

I think at your daughters age the court will take her wishes into account so you really think she will
be in danger with him? Does he drink drive etc
I sat this as someone who struggles with alcohol I have a 11 year old daughter and no matter why issue with myself I have never put her in danger maybe I haven’t been emotionally available to her and that’s wrong but enough to stop contact it’s not a issue as I’m married.
If you feel she’s in danger alone with him you know what you need to do and courts cafcass SS etc will support you

The court will listen to you. Carcass will be involved and whilst I have no time for them, they will at least write up an initial report and then speak to all parties including your daughter. You can also get alcohol testing written into the court order.

Cafcass*

Thank you. I had never heard of CAFCASS.

Is the alcohol testing before visitations?

You can ask for that yes

Depends on the type of alcoholic my ex had drink and drug issues they probably wouldn't have taken an issue with him because he is functional but as he andomly stopped showing up and didn't bother taking it to court we will never know

No advice but I’m in a similar position but with younger children. I just think I’m trapped. At the moment the children rarely see him drunk so I can stick it out as I feel I can protect them better if I’m around.

@crumble82 from my research, they will protect the child so act now so your little ones don't have to experience my 12 year old has just had to.

@crumble82 please don't stay
The children will notice when they get older
My mother was an alcoholic and it really messed me up, I also resent my father for for staying for so long and then buggering off and leaving me with her (not that I think you will do the latter )
I then ended up marrying an alcoholic so it becomes a cycle
Get out now

Your daughter is at an age where she gets a say in whether or not she wants to see him and whether she feels safe alone with him. So make sure she is heard.

When I made my alcoholic husband leave, our DDs were older - 14 and 16 - and made it very clear they wanted zero contact. He didn't even try.

@pointythings How did you make him leave? Occupation order?

DoingItFOrTheKid unfortunately it was more dramatic than that - he got very drunk one night and threatened to kill me. I called the police. They got there in minutes and took him out. I refused to let him back and the police and social services backed me. I would have taken out an occupation order and told him as much, and he backed down. He was fundamentally weak.

It's much more difficult if they won't go and don't do anything to provoke things. But do make sure your DD has her voice heard. You're doing the right thing in ending the marriage.

@pointythings I am so sorry you experienced that. Thank you for sharing.

Handhold needed please. I have been with my partner over 20 years. I moved 500 miles to live with him. I think I always knew deep down he had a problem with alcohol but we were in 20’s so it seem acceptable at that time. We now have 2 boys and my partners drinking is making our lives hell.
He is a functioning alcoholic and admitted just before lockdown he had a problem - went to seek help but face to face counseling was put on hold and he convinced me he could do it alone. He never gave up alcohol - cut down to 3 or 4 cans a lager a nite. Now it’s back to 6/7 and the aggression is bubbling under the surface. I have really tried my best to protect my sons but I know I haven’t managed to.
I have tried to speak to my partner about his drinking over the last few weeks only for him to scream in my face. Today has broken me - I told him one of his sons is scared when he drinks etc. 5 minutes later he tries to justify his actions to my son - I was furious he thinks it ok to manipulate him. My boys were so upset . My partner screamed in my face to get out if I don’t like it (it’s his house).
I know I need to leave but my son is begging for us to stay . I’ve let my sons down so badly. I’m sitting in my garden to avoid hun . All my family and close friends are miles away I’m really struggling . Please help me get through this

@user1498416424 I'm so sorry you are going through this
You might be better off copying this and creating a new post on the relationships board x

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I left my alcoholic ex 18'months ago. Stayed much longer than I wanted to 'protect' my 4 year old. In mediation we agreed on supervised visits only unless 3 months of fortnightly blood tests showed normal liver function and that ex was NEVER to drive with DC. They knew I was serious and stuck to it. However several months later ex died of liver failure.

All the best to you. At 12, you are in a better place in a way than with a tiny one. Your DC can have mobile phone, rules around never getting in car with them etc if they do want to see their father.

All the best to you - it's an awful situation. X