Things need to change

[Lastnightidreamtofmanderley]

This week I decided I wasn’t going to drink. My drinking has crept up and up with a bottle of wine a night being usual but not enough. It now varies between a bottle (when it’s gone I go to bed wanting more) and a bottle and three quarters.

A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough and did dry Monday-Thursday but then thought well it’s Friday I can have a drink. Since then it’s gone downhill again.

I didn’t drink yesterday and it wasn’t difficult I had a whole plan that I wouldn’t drink at all now and then today after just 1 day I bought wine on the way home.

I really need to be held to account. I don’t want to carry on like this. I rang the doctors about other issues today and planned to request a liver function test but bottled it at last minute.

Last night I ate dinner and watched a film with DC, it was lovely. I want that all the time. They are pre-teen and teen so like to be doing their own thing but when I ask them to do something with me they jump at it. Last night after the film I read some of a new book I have, usually I couldn’t do that because by the time I go to bed, although I feel sober, I know that if I read something I won’t properly take it in.

I guess I just want some support and I’m not sure where else to ask for it. I’m a good mum but want to be a great one. I just want to be free.

If you feel able to, your doctor would be a good place to start. They can also refer you for support. If you think it would help, there are lots of online resources including zoom AA meetings. I know many people listen to podcasts and I'm sure someone else will be along who can recommend helpful literature. I hope you're able to find some support. Well done for trying to make a positive change.

OP i am in the same place. During lockdown my drinking crept up and up as I struggled to cope with the stress.

I am bloated and tired and want to stop it. I am currently drinking a glass of prosecco right now, but after this one plan to stop. I will keep you company if you like? I know there are other trheads but they are already well established so happy to join a brand new one if you are haoppy with that. :)

Our GP directed my DH to a local charity where he was able to get the support he needed. I wish you both well.

@ApplesPearsAndCrumble join me! I’ve been following the 10 days thread as well on the board since Wednesday so today is my 3rd consecutive AF day and my 4th this week (AF Monday but slipped up Tuesday when I started this post). Feeling quite positive although I’m not sleeping particularly well and I think tomorrow will be a struggle not to reach for the wine. The company is always appreciated and hopefully we can help each other! The busier posts seem supportive but the couple of times I have posted in the past (under my previous username) my posts have got lost in the thread and it’s not helped.

There used to be the brave babies threads on here, worth finding although not sure if they are still on the go?

Babes

Brave Babes thread in relationships. Its great and there is no judging

Hello @lastnightidreamtofmanderly

I will happily join. Thanks for the welcome. I have lurked on the Brwve baes thanks @dementedma and @ssd but everyone seems to be long standing posters and I feel shy about inserting myself.

I have already had a glass today so tomorrow is my Day 1.

*brave babes (typo!)

I'm struggling too - a bottle a night at the moment. Decided I want to try a dry April but starting tomorrow. Not great support from DH (who drinks just as much but usually more than me) so I haven't told him yet! Trouble is it's nearly the school holidays, and Easter so there's always some excuse to have a drink 😣 trying to lose weight too so hopefully results of this will spur me on

Morning, I had a wobble so I’m back on day 1. Not feeling too awful about it, I’m working on the basis that ever my dry day is one more than I would be having!

Can anyone link the brave babes thread on here please I can't find it ! I'm really struggling too ! Finding it hard to cut down I don't want to give up but it's so hard ! It's Makin me fat tired and miserable and irritable! Does any one have any advice ? How is everyone doing ? X

HI @CocoLady - here is a link to the most recent one - its been fairly quiet so it's slipped off the front page of Relationships

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4131527-BRAVE-BABES-the-bus-keeps-trundling-on?watched=1

@Stuckhere2021 Thankyou !

Hi
I also need to change the amount I drink and I've not been sure which is the right thread or place for me. I'm drinking around 60 units a week with probably 1 night off per week. I feel physically tired and mentally anxious, guilty and at times low about it. I'm overweight and in middle age I can see it is accelerating the ageing process. I enjoy my one night off per week but then I seem to lose motivation. If I have a wider goal of fitness and weight loss and general health improvement I think it will help.

Now the nicer weather is starting and the nights are lighter I want to make sure I start ingraining healthy habits instead of drinking wine or gin in the sunshine.

For me, herbal tea and a good book plus an early night are helpful.

I'm not sure what I want to do...have a dry period or work at cutting down.

What are others hoping to do?

@turnaroundtouchtheground I am also overweight and middle-aged and fluctuate between thinking it’s ok to carry on and wanting to cut down. I work three days a week and because of the environment I work in I don’t drink the night before work so that keeps things a bit in check but the holidays will be a challenge! I don’t currently want to stop altogether hence why I’m on this thread and not a stopping alcohol thread. Perhaps I’ll be on the stopping thread in a few months when I admit that moderation doesn’t work! I had one day AF then last night I had a drink - this was planned but I drank way more than I intended and that’s annoyed me a bit. By way more I mean 1.5 bottles instead of half a bottle, but it was over 7 hours and with others. I am annoyed that I had a plan and didn’t stick to it though.

Hi @Bigbus
You sound a lot like me, not sticking to your own rules then feeling guilty about it! I have decided to cut down to twice a week, just friday and Saturday unless anything special is happening on a week night (not much chance of that anyway!) And also, cut the amount on Friday and saturday down to 1 aperitif type drink say a g&t or beer, plus half a bottle of wine. That will bring my units down much closer to where they should be. Eventually I would like to drop the aperitif but one step at a time.

This is my last attempt at moderation, I'll do it mindfully and try to really notice the benefits of the nights off as well as savour the drinks on those nights.

I can't do lunchtime drinking anymore, it spirals me down really fast into drinking more so that's another decision.

Do you have a strategy, @Bigbus?

Is anyone else thinking of joining us?

@Butternutsqoosh are you starting dry April today? If so, good luck to you! Think of feeling slimmer and more healthy in your spring/summer wardrobe 😁

@Butternutsqoosh

Wrong emoji...meant to be a big smile, sorry!

@Lastnightidreamtofmanderley
@ApplesPearsAndCrumble

How are you both doing?

@turnaroundtouchtheground supposed to be but 'D'H was an absolute twat yesterday and today he's been called into work for a "we need to talk meeting" so I may reserve judgment on dry April for today!!

Hi everyone, I was wondering if I can sneak in and join you? I've been on the look out for a new thread like this for a while (name changed for this).
I've reached the point where I know I really need to cut down (quite a bit), but I constantly find reasons why it's not a good time (at the moment it's because of Easter and having time off work, so obviously I should 'treat myself').
I started couch to 5k last week too, in the hope that would spur me on. Running is going OK, but no change whatsoever drinking wise. Any support would be great as DH is no help whatsoever.

Hi and welcome @ICanSeeCherryBlossom
I'm sure the running and cutting down will go hand in hand for you...nothing worse than trying to run hungover. Did you have a specific goal in mind with drinking?

Thanks @turnaroundtouchtheground. Yep, the hangover run isn't much fun! Although I think I've got used to feeling a bit below par most of the time anyway.
What I want to get to is having the odd glass, but not feeling like I should constantly top it up, or refill it the moment its empty. I drink more than a bottle a night which makes me panic when I think about it.
I have always liked drinking, but it's got really out of hand in the past year. Working from home and home schooling meant the structure of my day went totally awry, and stress levels went through the roof. Now things are calmer, I can't break the habit.

Well done everyone for recognising that you are no longer in control of your drinking and taking steps to address it!!!

It may interest you to know that 'admitted we were powerless over alcohol' is the very first part of Step 1 in the AA programme.

I'm sure you all think that you 'aren't like them' and don't have Special Brew on your cornflakes but that's exactly what I thought. Until it got so bad I couldn't stop *even when I wanted to.

That was my 'jumping off point' when I realised I wanted help more than I wanted to drink.

I went to my first AA meeting and haven't looked back since. Life is incredible now and I can do all the things I thought I could NEVER do sober (go to parties, dance, have a laugh with my DH, be relaxed and confident in work social things)

There's loads of online meetings and you don't have to say anything. Just log in and listen and see if anything sounds familiar....

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/online