My ex partner has died

[Allabitmuchisntit]

Hi, my ex partner of ten years was found dead on Wednesday morning. He was an alcoholic although cause of death hasn't been made official yet. I had stayed away from him for the last couple of years. It was never really said in words that we were over. He continued to message me until ten days ago. I have been ignoring his messages since July because it always turned nasty. I was awful to him last time I answered him. But he was awful to me. I feel empty and can't believe this has happened. I suppose I thought he would just get better at some point. Sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place but just want to talk to someone who has been through similar. Thanks

I'm very sorry for you OP. I fully expect a similar call about my ex. The only people who will suffer are our children.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life?

Thanks for your reply. Yes I have people to talk to, but just wanted to talk with someone going through the same. We haven't got children together. It must make things so much harder. He became quite abusive in the end, so I had to completely distance myself. How is your situation with your ex?

Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear this. That's so tough for you. Sending much love and strength

Thank you whiteflat48. I feel very confused. So much of who I am is wrapped up in the time I spent with him. Things feel unfinished if that makes sense.

It is pretty bad between us and he's stopped sering our DC and has been abusive.

I hope you can manage to grieve properly and take time to get your head round it all. It must have been a shock for you

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Please be kind to yourself, you couldn't control what he did to himself.

So sorry to hear @Allabitmuchisntit. Like @SuperMutha, I fear it won't be long before I get a similar call about my ex P.

I totally understand the 'unfinished' feeling. It is a very strange thing, to have left an alcoholic partner/spouse, but then continue to know them and potentially still have frequent contact, esp if you have children.

For me I know I grieved our relationship for years before I had the courage to actually end it, and I know when my ex eventually dies due to their alcoholism, it will be a very strange kind of grief.

I hope you have some real life support? x

I’m so sorry. I hope you can go for a walk and find some space to process it all.

I know what you mean about the feelings of unfinished
I hadn't spoken to dm for over a year and then last January her partner turned up at my door 1 week after I had my baby to say she was dying
I'd been really horrible to her when I had last spoken to her but I'd reached the end of my tether with her drinking
If I'd known what was going to happen would I have acted differently? Probably.
But I also know if she was still alive and well now then I'd still just get drunken abuse and dragged on guilt trips