A bottle of wine a night

[lockdownhusband1]

I have found out from my brother in law that my sister is drinking a bottle of wine almost every night, and has been since before lockdown. She is aware that she has a problem, and during lockdown I know it is harder for us all when we are stuck in every night, but I am so scared at the effects it is having on her. Can anyone offer any help as to what my brother in law (or I) can say to her without sounding like we are having a go at her.

Nearly everyone I know is having a bottle of wine a night (or equivalent) so I am no help, sorry!

@BillieSpain ha ha! I just clicked on to say “isn’t everyone??” Well not me , I’m doing dry January but definitely lots of people I know

It's true though! @TweeterandtheMonkeyman

I know less people NOT drinking every day too, it’s not healthy but it’s certainly not unusual.
In my experience of heavy drinkers I don’t think there’s anything you can say or do, they’ll always deny there’s a problem until they realise it for themselves. My brother is an alcoholic, drinks every day, every single event in his life revolves around drinking but he will deny all the time and tell me he never even feels drunk. I think it’s more that he’s never really sure what it’s like to feel completely sober.

I was dependent on alcohol in the past (wine and/or vodka).

Here are some things my boyfriend (now husband) said that was helpful in changing my habits

1, "honey, I know you enjoy it but after a while all it will do is make you feel.sick"

2, "How about just giving your self a night off the booze, have some wine tomorrow night" - (the next night encourage me not to drink.)

3, "do you want to talk instead of drink? We can only talk if you have a diet coke instead"

In terms of practical thing your sister can do is -

Go to bed early too avoid over drinking.

Make a "to do list" for stuff she needs or wants to do even watching a movie. It's amazing how much time you waste while drinking.

I hope some of what I have suggested is helpful.

Try not to worry too much I reckon this is a temporary problem and she (unlike me) acknowledged that she has a problem and that's half the battle.

I’m not sure the comments about this being normal lockdown drinking are helpful, especially as you say your sis is aware there is a problem. A bottle a day can be a temp blip or the start of alcoholism. Either way, it is really not good. If your bro in law has confided in you and you are on here, you are presumably worried about her. Hopefully you’re both worrying about nothing but Trust your instincts. There are lots of signs, other than volume drunk, which can indicate things are veering towards alcoholism (or already there).

I think you just have to be open and honest with her. Don’t overthink it. Her reactions will tell you quite a bit and most people with a problem will get more defensive than someone without.

if she admits she needs to cut down, obviously that’s great. But, If she can’t stick to that over a few weeks or months, don’t keep giving her the same chances. At that point, up the ante drastically and quickly. The earlier she is treated (if needed), the better. Find a specialist addictions counsellor or clinic.

Trust your instincts, rather than her promises and try not to worry too much about offending or saying the wrong thing. The fact that you are already getting advice shows that you’re not the sort of person that tackles someone about their drinking lightly. Therefore, you are not overreacting.

Good luck and I hope it turns out to be just a lockdown blip.

There’s a free ‘Alcohol Experiment’ by Annie Grave who wrote Naked Mind. Once you sign up you’re sent videos of various ‘experts’, mainly psychologists talking about the marketing of alcohol & the addictiveness. She suggests we experiment with the idea of having a month off. Do you think something like this will help? Is your BIL also drinking? It’s harder to cease if everyone around you is drinking.

Lauracrazygirl - your DH sounds great! Very emotionally intelligent to give choices rather than "forbid" it.

Hi OP

I know lots of people are drinking a lot in Lockdown for reasons that we all understand.

But please take it from me - don't normalise this. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I used to be a 1 bottle a nighter - then in crept up to 2, then it changed in Lockdown 1 to day drinking.

And I am now in rehab - away from my kids and husband and having withdrawals.

I feel people are casual about this but if it doesn't go unchecked it can get really bad. I am absolutely mortified that I got myself into this stage - from "glass for Mummy after kids are in bed to REHAB". I am completely dismayed and disappointed in myself.

Please talk to your sister now. I would emphasise the health angle as well - I am getting my liver function test results back today and I can't even tell you how scared I am.

Best of luck to you and your sister.

It is so easy for alcohol consumption to just go up and up. Years ago I was drinking well over a bottle of wine a night. And feeling ok. I stopped drinking completely during the week as I was scared what was going to happen next. I was lucky, as I had no withdrawal symptoms. If I hadn't stopped I know that I would be a fully blown alcoholic by now.

I don't think that this normalising of drinking lots of alcohol is healthy, it is masking a problem.

I was drinking a bottle of wine a night. Blood tests showed that I had the beginnings of liver disease.

So many people justifying drinking because of the virus. It's not normal and it will make your SIL ill.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a lot you can do.

I am now teetotal. Sometimes, I miss wine but not for long and the benefits are so worth it.