Concerned. If someone I live with is regularly drinking 10-15 units per day. Which I think is too much. What should I do?

[Bluegot]

I tend to have one glass of wine a night myself after kids asleep. And miss the odd night. So not drinking every day. I know that I am drinking within an ok limit. But I am beginning to think I need to give up completely to lead the way. Is me drinking not helping the situation?

Is it a partner? Father of your children? Lodger? The advice would be very different.

Leave? That's an insane amount to be drinking.

My ex partner did this :-(.
At first I thought ok we can work with this...
but no big mistake..
don’t get me wrong he wasn’t starting arguments it was just he checked out after three or four drinks.
Soul destroying as you may as well be single. He would go to work , pay half the bills but that was it. No interest in cooking, doing anything to the house, no gardening nothing.
I used to have to drag him out with me and our son he would clock watch till he could get home and on the wine.
Awful :-( we’ve been separated fir six years now and he’s still drinking to those levels. He’s had a heart scare, is overweight, even texts me to tell me his having constant pain in his abdomen area. He doesn’t want to face it he won’t join the dots and so he carries on. I’m just thankful I left when I did it’s been tough but I imagine a life with him would have grown much worse.
Alcoholism is indeed a family disease.

Kateshair did you give up drinking altogether yourself while living with him? I feel like I need to otherwise I am a hypocrite if I bring it up. The clock watching til beer o’clock is sounding familiar it’s very frustrating

Sorry @bluegot but the answer to that question is basically yes. At those levels he (assuming a dp/dh) is risking alcoholism or is already there. ultimately, nothing you do or don’t do will make a difference to whether he quite or not but a) your drinking with him gives him an excuse b) living with (potentially) addiction is hard enough and you don’t want to add guilt to the emotional fallout.
Hope that helps a bit, though am sure it’s not what you hoped to hear.

Thank you. I guess it seems strange I even asked. Looking at your reply it seems obvious I need to quit. It’s just quite hard to give up myself, it is quite a commitment. I keep trying to convince myself. but I feel now maybe I have to

It’s hard to accept that someone has a genuine problem but it is a really positive step. If it helps, I continued to social drink with other people, just never with dh. I recommend reading up on enabling and co-dependency. You won’t necessarily have gone all the way down that route but it will help you avoid falling into common traps. Alanon May be helpful to you (for families of alcoholics) and is worth a google as they could give you some support, which is really important.

Really good luck!

Just looking for a second option really .
Long story trying to make short .
Just over 6 years ago I lost my partner to alcoholism. Life was hard for all concerned .
New chapter I started a relationship just over 2 years ago with a pleasant chap he treated us well said all the right things and I started to really like him . I have 2 children at home 18 and 11 and he has one of 17 . He works away 2 weeks out of every month and although I found it strange at first we got into a rountine where by when he came home he would stay at my house one night and one night at his . He had always had a glass of red wine when he stays sometimes I join him sometimes not but what I have noticed he had started drinking more and he gets very argumentative after a few ,not majorly but enough to be annoying . My daughter seems to get the brunt end if it ! Where by he will pick on her faults as being too needy of me . Her being silly with her dog . And he would rather not do things with my family if we go shopping he doesn’t really want them to come . If we go for a walk he would rather it be just him and me . Any thoughts on going forward or am I fighting a losing battle . If all come to a head last night when my daughter said she doesn’t like him coming round when he’s had a drink . And I feel for her . She must feel like old times again . I know she’s old enough to do her own thing but she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in her own home no matter what age .

I don’t think I am in any position to advise really. But what you describe sounds concerning to me. Getting argumentative doesn’t seem like a good sign. Especially as the relationship is still relatively new

You have every right to reply and thank you . After what I’ve been through I think I am over reacting maybe over his drinking . But what he seems to think of my family are another thing . Although I am going to miss how he makes me feel ( which is good and attractive) and not just a mum . I don’t think he is a family man . I’m not teetotal myself I too have the glass of wine at weekend x