Am I an alcoholic?

[SuperPixie247]

Tentatively posting as I am in a bit of a jumble.

I joined the Dry January 2021 thread in Chat and lasted a whole one day. I had a really stressful 2nd Jan and, once my DS had gone to his dad’s, ended up drinking all evening and all 3rd Jan – woke up feeling dire on the 4th. Just in time for my first day back at work. I had a drink that night and last night (and probably will tonight). It occurred to me that I drink most, if not every, evening from around 6pm when I finish work till I go to bed around 11pm, if I don’t have my DS (EOW) weekends around 2pm onwards. I very, very rarely get drunk, just takes the edge off. I wake up feeling rubbish usually but sling a couple of painkillers down my neck and get on with it. It’s been this way for YEARS.

I hold down a decent job where I am well respected, have a nice home, good relationship and a lovely (mostly!) DS. Nothing extreme or flash or anything. Just bumbling along. I don’t sneak booze or drink on a morning, I don’t get drunk whilst in charge of DS, I don’t put anybody at risk. I like to buy different, sometimes unusual, vodka’s and taste test them, use them in cocktails etc. for my blog and I don’t really want to lose that as it something I enjoy. But I can’t seem to stop drinking boring old, vodka lemonades or wine.

Do you think it is possible for me to find a balance? To still enjoy my passion of sampling unusual vodka’s but be able to quit the daily drinking? And how do I quit the daily drinking? The thought of not having a drink on an evening to chill after a day genuinely makes me feel sick and panicked.

What on earth is going on with me? I didn’t ever expect to be in a position like this but the Dry Jan thread really made me think

I don't think putting a label on yourself is helpful here as what people tend to do is what you've done which is to say I don't drink in the morning or sneak booze so I must be fine. The important part of what you've said is that you feel panicky at the thought of not being able to have your regular drinks.
So if you were to try and start Dry Jan again now, how would it go?

Hi. I don’t think labelling yourself is the best way to go I think you need to just focus on each day. I myself am on this journey too. Once I start I can’t stop. So I know I need to quit altogether. If you would like a buddy to walk this journey with I am up for the good and the bad. I am starting today with the aim to stop completely

Well, if you want a label, yes it sounds as if you are an alcoholic. You are not in control of your drinking and it is adversely affecting your life.

There's a lot of quit lit, and Allan Carr. I suggest you read/listen to a lot of it to get you where you need to be.

I should add, I was drinking a lot more than you are and I managed to stop by doing what I advise above.

OP I think if you're asking then you know that you are drinking too much. As Hello helpfully says above you are not really in control of your drinking. So you have two choices - to quit or to try to get your drinking under control. I am aware that most people would say that once you have lost control of your drinking quitting is the better option out of the two.

You could try dry January (or February) again. I quit drinking for 3 months and you'd be shocked how much weight you lose - since alcohol is simply doubling or tripling your daily sugar intake. So you could see it as part of a wider health kick with the benefit of losing weight and feeling much healthier and fitter. Or get a friend to join in with you for mutual support.

Believe me I've been there with the drinking too much. And its hard when life is so depressing at the moment. But the benefit of not waking up feeling fuzzy headed and a bit shit about yourself is really something.

I find that if I start I carry on drinking all evening - that's not healthy and I know it. So what I've been able to do is to limit myself to drinking only at the weekends and to start drinking later - so I don't start drinking till 7.30 or 8 pm. I also limit myself as to how much alcohol I have in the house. So I might buy a bottle or two of lager so that's all I have in to drink for the evening. Honestly it does feel better.

Hi OP!

Well done for asking the question...many people don't and never will so you're already taking a big step.

Sounds like you've recognised you're to some extent depending on your evening drinks. That's ok, lots and lots of people are, it's a highly addictive drug after all! If the doctor handed you some drugs and said "be careful, if you use these every day you may become dependent" I feel like we'd all take it quite seriously but because booze is SO normalised we just tend to carry on because it's what everyone else is doing.

Here's my advise...try quiting for a bit. See how you get on and how you feel after six weeks, and then decide what you want to do.

I was very like you, I got drunk with work colleagues when out but on my own just stayed the right side of in control every night - but the idea of going without of an evening horrified me!

So I stopped seven months ago. And do you know what, it was really hard. And that is what convinced that I need to stay stopped.

So here are some tips:

• (unless you suspect you're over the threshold where physical dependency might have occured and a detox might be necessary - for ref. I wasn't and I was at 90 units per week) stop today rather than in a few weeks time or on Monday or when the bottle is finished etc. You've had the thought now so strike when the iron is hot and use the momentum.
• get a B Vitamin complex down you, daily drinking rinses your body of thiamine and it'll help your mood and energy levels
• come to SMART zoom meetings with me (you don't have to turn camera or mic on or say anything if you don't want - just listen) it's CBT based abstinence training. No God stuff. There's one tonight at 7.30. it's so nice to know what we have is a perfectly ordinary problem that effects all walks of life.
• get reading/listening to quit lit, Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, This Naked Mind, Alcohol Lied to Me...there are dozens and dozens. These also help you realise how commonplace alcohol dependence is.
• focus on just not drinking for today for now. Don't think about the big "forever" picture for the minute. Just do today.
• join the long running sober thread on here EVERYONE is in the same boat

Here are two more things to think about:

• there's a technique called "Addictive Voice Recognition" which is where you try to separate yourself from what your dependant brain is telling you to do. Psychological addiction to alcohol is very, very real, just because is psychological it doesn't mean it's "made up" - alcohol damages and rewires your brain it's not your fault you get panicky without it, it's the chemicals in your brain doing it because of years of alcohol exposure. So start trying to get used to the idea that all the reasons your brain is coming up with to keep on drinking are a result of your drinking it's the "chimp" part of your brain having a tantrum
• and sorry to be a real downer here but when you say "I don’t sneak booze or drink on a morning, I don’t get drunk whilst in charge of DS, I don’t put anybody at risk" you could add the word "yet" to the end of that statement. Every addiction memoire I've read and every person in recovery I've spoken to says a variation on "I thought I wasn't and addict because I never did X.....until I did". You may be totally right OP...you may go through life never drinking more than you're doing now and not harming anyone except yourself...but is it worth the risk? A chap in a meeting not long go said his advice to everyone who thought they drank too much was: act now. Don't wait until it get "bad enough" for you to have what society sterotypically sees as "a problem". Intervene early so you don't risk losing/damaging the things that matter most to you.

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh but there is a risk there.

What do you think? Will you give it a try?

MN Sobriety thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4117520-Leave-alcohol-behind-and-re-learn-your-life-The-freedom-thread

SMART meeting here:
Info: smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/

Room:
zoom.us/j/98936633844
Pass code: 614271

It's the best facilitatior of the lots on Thursdays. Just to reiterate...no one will speak to you or ask you to speak...you can leave you mic and camera off the whole time and just listen in.

Yes, I would say high functioning alcoholic. I think a lot of people are these days.
DH and I are seriously cutting back, just like you we love a drink. We will happily knock back a bottle of red each a night and have absolutely no hangover the next day. New Year’s Eve we had a few beers, 3 bottles of wine and few G&T’s. No hangover. We can also go weeks without drinking, so don’t see it as a ‘problem’. But we know it really IS a problem and we have vowed to cut back and exercise more. DH is currently learning a new hobby in the evening. I’ve been decluttering and spring cleaning. We’ve both been reading more and going to bed a little earlier. Waking up refreshed, without that horrid feeling. We both want to lose weight and we both have cancer in the family, which worries us.
We still drink at the weekend, but later and only one bottle between us. We’ve only been doing it a few weeks and we already look a little better, more rested and have more energy.
If you have to ask if you have a problem, then you probably do, but there’s time to do something about it! Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up now and then. Just try and have 5/6 alcohol free days per week, don’t open it at 6pm, open it later and go to bed earlier. Have a pint of water before you drink.
Don’t buy it / buy in bulk - if it’s not there you can’t drink it! Or think ooh “I’ll just have one”, (because it never is)!
Good luck with however you decide to approach your drinking.

I think the majority of us are tbh. But that label isn’t helpful. I stopped on 18th December and have found the free 30 day ‘Alcohol Experiment’ by Annie Grace very helpful. She invites us to experiment with not drinking fir 30 days & really looks at the shy etc. It’s quite thought provoking. Just google it and sign up to the free sessions. It’ll help your mindset. This coupled with others’ suggestions will help you really think about it and get you started on quitting.