How far does alcoholism change your personality?

[Curtainsdrawn]

I have gone NC with a previously very close friend who has developed alcohol dependency. My once kind and caring friend has become untrustworthy, unfaithful, verbally abusive, aggressive and threatening. It’s heartbreaking, and I’m grieving the person I thought I knew. Can alcohol dependency have changed his personality this much, or are these probably traits that he has always had but just kept under control? It’s so hurtful that he has behaved like this towards me; I know he’s upset about me going NC but it’s the only way I can see to protect myself. To what extent can alcohol change someone’s personality?

I don't know. I think they do a lot. My Mum was kind, gentle, timid and a secret drinker. But when I came home and she was drunk, she was unrecognisable. Horrible. Scary.

@Hotpinkangel19 I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your perspective

Alcoholism brings out the Jekyll and Hyde in people - I'm a recovering alcoholic, I was either weepy and self-pitying, or a monster.

Alcohol is a mood-altering substance, remember, and it can swing many ways.

@BeautyGoesToBenidorm congratulations on your recovery. I have no previous experience of alcohol dependency; you’re right about alcohol being mood altering, I was naive to the extent this can occur.

@CurtainsDrawn, alcoholism is mind-boggling to those with little experience of it, so it's understandable you're questioning everything.

I know so many recovering alkies who are some of the best, kindest, most generous people I've ever met. However, by their own admission, they were horrific beasts when they were drinking. Total personality change.

You're doing the right thing by going NC/low contact. You won't be able to snap him out of it. Protect yourself and your own mental health x

Hi OP, I completely agree with everything that @BeautyGoesToBenidorm has said. The big book (AA bible) refers to the Jekyll and Hyde personalities of the drinking and the sober alcoholic. I have heard lovely, kind, considerate people share in meetings of their drinking days: criminal behaviour, active drinking while pregnant, drunk driving, violence - none of this bears any relation to the people they are now, as long as they stay sober.

You are doing the right thing by going NC with your friend. You must protect yourself and, as Al-Anon say, detach with love.

I have an alcoholic family member who’s prone to snapping and becoming aggressive, abusive and threatening. So what you describe sounds fairly typical, sadly.

Sadly alcohol dependants are similar to drug addicts and do change personality. You are better off away from them.

Thank you for saying I’ve done the right thing, it makes me feel less like a bad friend. He has told others how angry he is that I’ve gone NC and sees it as judgemental and unsupportive. I want to be a good friend but won’t tolerate abuse.
I suppose all I can hope for is that he will seek help and go into recovery, and perhaps one day reach out when he is well.

Speaking as somebody who is alcohol dependent, I don't know. I think every person is different. I have none of the attributes your friend has. I'm a functioning alcoholic trying my best to find my way out. I can only imagine he has got to the pont where his only regard is for himself. All you can do is hope that kind and caring friend comes back x