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I've stopped drinking - partner hasn't. Help!

1 reply

Aroaringfire · 07/12/2020 14:07

Hi all,
Iv used the alcohol free life threads in here before, and I stopped drinking in April, after deciding moderation was too much of a headache. Me and DH had a habit of having a stock of drinks at home and drinking too often - not huge amounts on any day, but as I know many in here have experienced it started to take away more than it gave - lethargy, anxiety etc.

When I stopped I didn't plan for it to be permanent but with the help of Annie Grace's material, I no longer have an interest in drinking and don't think that'll change. DH has continued drinking, in much the same pattern as before. If I'm honest I had hoped that seeing the benefits that I've had might encourage him to cut down but it hasn't - and tbf he doesnt seem to get the ill effects I had. We don't have children and he manages fine in his job etc.

The trouble is with lockdown, we're home all the time and his drinking is starting to grate on me. He's not abusive or nasty, just after a few he's boring or becomes a bit 'mansplaining'. It's nothing dramatic yet but I can see if it goes on it'll be the start of the 'ick' !
If I mention it to him the next day he's very apologetic but he doesn't change his drinking. Of course the impact is lost on him because he doesn't experience it & his memory is fuzzy. In normal times we'd both have hobbies that take up some evenings but for a long time now we're home together every night so it's magnified (and he's drinking more often because there's nothing else to do but sit in and watch films) We only have a small flat so if I don't sit with him I'd be sat in the bedroom and it'd be quite obvious that I'm avoiding him.

Has anyone been in a similar position and got through it? I know it's not up to me to give him an ultimatum, and if someone had been telling me the same a year ago I'd be absolutely defending my right to have a few glasses of wine at home, especially in lockdown. But with Christmas coming I'm just finding the prospect of being sober with only him for company a bit depressing. Help!

OP posts:
Chablis1234 · 10/12/2020 10:36

Hi there. Just thought I'd say that I've read your story with interest and offer sympathy. I don't have any advice unfortunately as in my relationship I'm the one who drinks and my partner doesn't. I'm trying to stop though but it's so hard. And I completely understand the partner on the other side. I try to keep a low profile after I've had a few glasses in the evening because I don't want to irritate my partner, so he doesn't even always notice that I drink. My problem is that I use alcohol to self-medicate / relax / get through a stressful evening with a hyperactive toddler ... so a different situation .... but I completely understand yours. I think the only way is to have an honest conversation, perhaps offer help, think of alternative evening activities.... think of a challenge, e.g. not drinking during the week, or not drinking every other day... that sort of thing. Good luck x

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