Finally sought help...scared and need support please.

[Icandothis88]

Hi everyone

I have struggled with alcohol on and off (mostly on) for 20 years.

I spoke to my gp 2 weeks ago who told me how to cut down while taking a benzodiazapine (excuse spelling) and first few days was fine then straight back upto what I was drinking before. I feel so worthless I let it happen - it's ruining my life. I'm terrified of the damage I've done to myself and missed my blood test appointment. I didn't rearrange or call back my GP because she'll think I'm a timewaster.

I am mum and student. I have online appointments with both my uni counselling service and some from addiction services tomorrow before I speak to my education advisor as I will most definitely fail my impending exams.

I know Indeed to makea new appointment to have my bloods taken, I'm just so scared because I do have physical symptoms. I also need more medication as today is me starting day 1 of reducing my intake along with the medivation I had left over from not sticking to what I was advised.

I'm so worried that she won't believe I really want to stop when I've failed so quickly.

I don't want to cut down to stop, I want to stop completely but have to wean myself off. I am struggling with the willpower because once I start I want to keep going...restaurants are delivering wine so I can order at the click of a button and not leave the house.

Please if there is anyone out there that has been the same, tell me you got through it and it will be OK.

I'm so worried about my health and hate myself for doing this to my children. They could lose me through my own selfishness. I can't believe I've got to this stage.

What are you drinking and how much. Mist be hard but one less drink per day for a couple of days then 2 less xx

I was where you are.

On Friday I passed my anniversary of 7 years sober thanks to AA.

Have you thought about contacting them? You can do phone or email chat and there are zoom
Meetings on all the time.

With their support, I learnt how to live a different life so that I didn't need alcohol

I tried so many times to stop on my own but I couldn't do it. I had completely lost control of my drinking.

Hi OP, your feelings of guilt are perfectly normal. I gave up drinking almost 2 years ago and I felt exactly the same when I quit. I couldn't believe I let it go on so long.
Those feelings didn't last. Are you a Facebook user? If so come and join us in The Unexpected Joy of being Sober group (not affiliated with the book) you will meet many in the same boat, some on day one, others on day 1000.
Life without alcohol seems unimaginable at first. You feel like you are giving up something that is enjoyable (if only we didn't take it too far and spoil it for ourselves) but believe me I no longer miss it and I enjoy my life far more than I would if I was drinking.
You need to change the way you see alcohol and the best thing I did was listen to a book called Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. It was like a switch was flicked and I no longer see alcohol as a treat but as a thief of happiness. If you sign up to audible you can probably get it for free.
Don't panic. A better life awaits you xx

Thank you so much for your replies.

2 bottles of wine most days. Yesterday only had 2 glasses along with the medication I was prescribed and feel ok this morning (albeit a bit down). I have some appointments today and will definitely need to call the doctor and 'fess up' that I just went straight back into it after a few days. I am so ashamed of myself. Also worried my uni might kick me out, I've no idea how these things are dealt with x

You can do this OP. How are you getting on today? Don't worry to much about the blood test, your GP will understand there are false starts on the journey to giving up. The benzodiazepines should help with the withdrawal symptoms as you taper off and cut out the wine completely, don't be disheartened, it is so hard but it will be such a relief when you are finally free of it. Wishing you all the best ❤️

You can do it! Wanting to do it is a huge step, so well done for that.

I read/listened to loads of Quit Lit. Then, when I was ready, I listened to Allan Carr's Easyway To Control Alcohol book.

I don't drink now, and I don't miss it!

That’s what being an alcoholic is, it’s so hard to give up. It’s an addiction, you haven’t failed.
You want to stop, so see your G.P and explain what you’ve done, they’ll understand. You will get there, but it will take time and there may be set backs.
You can definitely do this.

Good for you taking the first moves towards getting help.

Few people will judge you for being "weak" etc - addiction is an illness, it's a bloody nightmare and nothing to do with willpower. An alcoholic's default mode is to drink.

I got sober in AA too 26 years ago. It changed my like completely and things are now better than I ever could have imagined. AA is not for everybody, but there are loads of online meetings at the moment if you want support - you can just listen if you want to.

I don't really have any advice but wanted to pop by and leave a comment. This is really close to my heart as my dad is an alcoholic and my whole life has been spent wishing things would be different with him. I obviously don't live with him anymore but I always worry for his health. I feel lucky he was there to give me away at my wedding last year, I never thought I would have that experience. Even leaving home to go to uni years ago, I worried he would die whilst I wasn't there. He's functioning (as in, he works full time etc) but at home it's a different story.

I just really wanted to say that you are doing great. It's a massive step in realising you need to change. It's a point my dad has never reached and I would give anything for him to get to that. You should be proud of being at this stage and I am sure your children will be proud of that too, the fact you are really trying.
I really hope you can keep this up. Do you have any friends or family that can support you? I found that smart recovery (smartrecovery.org.uk) is great. They have online meetings and also one for family and friends which I have utilised in the past. It's different to AA, they focus on changing your thought processes and thinking differently.

Good luck, I have faith that you can do this! You have already taken such a big step and that's one of the biggest hurdles for so many.

You've taken a really important step by seeking help- well done. Try to focus on the whole process as a positive one and picture yourself in a few months, a year, a few years. You can do it! My brother turned his life around with help of AA. Good luck!