Support needed please - alcohol and bereavement

[Seaside1234]

I finally faced up to my longstanding problems with alcohol over the summer. I've given up drinking at home until at least Christmas, which as things stand mean I've basically given up - I've drunk on 5 days since the beginning of September, one of which was my birthday and all of which were planned in advance. I'm much happier sober and I think I'm getting better at handling difficult feelings.

My mum died last night. She had advanced Alzheimer's disease, so it wasn't exactly a surprise but it was a shock. I have to work over the weekend, but I'll be heading to the other end of the country to my family on Monday.

I need some help and support coping with this without excess alcohol. I don't want to remember this time associated with guilt of drinking. If I can get through this with minimal to no alcohol, I can get through anything. I can already hear my inner addict telling me that this is a completely reasonable reason to drink, that no-one would judge me for it.

Can I check in with you lovely ladies over the next few days? I need someone who knows how hard it is to cope with real life without alcohol when you're still newly in the trenches

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. You are doing amazingly with controlling your drinking and please keep checking in

I don't know if I can help but please have a hug. I'm so sorry about your mum.

You are doing brilliantly to have cut down so much.

• is there anyone in your family you can trust to be your wingman/buddy at this time? Someone who you can talk to if you feel tempted. A friend you could phone?

• have a story prepared for the well-intentioned bringers of booze - some kind of 'doctor's orders' thing. An ulcer? A little white lie to get you through.

• identify your triggers. When are you going to find it hardest to resist a drink How can you navigate these moments?

I'm only a few days in so might not be much help - I am so sorry about your mum. I hope the next week goes as well as it possibly can for you. If I can help at all with checkins happy to do so.

How are you doing OP?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum @Seaside1234, it must be terribly painful for you. I’m afraid I don’t have any great advice, but perhaps consider that an already painful time will just be far harder to handle with a hangover or post-drinking anxiety. If you are doing it sober I would practice rehearing in my mind asking for a soft drink. If people are nosy I would just say ‘I’m not drinking at the moment for health reasons’ or something and change the subject completely if people probe further. Log on here whenever for some support. You have achieved so much this year already you can cope this this.

Thank you everyone, support is v much appreciated. Made it through my work weekend, ready to drive 7 hours south today. I’ve made a plan, depending on how many days I end up being there (funeral apparently unlikely to happen this week), and so far when I have a plan in advance I’ve managed to stick to it. However I know everything’s going to feel a hell of a lot more real when I get there. I’m trying to think of the drinking-much-less-than-I-would-have-before as just what I do now, rather than a massive challenge. Thanks again, hope everyone has a peaceful week x

Good luck with it seaside. A plan is good. Please check in here if it helps.

You need to think about what you will do/say if you’re offered alcohol while down there, such as ‘no thanks, I want to keep a clear head’.
Have your excuses ready.

All the best for your journey today and your week ahead. Can you ask for a cup of tea or coffee? It buys you a bit of time to decide on the next one.

How are you