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Alcohol support

Caught sneaky drinking

63 replies

Joder · 19/11/2020 19:52

My husband works outside most nights so when he does, I crack open a bottle of wine. I haven’t been bad lately, sticking to weekends only.
I made a mistake tonight and started before he came home.
He knew I had been drinking and went apeshit. Telling our 8 year old how I was a disgrace and drunk, I was absolutely raging. I would never torment our child with adult problems!!
The thing is, I have always drank this way. He works for himself and would often go out to work late in the evenings so when the kids are in bed, I’d open a bottle. Not always, and he never knew.
And can I just say, I was never totally out of it that I couldn’t care for my kids, wine doesn’t effect me that way. Two bottles, now that’s a different story! But it just never happens!
So lately, during lockdown. I’ve been wfh and starting about 5pm, again not every night but the odd time he notices, he thinks I’m a complete alcoholic.
The thing is I’ve always drank this way and he’s just never known because he isn’t here. I can’t get that through to him lately though.
He is a complete tee totaler, work-aholic. Even without lock down he won’t socialise or go out anywhere with me. I lead a complete single life when I am able to socialise.
He is completely boring, we have both agreed on this one. It’s no excuse for me to drink but I do admit to being bored shitless a lot of the time. Wine makes me chatty, so I ‘chat’ online with all my friends and I don’t feel so lonely.
Sorry for long post, I’m so frustrated 😡

OP posts:
BronwenFrideswide · 21/11/2020 14:33

Anyone who needs to drink to feel happy and chatty, which is what the OP says, has a drink problem.

Anyone who has to hide their drinking, which is what the OP says, has a drink problem.

Anyone who has to drink every evening, starting earlier than usual, and by the sounds of things one bottle per night, which is what the OP says, has a drink problem.

Anyone who rages and becomes defensive over their drinking and blames others or their situation for drinking, which is what the OP says, has a drink problem.

Anyone who can't be honest about how much and how often they drink, as has the OP, has a drink problem.

The OP has a drink problem.

The OP may well have other problems but the problem with drink will stop her addressing them so that problem needs to be sorted first.

MikeUniformMike · 21/11/2020 14:57

@BronwenFrideswide, your preachy post has put me in the mood to head to the off-licence.

flametrees · 21/11/2020 15:16

@OverTheRubicon we are discussing.
I assume lots of posters read and don't post but may have the same issues or know someone who has and this type of topic is very relevant particularly at the moment. I don't think it's appropriate to shut down discussion. Who knows the OP may never even come back to this post.

TicTacTwo · 21/11/2020 16:03

OP your posts are very very confused.

  1. How much do you drink and how often?
  2. Do you hide the empty wine bottles?
  3. The fact that you think that not drinking = boring is a problem.
  4. You're aware of why you get drunk. Can anything be done to improve your marriage?
  5. If you're totally ok after a whole bottle of wine that's a problem. Suggests your tolerance is high or that you're kidding yourself
  6. Is 5pm when you finish work? I don't think 5pm is worse than 6pm but the fact that you don't drink until bang on 5 suggests you know that it's dodgy ground
  7. Is there nothing you can do in the evenings? Surely it's pitch black by 5 so your h isn't out in the garden for long?
  8. Are you sure there's no socia clubs near you? You sound very lonely and I think you risk pissing your friends off by drunk calling them. If
OverTheRainbow88 · 21/11/2020 16:34


Ok, good point. Sorry.

BronwenFrideswide · 21/11/2020 19:00

[quote MikeUniformMike]@BronwenFrideswide, your preachy post has put me in the mood to head to the off-licence.[/quote]

Joder · 22/11/2020 16:11

Thank you all for your replies. Some of you have been so kind and I really appreciate that.
Others quite mean, I hope your life always stays so perfect!
Just to update, my DH and I sat down and really talked. I’ve told him how lonely I am, it’s absolutely not his fault I choose to drink. He told me how he worries so much about me. My amazing brother died a few years ago and I took to drinking to numb my pain. I couldn’t cope at all. My DH has told me he worries I will fall back into this trap again.
We have agreed that I will have a bottle of wine Saturday night and I’m happy with this.
I don’t phone my friends, I text so I’m not slobbering!
My DH has his garage in the garden so he is available all the time, my child is NEVER at risk.
But as I said, thank you for the replies from those of you who genuinely cared. The rest of you, you probably shouldn’t be posting on an alcohol ‘support’ forum!

OP posts:
Hiccupiscal · 23/11/2020 07:18

@Joder. So glad you and DH had a chat, I agree, you had so many unnecessary harsh replies.
Ive recently gone from being a heavy drinker to having a few glasses on the weekend.
There's a lovely thread on here by @witchwoo (not sure if I've spelt the UN totally right) lots of support and very friendly if you would like to join us.
Everyone drinks for different reasons, its about exploring those reasons and making small, achievable changes. Please look at some other threads on here where you'll find more understanding and support.

Not sure why yours became so highlighted tbh!

Joder · 23/11/2020 08:04

@Hiccupiscal thank you for your lovely reply!
I would love to join you all :)

OP posts:
Hiccupiscal · 23/11/2020 09:31

It is called 'day 1 again and time to get my life back '

Started by another poster but several of us jumped on board, its only a few pages long as this point so you won't have trouble catching up snd reading about mine and other journies. Its gone a little bit quiet at the moment but someone always pops back up to welcome new people and to catch up.

Come and say hello :)

Hiccupiscal · 23/11/2020 09:31

Just to add, and there's many more positive threads on this board, so many long standing ongoing ones, but does take some committed reading as some of them are pages and pages long. X

SmileyClare · 23/11/2020 09:37

Yeah good luck joder. Brave of you to come back to the thread Wink

It's easy to slip into bad habits, whatever your vice. I think the pandemic and associated worries/disruption of routine have made lots of us struggle. I'm also really sorry about your brother. Life can be so shit sometimes. Flowers

I would also recommend joining a group on here for some non judgemental support. Look after yourself.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 27/11/2020 07:24


I think some on here have allowed your wine drinking to eclipse your husbands behaviour.

Great that you’re wanting to cut down, but I also think it’s worth paying attention to his your husband behaves towards you snd your children, reading some material on control, power and domestic abuse (Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?) and having a read on Refuge and Women’s aid)

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