Dealing with the shame

[justlookingforadvice]

I dont drink every day or crave a drink every day but when i do drink i dont stop until i pass out. This is always after a black out where i have said and done things that are most of the time horrifically bad. Iv hurt the people i love and let everyone down including myself and shown myself up in public countless times. i dont know how to deal with the shame of it all. Any advice is welcome. I am mortified to put this out there but im struggling with it at the moment. Thank you for reading.

Please get in touch with AA.
They have zoom meetings at all hours.
You will find help there.

If you can't stop once you start, it sounds like you have a bit of a problem. You could stop drinking. The shame you speak of will evaporate with the passing years.

I stopped in AA 26 years ago. AA has special techniques to deal with shame and a whole load of other negative feelings and emotions.

I haven't had a drink for about a month now and even when i was drinking it was only about once or twice a month. I just cant stop thinking about my
drunken behaviour lately so just wondered if there was anyone out there who had been through the same thing.

Lots and lots of people have - you will find plenty of identification and help in AA.

so just wondered if there was anyone out there who had been through the same thing at AA you will find those have indeed been through the same thing and most probably a lot worse. It does sound like your alcohol stop-button is faulty OP. Being an alcoholic doesn’t mean 24/7 craving ...it can present differently in people...but the faulty stop button is a common thing. The shame is associated with the stuff that’s happened...you cannot turn back the clock and change it - what’s done is done. All you can do (if you are mentally at the right point) is to vow not to add fresh shame to the old and to go sober for the rest of your life. It’s probably a small price to pay for the anguish that you’re experiencing.

Just want to reiterate that you will find so much help and support and real workable ways of dealing with your drinking and the shame that you feel in AA.
Go for it. It absolutely works if you do what they suggest.