Here I am again...

[JorisBonson]

I vowed in December (and on here) to give up alcohol after falling over (again) and giving myself concussion.

I didn't quit, and yesterday I managed to get so drunk that DH was on his way to pick me up from central London.

I have awful pains and bruises from falling over. I remember people asking me if I was ok. Apparently I was hysterical. I can see I was calling my mother and I have a voicemail from get I'm too scared to listen to.

I've scared myself, yet again. Why do I do this?

I hate being here, I hate feeling like this. I don't know why I'm like this and know I need to do something.

I hope you're feeling a bit this evening @JorisBonson and that the posts here have been of some comfort to you. There seems like a lot of support on the alcohol boards on here too if you need it

Thanks @titsbumfannythelot, I've been lurking all day and reading a lot of the alcohol support threads.

DH is home (and ironically drunk! Rare for him!) which is making me feel a lot better. The pains where I fell just need to go away now.

Hi jorisbonson hope you are feeling a bit better, there is alot of support here for you. I have been here too and know I felt like a weight had lifted when I admitted my problem to those close to me. My first day sober felt fantastic and since then it has got better. It gets hard at times but I have had more good than bad days.

I didn't feel the need to seek professional help, I read lots of quit lit, my faves being Allen Carr the easy way for women, Annie Grace and Mrs D is going without. I second audiobooks as I felt I could not concentrate in the early days. I was selfish, in that I did whatever I had to get through that day be it, going for a walk on my own or, having a bath etc.

You can do this, I would say day by day for now, don't put timeframes on it just stay sober today and see how you go.

I have some awful tales to tell which still make me cringe. However, my sleep is amazing, my skin is better I have so much patience with my DC and I now like and trust myself, oh I have also lost weight (despite inhaling chocolate). I am now 75 days sober and like hangingover said if anyone had told me this I would never believe it. Good luck.

Can I suggest that you audible your way through all the books to help you stay on track. But make the decision first to go alcohol free for 6 (or whatever) months. Then ask the GP to help as much as possible - particularly with regular testing

Throw yourself at it. Join
learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration

Good luck.

Would you consider professional help at this stage? Residential treatment?

I had a realisation like yours and picked up the phone to AA - I had tried lots of other ways to control / stop and none of them worked.

I was still very much functioning day to day but could see that alcohol was starting to take over and I had to get help as it was too much for me.

The love, hope, help and support I found was indescribable.

There are regular zoom meetings nowadays and if you pm me I can give you details for one you can come to 'with' me tonight!!!

Or call the helpline and they will put you in touch with someone from your area who will share their story with you and explain how it all works

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

@nimbuscloud I'm going to see how I get on myself first but it's not out of the realms of possibility.

@FusionChefGeoff I did look at AA (more than once) but, if I'm being totally honest, the religious side of it puts me off!

Day 2 and feeling good. Very rare day off and no-one else in the house, going to take my time getting up then sort the house and make DH a nice dinner for being a good egg.

I was 100% atheist when I joined and I promise you it is not a religious programme. They use the word God as a shorthand for a higher power and that power can be absolutely anything you want.

Mine is impossible to describe but is loosely based on the Gaia / universe / Buddhism idea of spirituality and has kept me sober for nearly 7 years when I couldn't go for more than 2 days without a drink.

That's interesting, cheers @FusionChefGeoff, maybe I'll rethink it.

Just realised that I can't actually remember the last time I went 2 straight days without a drink, even if it was just a glass of wine. That's going to be a first in my adult life.

OP, have a look at this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Cure-Alcoholism-Medically-Eliminate-Addiction/dp/B07GQ59G57/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&crid=18SY1SX15W354&keywords=the+cure+for+alcoholism&sprefix=The+cure+for+alcoholism+%2Caps%2C188&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1602486582&sr=8-1

And google The Sinclair Method. It worked for me. I only drink very rarely now.

Thank you @Whererainfalls. My Amazon list is full of good stuff now while I wait for payday (another reason to quit. £120 spent on Saturday. How???)

How have you been this week @JorisBonson?

Just read the whole of this thread,
@jorisbonson would be lovely for an update...

Hello all - sorry for the silence.

I've had one slip on Sunday evening where we went for dinner and I ordered a beer without thinking. I drank half of it, however, I didn't neck it, order a second, have a glass of wine and then crack on when I got home so there's a small victory there.

I think lockdown is helping in that I'm not allowed to go and meet friends in the pub.

I'm having a catch up with a friend on Wednesday that would usually involve a load of beers, so going to suggest dinner and coffee instead.

Thanks for checking in x

Hi OP. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 25 years of sobriety. Addiction is a complex disorder, with lots of factors, but at its basis is biochemistry:

Molecular basis of alcoholism

As you noted, you have no off switch once you start drinking. No one with alcohol use disorder does. One is too many and a dozen isn't enough, as they say.

It's a horribly hard addiction to kick without help. Start with your GP, and don't be ashamed to bring it up, he or she will respect you for being honest about it. Peer support is really important for most people as well. I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who find AA too religious as your higher power can be anything you like and most groups aren't that insistent about it. Try a different group. Most places have lots to choose from. It is hard to go when you're new and I think the trick is to hang around afterwards for coffee hour and meet people. That will make coming back much more comfortable.

When you have what is fundamentally a medical problem there is no shame in seeking help, either from professionals or from others who cope with the same problem.

Good luck.

Glad you are doing well @JorisBonson

How you doing @JorisBonson

I got sober with aa and had the same feelings about the god thing , it's really not an issue, don't let it put you off.

There's some amazing meetings on zoom , let me know if you'd like details x

Thank you @cherrytreeblossom I may take you up on that.

I’m with ChefGeoff and Cherryblossom - I had got to a point of do or die. My life was hell!!!! It’s a progressive Illness and only ever gets worse.
I (reluctantly) joined AA and have never looked back. The God thing really put me off but it isn’t God, it’s a higher power of your understanding/whatever you’re comfortable with. My HP is like my fairy godmother.
AA is also a design for life. It’s so much more than actually not drinking. It helps you to peel back the layers and discover/become comfortable with whatever is causing you to drink like this.
Had I read this post 18 months ago there would have been one mighty eye roll but for me, it’s been the only thing to have worked.
Good luck, you deserve more than this....