I spent ages typing a message and it disappeared so now I'm really fed up!
DH drinks, not monumental amounts, and as I will explain, I can't work out how much he drinks, so I don't know if it's me with the issue or DH, but I'm so fed up and I can feel myself so jaded and losing any spark or joy in life.
DH drinks about 4 times a week, but, fro examples I'll list, he has beci.e stupid secretive about it which is part of the issue.
I stopped drinking about 7 months ago, prob in that time had a drink about 3 times but I it a couple of drinks, no big boozy sessions.
About 3 year ago my dad died of cancer. Prior to him receiving a terminal diagnosis he was orig diagnosed with prostate cancer which was so low as to have being monittered without treatment as an option. However, on what would turn out to be his final Christmas day (at this point we didn't know it was so bad / twrmi Al) DH got blathered. I was livid, he was slurri g, talking bollocks and later utterly miserable. I was so angry the next day, pointed out it was bloody obvious my dad was seriously ill ( he couldn't stay awake, no appetite, weight had plumetted,) and likely his last Christmas. DH very apologetic, agreed had an issue and was going to stop.
About 4 or 5 month ago I woke up at half3 to a huge crash, DH had fallen off a chair (from sitting on it) and split his head open as he was so drunk he couldn't stop himself. Blood everywhere, he had staggered to sink to wash head, making even more mess, utterly incoherent. The scar is still very visible on his forehead. He told people he had banged his head in cellar. DH next day really sorry, agreed poss had a problem and decided he was going to stop.
But, he never does stop. In fact I think he drinks more regularly but, this is another issue, it's in secret. He hides cans or wine in the cellar. I had s bottle of gin bought be a friend 3 weeks ago as we had to isolate. He drank it. Replaced it. Tonight I saw it and, as it's a fruit / pink gin it's really really obviously been watered down. I know he has had at least 4 cans bit , as it's all squirrekeedcawsy, it could be more. I heard ice machine on fridge, DC were upstairs so not them. He doesn't have ice with cans so I suspect had gin. But he drive to the shop to get some bits for tea. It's only a short drive so by time I realised cans drunk and gin watered down (but no proof when he drank it) he was already back home. If I had noticed it at pint of him setting off I would have called police to find him and pull him over to face any consequences.
This is my problem, or DHS, he drinks in secret, I can tell as some nights he slurs and talks bollocks but thinks he isn't, I find empty cans in the cellar, in between cereal.packets, in cupboards tucked in where pans are. Never loads at once, but always some are somewhere, or wine bottles.
But he functions. He does school morning run, will make tea, goes to work. However health wise he's fucked really: always been overweight, about 20 stone, smokes but says he doesn't, no exercise. We haven't slept together for I bet nearly 2 years
I am feeling so sad and fed up. Ifeel like I'm always playing detective to see if he has been drinking. He will either say it's my problem as he doesn't drink much, and he squirrels things away so he might not be drinking much or I can't tell as stuff is hidden. We never speak as I feel so fucked off about things, I feel.like I'm.misding out on what a fun happy marriage should be, I'm.losing any spark in me, and coupled with fact covid means we hardly see friends work is my happy place at the moment .
Is this my problem? Do I need to chill out and just accept that what he drinks is normal? It's the talking bollocks if saying what I want to hear - yes he has an issue, he does want to stop, he us going to, and I know he has no intention so I think why talk total shit to me when we both know he doesn't mean it?
DC's would be absolutely gutted if we separated, they have been so.isolated I et luck down, home is their safe place and happy place so do I suck it up as their needs are always always going to be more important than mine