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Alcohol support

Supporting my friend

1 reply

Tempnamelady · 25/07/2020 22:55

Looking for advice. My friend of nearly 40 years is an alcoholic. She’s had a shit life, looks fabulous on the face of it, nice house good job , 4 lovely kids along the way, but I suspect emotional abuse in all of her marriages.

She’s so sick I’m worried she’s going to die, yet this morning when I was sent to babysit her so she couldn’t drink, I saw so much of the friend I’ve always known.i asked her this morning was her current DH controlling / abusive and she said as much which is what we have suspected for a long time. But no one will believe her in this fuddled state. Due to an incident at home last weekend she ended up in emergency accommodation this week, and what I can only describe as unspeakable things have happened to her there. I visited two of the three nights she was there, I’m not easily scared and I’ve been around the block but I was terrified myself.

I’ve told her when she can stop drinking I can help and I will do everything I can, But I’m at a loss how to help her. My own DM died of alcoholism so it’s not new to me, but I would be bereft if anything happened to my lovely sparky resilient friend.

I can only send bland texts as They go to her DH phone as well, I don’t know whether this is because she’s been so unpredictable and gone AWOL a few times but I can therefore only speak to her phone.

I know she has to want to give up but if there are any pearls of wisdom they would be gratefully received .

OP posts:
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Carriecotz · 26/07/2020 02:27

First of all, you sound like such a lovely friend!

My brother is an alcoholic but refuses to admit he has a problem and would rather die than stop drinking so I know how upsetting it can be to watch a loved one go through alcoholism and ruin their life.
With any addict, you can only help them if they want to be helped. If your friend wants to give up drinking; I would suggest you accompany her to an AA meeting nearby (

What unspeakable things have happened? Do you mean something criminal? If so, report it to the police.

Are the children with the abusive husband? If so, are they safe?
Are social services aware of the mum’s alcoholism and father’s abusive tendencies? The children must be made safe above all else.

If your friend refuses to go to AA, she does not want help and does not want to give up and at that point, there is absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do.
That’s the stage I’m at with my brother and I have had to walk away from him as I couldn’t watch him destroy his life. He got divorced as his wife couldn’t be with him any more. He’s also had problems with debts and ruined his house as he never cleans it and it’s full of bottles and cigarette butts and ash.
I have twins due in 2 months and although he’s been told, he’s not interested as he only loves alcohol not family. It’s very sad.

Good luck!

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