What do we do when we are not drinking

[Isawabluebird]

....My partner and I have been sober for 7 days today, and I've been quit smoking also..
We have been drinking heavily for the last two years, at the absolute height 3 - 4 times a week roughly, prehaps more.
We binge. We can get through two big bottles of whisky a night. Then prehaps other alcoholic drinks.
Ive been sick of it for such a long time but we have finally broke the cycle and most of the week have felt great.
Early hours of last Saturday morning, im ashamed to say, I had my head down the toilet bowl, bringing up the drink of the night, shaking, hot, unable to sleep - it was hellish (writing this down now, reminds me why I am doing this..)

Trouble is, its been such a huge part of our lives, this drinking - usually over music and chatting, prehaps "friends" (eg. People from the pub, who i expect if we stay sober won't be "friends" for much longer) I dont know what we are supposed to do when we are not drinking.

Its Friday night and its a real struggle to curb the cravings. We've spent the week reading, playing games on phones/consoles, having baths, early nights, eating... but its starting to feel......meh, and both of us have found our thoughts turn to "just one little drink......"

Which will never be "one little drink"

Please help us, what can we do with our evenings? To bring us together? Have fun? Interact? What on earth do "sober" people do?

If it helps I have 1 DC who spends one week with me, one with his father... he will be back with his dad tommorow for two weeks on holiday, so can do some things that we may not be able to do with DC around...

Please help us! I don't want to go backwards.

Watch a film. Work out a list of things that need doing on the house/buying ( you’ll save money not drinking). Drink mock tails, have fun making them. Bake. Make ice cream sundaes. Do some sort of quiz game against each other. Play the board game Monogamy. Have sex. Genuinely too many things to list... possibilities are endless.

Is there anything you really enjoy? Could you throw yourself into exercise, a project, reading, writing, a hobby you have? Baking, cooking?

We've been watching films most night, getting to a filmed out point!
I'm a terrible cook/Baker, and if i do cook or bake it means it needs to be eaten - and i need to loose serious weight... will I really loose weight by not drinking? Because instead of drinking im filling my face! (Weve had dinner and now just had a late night pizza)

How sad I cant think of any hobbies..

We will try the board game suggestion, prehaps tommorow, we have monopoly and game of life... only problem is it might trigger us.. as in the past we have done it with.... you've guessed it, alcohol present!

I'm/we are just really struggling with the gaping hole drinking has left - its so pathetic really!

Please tell me it gets easier!! I honestly can't remember the last time we were sober for this long...

The nights are light so there is no reason that you have to be stuck at home. Go out for a walk/ bike ride and take a picnic for tea.
Do you have a Wii or games console?
Play cards.

Well done. You have both done incredibly well. Don't give up now.

Find a hobby! Something you love and look forward to. Rattling round the house bored is a recipe for disaster

Thank you for the supportive words, to break the cycle of drinking was on thing, and im trying really hard to envisage a life without alcohol - but so many of my "good times" have been centered around drinking...

Until they weren't. Until I had to realise that I/we have a problem. I actaully come from a family with alcohol dependence problems, which makes it even more important i get out now (im early 30s, but i look late to early 30s/40s by the amount of abuse I've put my body through)

Breaking the cycle and getting to 7 days has been a real achievement, as sad as that sounds.

Im actually in bed right now and looking forward to day 8.

Please continue with any suggestions to fill our evenings. Its about to get harder without my DC around for two weeks too.

I honestly have no idea what sober people do with thier lives... surely evenings can't just be spent in front of the TV, every night?!

Thank you everyone for the replies. Just having people to talk to has helped, reminded me why I'm doing this, and that there are other people out there in the world....

Thank you x

Keep asking for suggestions any time you are wavering. Keep up the good fight!

@Isawabluebird conversely, when drinking, all me and my DH are good for is sitting in front of the TV, watching inane trash that we're barely taking in... Sober, we watch more interesting/involved films or series because we've got the concentration, or we play videogames, or I've started sketching and sewing (look up subversive cross stitch it sounds naff but I love it!)
Because we're both more alert and aware over time we've got more to talk about (he does still drink btw, but less).
For that buzz/relaxation it has to mean getting out the house and exercise for me. We've been planning long hikes and have been out cycling together too, next year we're hoping to do some longer trips with some wild camping.

It can feel a bit flat at times but the longer we've gone on the better it's got.

Trying things could be all part of the fun? Finding the perfect hobby to keep you occupied. I don't drink but I've got up to all sorts. Pole fitness, climbing, hiking, board games, Zumba, swimming, couch 25k, yoga, powerlifting, book clubs. Enjoyed some more than others.

I had a bbq at my friends last night, they were all drinking, I drove so couldnt drink anyway but enjoyed the night far more then when I do drink. I felt alert for conversation, and slept well, and had none of the post drink anxiety I used to get. I do all the same things as I went to when I drank, but just get alc free drinks. So the pub is a nice tonic water with lemon and ask them to put it in a ncie glass so you feel like you're drinking. Evenings are endless things to do- walk, exercise, yoga, bath, read, pamper, magazines, go to a friends for a non alc catch up... honestly I'm the same as a PP, when I drink alcohol that's when I spend my time on the sofa watching tv as that's all I have energy for as soon as the drink hits.

I know how you feel I used to think there was a void without alcohol. It's just not true but the mind is a creature of habit and will make you think there is nothing else but to drink and everything else is boring because it's what it's used to. I struggled to gove up smoking because I thought sitting in a field without a fag would be pointless now I think that's bizarre but goes to show how strong the minds cravings are. Be prepared to think like this for a couple of weeks and then it eases and once you are over it you will see it for what it is
I started knitting a jumper (didnt finish it yet) and jigsaws took up all of my time. I couldn't wait to finish whatever chores I was doing and to get on with it - something solitary to start with that absorbs time. The other thing I did was just lay in bed, not answer calls and do nothing. This was hard as lots of difficult feelings came to the surface and I had to stop myself distracting myself with my phone food etc. But i told myself it was my life and I needed to get better and concentrate on myself. Then after a few days I came up with a plan - wrote down things people with good self esteem do such as meal plan, grow veg, exercise once a day, learn to cook, read etc and made sure I did that once a day. Honestly my days and nights filled up.
Now I dont need to I only really exercise and cook and relax thr rest of the time and engage with my kids take them on long walks etc. Mostly though I spend time thinking how grateful I am that I'm not sick from drinking or trying to justify one bottle of wine a night isnt as much as two etc. After isolating myself to get reset I reached out to my friends and was surprised that they were so supportive. I have been out and not drunk and the first drinks my friends have there is a pang but une more I do it the easier it is. I would say after the first two times it wasnt such a big deal.
I have had a glass of wine or two but my mind now starts making mevisualiss my liver or calories etc and then I'm put off.
I hope this helps. You've done amazingly to go 7 days like that. I would congratulate yourself and see that as proof you can do it. Then be easy on yourself. Take it slow. If you have to lay in bed for a few days so what? Then add things in gradually you can do it but dont think you need to do it by a certain time or you're unable because it's hard. Just do what you need to

I could have written this. Me and my DH seem to get bored without it. It's ok for like 3 days doing other things we enjoy it but then the weekend comes around and we always turn to it. I'm a binger too. I hate it... hate this cycle or feeling great to feeling shit in the space of 12 hours.

Following, cus also need something other to do. I have started cycling which I love but I get back from a ride and fancy a wine 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm on day 12. I had too, DH doesn't but hasn't drunk either. I have the problem not him. We have kids so he goes for a hike every morning at 7.30. I get up at 7am and launch into yoga. I drop kids then walk for an hour. I do evening yoga at my drinking trigger time of 6pm and have started basic ballet again when I feel like reaching for the liquor. I totally changed my diet. Fajitas/lasagne = wine - fish/chicken, potatoes/veg = milk. I hate cooking but I used to do slimming world and some recipes are lovely, worth a look. I'm a big reader so have an enjoyable book and then a 'stay off alcohol book' (just finished the unexpected joy of being sober, Catherine Gray, well worth getting stuck into in case of slipping)

Change all.your timings, dinner earlier, aIf you can get out in the evenings, bike, hike, walk, just basically move for an hour after dinner. Or something on YouTube. DH and myself years ago did an hour of HITT in the evenings. I'd nearly pass out so didn't last long, I need gentler.

I now have a bedtime routine of lovely creams and moisturizers. Baths reading Kindle.

At the moment I need to write a schedule for myself and keep moving to stop the cravings.

Once I get to day 30 I'm buying myself a new handbag. Day 60 something else.

Very very early days for me but so far ok