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Alcohol support

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3 replies

jade92x · 27/06/2020 03:15

I don't really know how or what to write so I'm just going to write it how it is..

So since lock down, I've literally drank every night and I feel as though I'm getting to the point where I can't stop..

I have a good job and 2 beautiful boys and a great partner and a great life and I don't know how I've let myself get in this situation

Occasionally I have hid this from my partner and lied when he's asked if I've drank and I'm drinking gin and rose wine!

My mum was an alcoholic from an early age and died from this and my dad is also a functional alcoholic.. does this run in your genes?

I just really want to stop but I don't know how so any advice would be massively appreciate

OP posts:
AFitOfTheVapours · 27/06/2020 09:25

Hi OP
Hopefully others with similar problems will be along to offer advice. I’m coming at it as someone who lived with an alcoholic husband (I also have two boys), so might not be the best but...

Firstly, yes, it runs in the genes and if you have grown up witnessing one or both parents drinking it makes you more vulnerable. This is really relevant to you but also to your boys. Perhaps have a look at/call Nacoa. It is for children (inc grown up) of alcoholics and they have a helpline etc.

Second, you’ve made a great start by posting here. It can’t have been easy, but if you’re accepting that you’ve got into problem territory, that’s a massive step forward.

If you are worrying if your h will disapprove, be disappointed etc etc. Being secretive and lying will make things a million time’s worse. He will know you’re over doing it, he will know you are lying and he will know what’s gone on with your parents (presumably) and he will now be getting seriously worried because he knows it’s run away with you if you’re lying.

For me, I could have supported my h through the problem without judgement and with tremendous respect, if he had been brave enough to accept it and seek help. What I couldn’t live with we’re the lies and denial. They are what killed the marriage and made me lose all respect. Don’t let that happen to you.

So, please please get help. Call AA. They have meetings going on via zoom at the mo. Talk to your h really honestly. If it helps, maybe say you are particularly worried because of your parents and don’t want to go down the same route.

Your GP would be a good port of call but NHS help is limited. If you have funds, definitely find yourself a counsellor who specialises in addiction. They will be brilliant in helping you find a different path and also working through issues around your parents’ drinking. This can be done alongside AA.

Alcohol problems get worse with time. Don’t leave this until it breaks your family or leads your boys to drift into the same problem on later life.

I hope this doesn’t sound preachy coming from someone on the opposite side of the problem. I don’t usually comment on this side of the issue bIt didn’t want to leave your post hanging.

Really good luck to you.

mrsmidlife · 01/07/2020 03:23

Me too , my dad was an alcoholic and I have spent my life worried about becoming him. I was a smoker and a compulsive eater . Since lock down my wine habit has become concerning. I know my husband and DCs are worried but am too ashamed to HAVE the conversation . I cannot speak to my GP about this so feel so very alone ...... not any help for you but wanted to let you know you are not alone

OnceUponACat · 01/07/2020 03:33

A second what @AFitOfTheVapours said. You are extremely brave and strong to have identified and vocalised the issue. Please please for your sake and that of the family you love stay open and act upon it. Talk about and seek help. Everyone will be on your side supporting you.
Denial will make you sink lower and you’ll
Have no allies. I too talk from experience of having lived with an H who still does not want to see it.
You can do it. It may be genetics but it could also be learnt behaviour which you can unlearn and do not have to follow.
You are not your parents. Their path can teach you not to take it.
You have all my support.

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