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Apparently I'm making it up

2 replies

WonderfullyaMummy · 12/05/2020 14:46

My DP is a functioning alcoholic imo, in his he just likes a drink and can stop at any time, though won't as it's the only thing to live for. We have a two month old daughter but she seemingly doesn't count.

As time had gone on his tolerance to alcohol had dropped. He's fine on wine and beer, but can no longer handle whisky, his drink of choice. I know when he's been drinking it - he becomes belligerent, forgetful (and thus tells me the same thing time and again) and can get downright nasty in deeds and words. I had a few really nice evenings with him last week where he had no whisky but have gone to bed close to tears the last three nights. I dread the evenings when he's been drinking whisky as I don't know what mid he'll be in.

I asked a little while ago whether he had whisky for tonight and he said no, but wanted to know why I was asking, so I told him. His reply was that this doesn't happen as he doesn't talk to me when drinking, and that I'm making it up. He probably believes it, too, for, as I said, he becomes forgetful.

Just wanted to get that out. There's not advice to be given, really, other than to LTB and I'm not there yet.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 12/05/2020 14:49

There are some drinks that set folk off I read once.

How old is he?

How much does he drink?

What time of day does he drink?

AFitOfTheVapours · 13/05/2020 09:13

Hi OP
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. If you suspect your DP is an alcoholic, trust your instincts! He will wrap you up in knots with his denial but if you ha e got to the point of admitting your suspicions on here, you are more than likely right.
You mention that his tolerance has gone down but this makes no sense. This would only happen if he was drinking less. It is more likely to be the reverse and it has gone up. I read somewhere that high functioning alcoholism should be re-termed “low visibility alcoholism“ and I think that’s much more appropriate. It is more likely that your DP has increased his drinking secretively and that what you are seeing isn’t a drop in tolerance but an increase in secret drinking as a response to your confronting him (that is his choice and confronting the issue is the right thing to do).
You say you are not ready to leave and I totally get that. It took me years to leave my functioning alcoholic husband but I did it to protect my children from growing up thinking it was ok and also because we all deserve better than to live like that. The same goes for you. You deserve better and so does your DD.
I thoroughly recommend getting some help for yourself. Alanon would be a great start, if you haven’t already found them.
Good luck!

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