Sobriety success stories - please share here as a resource for those starting out.

[Drybird2020]

I'm a regular poster on the sobriety thread, where most of us are early in the journey.

Sometimes, long term sober people drop in and share their stories; they always get a great reception and provide inspiration and comfort, but tend to get lost as the thread moves on.

Occasionally, a poster has a question that nobody has the answer to, for example someone got engaged this week and is looking for advice on how to approach her wedding, alcohol free.

So I hope that this might provide a place for success stories, tips and advice. If you are happy to contribute, it would be greatly appreciated.

😊

Waiting for inspiration from long term sober people. Day 79 (I think) for me so not long term sober yet. Hopefully getting married in the summer and would love to hear any sober experience of this.

I'll share mine.

I started to drink abusively in my 20's and by my early 30's was fully addicted to alcohol. If I went without if for more than a day or so the cravings and withdrawal symptoms were horrible. I had a seizure at one point that was likely alcohol related.

I had lost all hope and felt like I had fallen into a pit that I would never be able to climb out of. I wound up detoxing in hospital under medication, then received outpatient care and joined AA. I felt like shit for weeks. The nurses in hospital were lovely. My outpatient support group and AA lowered a ladder into the pit and gave me the courage to climb out.

At the end of March I'll celebrate 26 years sober. After quitting I met my lovely DH who was totally supportive about it. We're happily married for 23 years and I have two great kids, one in uni and the other headed there this fall.

One of the hardest changes was learning that not only is it possible to have a full and happy life without alcohol, for people like me, it's impossible with alcohol. The physical cravings were over in about a month. After a year, I was really comfortable as a non-drinker. There were some stressful moments to be sure, but I kept reminding myself that I quit because of the absolute certainty that drink would kill me if I didn't, and I wanted to live.

Alcohol abuse and addiction are a disease, not a moral failing or weakness. The addiction is now understood on a molecular level:

Molecular Basis of Alcoholism

It's a toxin, and excessive exposure alters your brain chemistry. That's why you get cravings when you stop.

The most valuable piece of advice I got in AA was "You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone." Let others help. Go to your GP if you are uncomfortable with peer support or if the cravings are too much to manage. There are medications that will help. Medical people will not judge you. Quite the opposite, they will respect you for coming forward and asking for help. Let others drop you a rope or lower you a ladder. There is no shame in getting help.

I'm happy to answer questions if anyone has any.

For me this book was a fantastic resource. Very practical, non-judgemental.

In terms of behaviour, the key thing for me was to tell everyone. That way I had no 'drinking buddies' and I had accountability. But I also laid down plans; I told my closest friends that if I had a really bad day and announced 'that's it, I'm going to the pub', they should not tell me not to do it, as that would only make it more likely that I would. They should encourage me to wait for 20 minutes and see how I felt then. I've never had to use my emergency plan, but many years later I was in a work situation that was so stressful I had to brief a relative stranger on it, just in case. I got out of that organisation as soon as I could - I simply will not be in situations where my sobriety is at risk.

Watch for your triggers - they may be strange things. I had one getting off a bus one day, because I would get off the bus after work and that was when my brain would tell me it was wine o'clock. Be alert for your triggers always, and plan for how to deal with them.

For a wedding, I would simply do it alcohol free. If people don't like it they surely aren't that bothered about celebrating the marriage of the couple. If they give in to peer pressure and have booze there, the bride will have to spend the entire day stressed as hell about whether or not she might drink. Imagine if she does - talk about a shadow over the day.

And keep your hands busy - I took up knitting again after many years, and it really helped.

i’ll be 6 years sober next month, weather permitting.

i was born to, and raised by alcoholics. i first got pass-out drunk aged 8, was a regular drinker by 10, blacking out at 13. i believe i was born alcoholic.

my child went to live with her father at 12. i was and always have been resolutely middle-class. i had a good job, lots of international travel, nice house, all the trappings of a good life.

but, i was drowning. in the end, i lost everything. my child, my job, my marriage (the 2nd one), my house. i was a rock-bottom, mouthwash-drinking walking death wish. aged 41, now living alone in a tiny rented flat, i collapsed on day 2 of a horrendous withdrawal. i had been having hallucinations, i vomited until my eyeballs bled. i lay in the freezing darkness of that hallway, not knowing if it was night or day, and i thought i was going to die.

i’d been in AA for about 6 months at this point. i had a few weeks of sobriety here and there, but i couldn’t get it to stick.

the day after my collapse, someone in the fellowship got me to a lunchtime meeting. i haven’t had a drink since, one day at a time.

AA saved my life. there is of course the caveat that it doesn’t work for everyone. i’d done hospital detoxes, outpatient rehab, local alcohol services. nothing worked. until AA finally did.

it’s not about god. it’s about accepting that once you take that first drink, all bets are off. i did some ridiculously dangerous things in drink, and behaved terribly. i don’t have an off switch. i have a Fuck It button.

the people i met in AA helped me through the first weeks of shaky but determined sobriety. and then i got a sponsor, i worked the steps and here i am nearly 6 years later, sober and grateful.

you don’t need to believe in god for AA to help you. strip away all the flowery language and it’s free therapy. and the steps are proper, actual therapy. it’s about letting go of who you were, and finding out who you really are.

however you get there, i will say this. it gets easier. you need to dig deep, and remember that you’re fighting for your life. i look at my life now compared with the riches i thought i had and it is smaller, but infinitely sweeter.

i was the person least likely to quit. i and everyone around me thought it would kill me. for a little while somewhere towards the middle of the end, i didn’t much care if it did.

getting sober is both the hardest and most rewarding thing i have ever done. there are still bridges to rebuild, even after all this time. but i can face it, because i have been given the gift of a new life. how many people get to say that?

i will never regret getting sober, nor resent the work it took to get me here. neither will you.

first though, you need to believe that you are worth saving. you are worth more than the endless battle with drink. you are priceless, and you will see that as you grow into sobriety.

i did this. you can do this too, i promise. however you get there, just get there. it will be the greatest achievement of your life.

12.5 years sober.
Tried for years to do it by myself. Finally went to AA, and MOST IMPORTANTLY I CONTINUE TO GO.
I thought there would be no fun in life without drinking. Life for me is far better sober. More fun. Healthier. Richer. Happier. More useful.
I don't know about other methods because AA continues to work for me, so I don't look for anything else..

Just coming up 17 years sober.

Tried many many times to stop drinking,went 3 years once.

In May 2003 in desperation I called the AA helpline,I have not had Alcohol since my first meeting.

I still attend meetings,at least twice a week,take my turn on the helpline.

There are meetings via Zoom or Paltalk in these troubled times,also a U.K. Facebook page,almost 2,000 people on it.

Anybody who needs help or a chat feel free to PM me.

Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice.

@480Widdio can I ask what happened after the first three successful year period? Relapsing is something that concerns me and I want to avoid. Congratulations on your long term sobriety.