DJ - I expected to feel fabulous, I actually feel fairly miserable

[Mammyofonlyone]

I'm doing DJ for the first time after being a daily drinker for some years and am finding it much easier than I thought, albeit it but boring if I'm honest.
All of the apps/support groups are full of messages about how fantastic people feel, both mentally and physically. I probably do feel a bit better physically due to sleeping better and not dealing with mild hangovers when I first wake.
However, mentally, I feel really unhappy and low. I take antidepressants (and have done for about 20 years or so) daily, so I don't feel like I should need medical help in that respect? I'd thought, if anything, I might feel like I needed them less but I actually feel like I need to up my dosage. The best way I can describe my feelings is that I feel now how I feel if my medication has run out. I'm unhappy, listless and irritable.
In particular, I am irritable with my husband and some of the time I feel like I don't particularly like him very much. It's as though before DJ I could let all the things that irritate me just wash over me but, a bit like when my medication has run out, I now just think 'why should I?' And then start to argue back. He is a good man and works hard to give us a great life but it feels like WHATEVER I say, he has to disagree with and it grinds me down. For example, I now often roll my eyes behind his back or think something derogatory after he has spoken and I hate being like this. Like I say, when I could look forward to unwinding with a glass of wine in the evenings, it was like a release but now I feel like there is no down time from his picking and being argumentative and I just feel so fed up. In part I wonder if it's because I initially 'blamed' him for making me do DJ as clearly drinking every day is bad (obv I recognise that this means he was concerned and that I needed to do something about it).
Has anyone else felt like this? And does anyone have any advice? I really feel like I need some help.

@Mammyofonlyone - hi OP. I've only just seen your thread. Sorry nobody has responded.
You might want to join the thread 'Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?'. (Sorry, I don't know how to link). It's got lots of advice, encouragement and support.
Everyone is different how they respond and I know what you mean about the app full of stories about how great people feel. Are you on day 20? If so, that's a fantastic achievement and you should be very proud. Maybe drinking has masked some of your problems and facing them head on and completely sober is difficult.
I hope you continue to do DJ and you start to feel better soon. If you don't maybe a trip to the Doctors to review your medication.

Thank you Livebythecoast.

Good idea re: the other thread - I didn't want to be a negative voice in an other largely v positive forum

@Mammyofonlyone - don't worry about that. I've read a few posts of people struggling on there and everyone is very encouraging.
It doesn't sound like your DH is being particularly supportive and that will make a big difference to how you feel. I'm day 20 too and my DP is supportive. He doesn't drink at all so I thought he wouldn't understand how hard it was for me. I miss my few glasses of wine in the evening but I knew I had to break the habit. I'm determined to do DJ and see how I go. I don't want to say I'm never going to drink again as I think that puts a lot of pressure on but I hope I can moderate it and enjoy the occasional glass without thinking I've got to finish the bottle!. Having said that my anxiety has improved these past 3 weeks and I'm feeling better. Haven't lost any weight yet (need to lose a stone ideally) but that's not surprising seeing as I'm eating my own body weight in chocolate instead!
Anyway, good luck and wishing you well.

Thank you again livebythecoast. I appreciate your response (again!). You are quite right about anxiety about when having being drinking but I'm now anxious about other things, like back to the playground things. Anywho I appreciate your reply but pls don't feel you have to maintain this dialogue, you have been kind enough already

I think its really hard when for whatever reason (psychologically as much as anything) alcohol has sort of become the relaxing point of your day. And you looked forward to it. So it makes sense you miss it. I would perhaps make a doctor's appt for a medication review anyway as it certainly cant harm. But in the meantime is there anything else that you would like as a treat/break (I'm sorry if this sounds dead patronising) like a walk outside, or a magazine, or a bath or a kitchen disco. Just something that means the time is filled in a different way maybe?
You've done really well to get to 20 days so keep going

Thank you pushpull I appreciate your advice too. I've taken to takeaway ice creams!x

Hi Mammyofonlyone. I totally get you. I’m on AF day 15 and have been low in patience with my DH several times and told him to stop moaning and picking fault in everything several times. I think going AF is just really difficult. All that clarity of thought isn’t always a good thing! I felt miserable on Saturday night because I really wanted wine. Sure it felt great getting up on Sunday with a clear head, but I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I was also really cross with myself, thinking if I hadn’t been drinking far too often in the past few years I wouldn’t be having to come off it! We are adjusting to something new, in the middle of winter, and a long way away from the next holidays etc. I think we just need to try and get through January and take it from there. I hope you are feeling better soon. Do you think you would be getting more out of it had it been completely your idea to do it? I ask as my DH is doing DJ too (I asked him to do it with me) and says he isn’t feeling any better and some of his ailments are worse!

Iamyourequal thank you for reply. That kind of sums up how I am too. I'm pleased to know I'm not the only one, and also glad that people have advised to LTB which was my worry

And I too find Saturdays a bit empty! It just shows how much we have depended on alcohol really doesn't it ?

It does indeed! I am going to keep going AF though as long as I can, as I do feel pleased I’ve managed so far (even grumpy..lol) and I definitely feel brighter in the morning, although I’m not exactly skipping out of bed in the morning full of beans!

hello. i don’t know how much you were drinking of course, so can’t say anything about that, but drinking changes your brain - your dopamine and seratonin receptors in particular. all the bits that register pleasure. so that could explain the grumpiness.

also i think you hit the nail on the head by saying wine normally takes the edge of the irritations... that’s why we used to drink it so much, huh? life is sharper without it - both for good and ill.

you’re doing brilliantly. well done 👍

Thanks Spl0ink