Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice.
Alcohol support
Alcoholic mum
Lolacat1234 · 12/12/2019 21:27
Hi all, not really sure what I am looking for by posting. Perhaps some words of support or advice?
I'm 32 years old with two children (DS8 and DD8months) a partner, mortgage and full time job to go back to in February. My mum is now 70. She's on her own as my dad passed away when I was 16 so she's been on her own 16 years. She has always had a drink problem, it's not something that started after my dad died. My dad liked a drink but he wasn't an alcoholic. My mums health has never been great, she's suffered with Crohn's/colitis over the years and weighs between 7-8 stone. I am sure her disease has been exacerbated by the drinking and smoking because most of the time she will drink a bottle of wine rather than eat dinner, she has the appetite of a bird. She also now suffers with osteoporosis because of a lack of nutrition. The past two years it has got so bad, she falls over and breaks a bone on regular occasions. So far this year it has been tibia (needed a plate and screw in her hip for that one), collar bone, multiple bruises to face and body and now the latest hospital admission is her coccyx. I have tried to help. I fought to get her referred to our local alcohol and drug rehab organisation and I thought she was having counselling, but she has since stopped talking about it and all seems to have gone quiet there so I think she's fallen off the radar or voluntarily quit.
I'm finding it very hard to cope - I have a young baby and I am honestly lost with it all. The despair is weighing so heavy on my shoulders, I feel like I've lost her to drink even though she's still here. At the same time she just frustrates me so much, every time it's "I'll stop now I'm determined to do it this time" etc etc. Yet when I asked how she was today she tells me she's pissed off being in hospital and in pain 2 weeks before Xmas, no remorse, no "it's my fault I'm here" and most disappointingly no "I'm ready to change" just pissed off being in hospital. She didn't tell the doctors she has a problem, I had to tell the nurse and ask about the possibility of rehab, she says there's not really much point unless your mum wants to engage and do it. She says she does but her actions don't back it up. If she really wanted help she would have asked the doctors for help surely?
I'm also really struggling with a feeling of resentment or detachment almost. I love my mum very much and I know it's a disease but I'm struggling with the selfishness of it. People have told me it's the nature of the disease, i do understand that, but I know people who have made the choice to become sober, and it's the fact that she just won't make that choice that is so upsetting. Does she not love me or her grandchildren enough to even try? She could fall off the wagon a thousand times and always have my full support as long as she genuinely wanted to get sober, but as I don't really feel she wants it, I am at the point now where I just feel myself pulling away and saying i cant invest any more into trying to help her, I have my own family to look after now.
On the practical side of things I would like to ask some advice, I'm at the point now where I just don't think she is safe in her own home and I'm not sure what to do, where to get support for her. The nurse made me laugh on the phone tonight when she said they will aim to discharge in a couple of days because coccyx injuries need no surgical intervention just pain management and people usually recover best in their home environment! I just laughed and said it's because of her home environment that she keeps ending up in hospital! But yeah I'm not sure what to do, is it at this point we need to consider assisted living?
It's just such a mess. Every time she says I'm determined this time I'm going to do it I just want to punch a wall.
Lolacat1234 · 28/12/2019 07:35
Well she's out of hospital now and back at home, she's able to get around with a zimmer. I told the hospital of all her problems with drink and was told that they would not discharge her without some support in place for her, but it appears none is available. Nothing effective anyway. She's been told the local alcohol and drug support service will be in contact with her in the new year, probably for more weekly counselling sessions that she just won't attend 
I was concerned to see that they've discharged her with a prescription for morphine tablets as well, seeing as they say don't mix with alcohol and they've been told multiple times that she has a problem with drink. The occupational health person I spoke to about her discharge said she would contact the social services and see what more support could be given but I was basically told unless the situation is completely dire there is none. It's all still very bleak, just waiting for a phone call to say she's been readmitted, it won't come for a few weeks but we will surely be back here again as nothing's changed.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.