My Mum drank too much all through my childhood resulting in her finally being admitted into a clinic twice in my twenties due to alcoholism. She then managed to stay sober for almost twenty years. After I had my child (coupled with a lack of sleep, work stress etc), our relationship got quite fraught I think it brought lots of feelings to the surface about my childhood and how as a mother she could do all the things she did. I have suffered from very low self esteem and mood for many years and am very afraid of taking risks or making big changes in my life even when I want to. I guess I blame her for it all? Then when my child was one it became clear that my Mum had been drinking while caring for her and we agreed that she would stop childcare and only see her if sober. Things calmed down and I started trusting her again, but she has started drinking again. She seems full of remorse and begging me not to cut off contact. I told her I won't but there are boundaries. I just don't know how to deal with it and get over this resentment and live with the constant anxiety. I'm very socially awkward and not sure Al Anon is for me. My parents can both be quite caught up in what's going on for them and I feel look to me to solve it all like I used to but I can't do it anymore. All they seem bothered about is whether they will still get to see my child never asking how I am feeling. I worry so much about the future and don't know how to get past this resentment and believe that alcoholism is an illness I should have sympathy for. If anyone has any advice I would be really grateful xx