I don't know where to start... I don't generally drink often, but when I do I go way overboard to the point I blackout and don't remember what happened. It ruins every night out I have and get severe anxiety afterwards.
Last week I went out with a couple of girls from work. We drank way too many cocktails (which I never usually touch) and then moved on to shots and vodka. I remember various parts of the night and remember getting home. But I can't help but feel I have done something really stupid.. like cheat. When I woke up the next day I just felt my usual shame but was sure i hadn't done anything wrong. But then the next day I thought "but what if". What if I did something when I was completely out of it? In the past I have done silly things or said things which I forget about instantly even though I just said it. Which is making me worry so much.
It doesn't help that I was so hungover that I couldn't drink or eat, and ended up getting a UTI. I got antibiotics for it but ended up with thrush. Now I'm paranoid that maybe it's not thrush, maybe it's an STI. ??
I'm absolutely terrified. I've barely eaten in a week because of this fear and have lost 7lbs rapidly. My DH is wondering what is wrong with me and I have sought constant reassurance from my friend who I was out with to the point I have pissed her off. She has tried to reassure me but she was just as drunk as I was.
I don't know what I'm asking here... I just need to feel like I'm not alone.
I have sworn off drink now. That's it. I'm done with it!