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Alcohol support

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Original poster

BIL is an alcoholic, but would never admit it..

23 replies

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 21:20

He had a binge for the last 3 days had 2 seizures, and broke his shoulder when he fell. He was in hospital and had tests done and discharged this morning....by lunchtime had a beer in his hand.
He had a scare in december 2018 and gave up the booze until february, his bloods went back to nornal but he was advised to stay off the alcohol if he could (he had a blood clot in his liver and ascites).
He gave up and honestly looked so well when the family last saw him!

But since feb he's been drinking again and the family don't know how to help?

Is there anything we can do?
We are so worried he will drink himself into an early grave :(

There are more details but basically i just wanna know if we can help someone who doesn't want to help themselves?

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 26/03/2019 21:23

Nope. There's nothing you can do.

MayFayner · 26/03/2019 21:23

Unfortunately you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, no.

Is he your sister’s husband or your DH’s brother?

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 21:30

@MayFayner he is my DH's brother. I just wish we could do something:(
It doesn't help that his partner drinks everyday aswell (but they don't live together) but whilst BIL was trying to quit, his OH would still be drinking too.
I try not to get too involved, but my DH is so saddened by it so i thought I'd ask here to see if there is anything we can do :( x

OP posts:

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 21:31

@Justmuddlingalong so depressing :(

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 26/03/2019 21:38

Those close to an alcoholic worry, stress and wrack their brain thinking of how to help, encourage sobriety and make the drinker better. This allows the alcoholic to concentrate on the only thing important to them. Alcohol.

Supersimpkin · 26/03/2019 21:44

Do nothing. You can't help. There is loads of help for him, but it can't come from you, it has to be from him.

The only positive thing you can do is to try not to think about it.

I know that's impossible. Alcoholics are awful burdens to their families. Look after yourselves.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 21:57

@Justmuddlingalong Yes :( i agree with that. Its just the desperation to 'help'. He spends a lot of time alone, does not work, he feels lonely. He lives far from us but we try to talk regularly and see him when we can.

So if we don't do any of those things you mentioned, your advice is still that we do nothing?

OP posts:

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 21:59

@Supersimpkin i hate to think of him as a burden. We all love him and just wish there was something we could do. It may come from him one day, but it will be too late:(

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 26/03/2019 22:03

Yes, unfortunately. To use a Scottish phrase, "save your breath for cooling your soup."
Keep in contact with him, but don't discuss his drinking. Ignore it. He can get professional help if he chooses. Until he chooses that help, you are wasting time and headspace.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 22:23

@Justmuddlingalong thank you for your advice and taking the time to reply to me. It is appreciated!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2019 22:25

You can’t help. It’s awful but you can’t.
Al Anon can offer support.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:12

Hi @Wolfiefan what's Al Anon?

OP posts:

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:12

Ah, alcoholics anonoymous?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2019 23:14

No. Al Anon is for people affected by the alcoholism of others.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:15

@Wolfiefan I'll check it out, thank you

OP posts:

TapasForTwo · 26/03/2019 23:18

You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Cure it

Basically nothing you say or do will make any difference. Sorry.

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2019 23:19

You’re more than welcome. It’s awful but it’s important to get support for people other than the alcoholic. You can’t change their behaviour but you can change how you think and act.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:22

It's so shit. I will pass info about Al Anon onto family, hopefully it can help them too x

Thanks again

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2019 23:23

It is shit. It really is. And it’s awful not to be able to stop someone drinking and buggering up their life in multiple ways.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:28

It's really sad to feel so helpless, like watching him heading for his grave and not being able to stop it.
Of course, we are all heading to our graves at some point. But when it's self inflicted it's harder to witness.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/03/2019 23:33

And the effect on the whole family too.

Original poster

Elmo311 · 26/03/2019 23:39

Yes. That too

OP posts:

Edinburghmum86 · 16/04/2019 16:53

My father is a high functioning alcoholic. He drinks and drives. My biggest problem is he takes my son out (2 years old) in the car. He says he has not drank but Im sure I can smell it. I manage to avoid my parents picking him up the majority of the time, but i am having to go back to work and I will have no control over them taking him out in the car whilst they are looking after him. I have told my mother that he is dribk driving but she doesn't believe me, or chooses to pretend she doesnt know. I can put him in nursery some of the time but some of the time he is goimg to be in their care. Only today,i had a phone interview and i asked them to come over to watch my son whilst i was upstairs on the phone and tjey said we are taking him out in the car, they saod we are taking him and slammed the door in my face.

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