AlAnon does it really help?

[Mammiemaw]

Just this really. DH drinking low levels everyday but to extremes at weekend. Last night he came home, soiled himself again several times , and being to drunk/ angry to clean up I had to clean it (twice last night and once this morning before dcs woke up). I know he isn't ready to change, but I need some help to cope with his drinking and the effects on our relationship so I might bite the bullet and try AlAnon. The only thing is we live in a very tight- knit town and I am very private person so I am not sure I can make the first step of going in the door.

Yes. It does. Sounds like you really need this. Focus on you and getting (even) stronger.

Agree it does. And you may be surprised who you meet there and it won't matter. Remember if your dh drinks that much it won't be a surprise to anyone but they won't care as they will have battled with the same thing when they decided to go.
If you find local very difficult you could go to another, further away meeting.
But do go.

Thank you for the replies. The most local meeting is also the only one I would manage time wise due to work/childcare etc. It is a good point that his behaviour when out is very visible locally. I just feel so ashamed , but don't know why.

That is a pretty normal response but getting the support of Alanon members means you meet others in the same boat and learn to take care of yourself.

Please try it, this type of drinking is so harmful. He should clear up after himself when he sobers up.
You and your kids don't have to live like this, you can leave.
Alanon will have seen it all before, they won't judge, you deserve help and support. Alateen if kids are old enough is also good.

Thanks again for everyone's responses. Kids are still young and I try to shield them from/minimise his behaviour, though I know this is less than ideal.

Good luck OP. I wish my mum had done what you’re doing when I was tiny. You can’t shield them. Stay safe.

My DM went. It changed everything.
It made my DF really stop and think. He did rehab. That didn't work. So he looked for one that would suit him.
That worked and he never drank again.

Al-Anon or similar support for you absolutely does work. It helps you set boundaries - what you will and will not accept from your DH - and helps you overcome the feelings of shame. You will learn that you are not responsible for his choices and you will learn the difference between supporting and enabling.

Going didn't stop my late H from drinking, but it did help me and my DDs recover from his alcohol issues. It gave me the strength to make him leave and it gave me the strength to not take him back. If your DH doesn't find sobriety, going to Al-Anon will help you build a future for yourself and your DCs without him.

Yes it does. Go. You won't look back.