Why are my beautiful children not enough

[lostandnotsurewhy]

I've got a young and wonderful family but I can't stop thinking about alcohol.
I've always had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol but I promised myself that having children would solve this. It hasn't.
I drink at the weekend with my husband - the heavy side of normal drinking but by no means out of it. However, I would happily carry on.
Before xmas I used to hide what I was drinking. I can drink a half bottle of vodka without it being noticeable and I would do this regularly before 6pm.
I genuinely don't know how to stop.
I'm wondering if I go back to work if it would help but I always vowed I wanted to bring my own children up. One of our children is still a baby.
My husband is aware but not to the extent.
I feel disgusted by myself.
Has anyone else been through this? Im 31 and I went to AA at 25.

I think everyone has reasons why they drink even if they have yet to discover what the reasons are.
Just my opinion, but I think it's more complicated than stopping drinking, it's about identifying the underlying reasons and addressing them, and I think professional support is usually necessary to do this.
You already have your motivation to address the problem, now you need the help and support to move forward.

@Snog I really don't know why.
There is nothing in my past that I can put my finger on. I do have a family history of alcoholism.
I want something to shake me and make me stop but nothing does.
Occasionally I get a small wake up call but then within weeks I'm back to the same habits and cravings!
It's not even affecting me or destroying my life but it will. My health if nothing else.

Have you been to your GP - they can offer you medication to control the cravings. If AA did not work for you - you are not alone it is not for everyone, there are other options and you don't have to do this alone.

Are you still in AA? How many meetings did you go to?

So sorry you are in this situation, OP. I know that craving although, in my case, it only really became a problem after menopause. I stopped drinking over a year ago and it gets easier and easier.

First of all, I think alcohol is a depressant that works like an anti-depressant. So it is the only thing that lifts you up while at the same time fuelling your depression. I took lots of vitamin B when I decided to stop drinking.

Then you probably have a genetic pre-disposition to alcoholism. You should try AA. Each group has a different feel to it, so look around and see if you can find one that suits you.

Good luck!

Did your parents struggle with alcohol?

@Snog it seems to have skipped a generation. My grandparents were T-total before they died... Although I have an alcoholic auntie and I have lost a great uncle to alcoholism.
My parents drink heavily on occasion but I wouldn't say they were alcoholics... but they might say the same about me.

@Coyoacan I went to a few but it wasn't for me. I was young and alcohol was very much part of a normal 20- somethings life anyway. I just didn't know when to draw the line. It helped for a short period though.

If you don't know why you drink counselling will probs give you the answers

but it wasn't for me

Go back. You owe it to yourself.

Go somewhere else - AA is not the only solution - but it's the programme most people know about - often the only thing recommended by doctors and therapists but this is not from a position of knowledge this is from a position of ignorance. Google issues people have with AA - and it's not just the God stuff. Do not be put off finding another solution because AA didn't work for you, it fails to work for many.
Loads of secular groups, that do not tell you you have no control, they empower you to take control of your problem - here's an example, but there are loads online who will give you support
womenforsobriety.org/

Club Soda on Facebook,
Try doing the alcohol experiment by Annie Grace - www.alcoholexperiment.com/users/member_loginIt's free and supportive.
Try Harm Reduction (Hams on facebook) - this focuses on your goals for quitting or reducing...they encourage reducing harm first and foremost.
Moderation Management.

Read Alan Carr x

Hi - I was in a similar boat to you, I new I had to stop drinking. I began hiding what I was doing - or trying to hide it as much as I could. I went to AA a good few times but carried on how I was, I stopped going and then started again after a particular bad hangover. I felt it just didn't work for me at that point. It took a few more really embarrising drunk episodes for me to have to call it a day. That was 5 years ago this summer. I never thought I could do it. And now I have I really am happier than I have ever been and I do not miss it at all. It's just not part of my life now. And I never want to go back. Maybe go to counselling? Could you go for a few weeks stint into rehab? Understanding and learning about myself was the key to stopping it. Once you have kicked it you will never look back. I wish you all the luck in the world x

Hi lostandnotsurewhy I hope you're still reading. I'm 36 and have a drink problem, I always used it as a crutch. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, I know many will think I'm in denial but imo I'm not physically dependent on alcohol.
Anyway after drinking every night for the last four years, I've stopped! I can't tell you what exactly triggered it but mainly I was so fed up of hating myself after a night of drinking and trying to function the next day while taking care of two young dc. I have had a drink when my children are with their Dad but I'm hoping I will eventually stop this too and be alcohol free. one step at a time though

@LucyBabs thankyou for your message. I've changed my name but I have been looking at this post.
What made you stop? I have recently been drinking a 1/2 bottle of vodka plus wine every evening. The vodka is in secret.
I am disgusted by myself and vow not to do it again everyday. I wake in the night panicking incase DH randomly had a reason to go through the bin and discovered the bottles. It was windy the other night and it was bin day- I didn't sleep a wink, paranoid the bin would blow over and my secret would be exposed to the street and him. I have awful anxiety dreams every night.
By the time midday comes I think that it wasn't/isn't that bad.
I wonder if I'm suffering from some kind of depression and I'm using it as a self medication. Or am I just justifying a shit situation?!
On the outside my life is perfect. I don't work. I have two children. A lovely husband and a close family... But I get bored. Trouble is I've always been like this. I have no off switch- even at 16 I could drink until the cows came home.