My names imabloodymess and I'm and alcoholic

[imabloodymess]

The last few weeks my drinking has ramped up and now my children have been sent to stay with their dad while I recover from a breakdown/bipolar episode which has included drinking bottles of vodka, 2 bottles of wine, or loads of cans of pre mixed drinks. I have hidden bottles around the house, Stolen money, slapped my mum, been restrained by my dad, had the police and ambulance out. A lot of Thai is die to a ch age in medication but I fear I am also an alcoholic. I don't drink every day or in the morning or need to drink to function but any time something upsets me/stresses me out I drink until I black out, fall over and make a complete twat of myself. This morning I have called impact for help as I've tried AA and I didn't like it. I am so depressed and am on Lithium so drinking really is a big no no yet I can't stop. I'm lonely, I miss my kids, I feel I have no purpose in my life and to be honest keep feeling like ending it all because all I am doing is causing everyone around me pain and distress. I'm making my parents ill my kids have had to go away because I can't care for them and everything is just a bloody mess. Why can't things get better for me, it's just one thing after another and I'm so fed up 😢

Anyone?

I've been where you are, my love. Almost to the letter. I'm here if you need a handhold

I didn't want your thread to go unanswered.

It sounds like you have taken those first crucial steps to make changes. Someone who is much more knowledgeable than me will be along soon to offer advice I'm sure. I can only offer my very best wishes and a dose of admiration that you have got to the point of confronting what has been happening and taking action to make a change. That takes guys. And your life does have purpose - you need to get better to have your kids back in your life on a daily basis. I can't think of a more motivating goal.

Remember even the longest journey begins with a single step. You've taken it, you're on your way.

Not 'that takes guys' - that takes GUTS.

Bloody men not getting the credit for that 😁

Can you try NA if you didn't like AA? A mate of mine prefers NA .... other than keep taking your meds and attend all your appointments all I can say is good luck and I really hope things take a turn for the better for you this year xx

Thank you. It's been a long time coming and I've tried to fix it myself so many times but it's time to get some professional help. There aren't any NA in my area. With turning point I think you get a leer mentor so like a sponsor and go to groups etc. It doesn't help that I've been ill with an awful virus/laryngitis for over 3 weeks and I can't run which is how i de stress and deal with my illness. Just wish I didn't feel so shamed. I am allowed to see my kids for a bit weds if I stay sober so that is my first mini goal 😊

Don't be hard on yourself staying sober isn't going to be easy if you don't have support x not sure which area your in? Any MH groups you can link with x

@imabloodymess just wondering how things are? X

Not great, just come out of s hypomanic state involving drink drugs and sex with men I've met online. I know slot of this isn't my fault but I feel incredibly guilty, want my children home and have now sunk deeper into my depression. I also have been played by a guy I really liked and who said all the right things, had a date, texted, called then got all weird and said I'd cheat as I have bipolar (his ex had an affair), he did this twice, both times promising to give us a chance then dropping me. I've got turning point tomorrow, hoping they'll help but I feel very helpless and hopeless and like giving up 😢

Oh no men get no better as they get older!! Like kids in larger bodies x
Please don't give up all the good things are worth the fight ...... keep opening up and hopefully you will get the right support x x

Try Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. it worked for me when nothing else would. if you Google it there is a website and guide, there is also the book on Amazon.

Please talk to me