I Really Need Help - Advice Please

[Annonymousasaurus]

Hi,

I have been drinking so heavily recently (averaging roughly 2.5 bottles per night 4-5 nights per week...) I know. 😭 This has gone on for about a year.

I have been put on medication from my doctor for anxiety but I've been self treating through wine (which I know is likely to make the medication not work as well anyway)

I wait until the kids are asleep and then drink, and my partner is on "night duty" on the rare occasions when they wake up through the night. I no longer get hungover, I can function fine the next morning, do everything I am supposed to do - my children are number one priority, they are happy and well adjusted and have never seen me drink / drunk, I maintain healthy relationships with everyone around me, I hold down a job... it's just that at night I feel this urge to drink myself asleep. My partner has never mentioned it and to be honest I don't think he knows the full extent of the problem because he usually goes to bed after having a glass and then I drink the remainder (or sometimes bottles I've bought and put away that he doesn't know about)

The bottom line is I just don't want to do this anymore, but I do. It is affecting my health and mind, and although not really anything else yet (although I don't know how to be honest) it's a slippery slope.

I feel motivated to stop, and I have no spare money this week due to Christmas. I thought I would use this week as an opportunity to stop drinking (as I am unable to anyway this week for financial reasons) and then see if I can continue with sobriety. However I have read that it is a really bad idea to just stop and that it should be gradual or else under medical supervision and withdrawals can kill you at their worst?
Now I am completely panicking that I am going to have to seek medical advice. I am so ashamed that the idea of speaking to anybody about this in real life feels completely overwhelming. I am scared they would want to remove my children if I am an alcoholic and I really can't cope with the judgement (I judge myself enough more than anybody)

Does anybody know at which point you really would need to seek medical advice withdrawing? I'm on night one and so far feel fine (the same as I do when I have nights off) but I'm scared it is going to get worse over the next couple days.

Thanks for reading and any advice would be much appreciated.

Well if you don't need a drink in the morning I think your not yet a compulsive alcoholic but choose at this time to drink although could become one. In truth a lot of 'sober' people drink more.
DH must know your doing it unless you have a bottle pit somewhere
Kids ages aren't stated but if your drunk its hard to know who is thinking what
I think the anxiety reference probably says a lot.
As your clearly capable of rational thought I suggest you have a rain check which you appear to be doing.
If you are drinking to calm the anxiety definitely seek medical advice to update DR on full picture.
7 nights at say 2 bottles thats 56 bottles a month or (70 @ 2 & 1/2 ) - friend even the dust man knows someone's well on it. In which case so does the DH

@Gravel1 that’s not true at all. Not all alcoholics need a drink in the morning.
Would AA website have advice on how much you would need to be drinking to have medical help?
Nobody will take your children away because you want to stop drinking and be happier and healthier. That would be mad. You may need help and support to stop.
I don’t know what medication you’re on by some really mustn’t be taken with alcohol so do check. (And it’s not because it makes it less effective.)
Alcohol is a depressant. It’ll affect your anxiety, mood, cost you ££££ and you’re already feeling bad about drinking. You’ll feel so much better without that stress.
Good luck OP.

Look theres a difference between an alcoholic who could actually suffer a shock to the point of death ( an alcoholic ) and someone who is dependent on alcohol. That why the police have to call a DR to alcoholics in custody as they have been known to die when sober so yes there is a difference.

If you don't have the shakes in the am and aren't drinking to cope with those in the am, and are fine on 'off' days you should be fine and no need to taper.

It's more the litre of vodka a day where that can come in for most but it is dependant on the person of course.

Given the above I think you'll be ok.

Have you looked at The Alcohol Experiment? It’s online and free. It’s daily videos explaining how alcohol works as you get support to go 30 days without. You could also ask your question on their forum. Although I really would speak to your doctor or maybe see if there’s some online advice? You can do this

Oh yes and alcohol and anxiety chase each other around. It’s quite a tough one but you have so much to gain

I know it seems hard but in AA they take it one day at a time. So just stay off for 24 hours, see how you feel. If you feel awful by lunchtime tomorrow, try to go to a GP. If you feel ok, try to go another 24 hours.

There are Facebook support groups to help you day by day. And I think there might be a forum on here.

Congrats on getting this far, you’ve recognized the problem and want to recover, you can. You may need support IRL too and the Facebook or forum here might have some ideas for self help groups.

Good luck OP. I was sliding into a slippery slope with wine most nights not so long ago. I was smoking at the same time (I can't seem to do one without the other) which made me feel very guilty/expensive/worried about death and didn't help with the anxiety which was driving it. I've managed to cut right back by spending more time chatting on here, getting into good books, watching a lot of iPlayer and Netflix and Amazon shopping for presents. I've not stoped completely but have probably had maybe 3 bottles in 1 month, rather than in a week. As another poster said it is one day at a time. Fwiw dds dad was told he could die if he had another drink (so he told me anyway) and he was on spirits from morning to night. He would sweat profusely and shake after a few hours of not having a drink and it doesn't sound as though you are in that category yet. Well done for recognising the slippery slope and tryibg to nip it in the bud, that's the first step. I've also heard The Truth About Alcohol is meant to be good...Not got too into anything like that myself as it just made me think of drinking! Each to their own though so I thought I'd mention it. [Flowers]

Thank you everybody for being so lovely and helpful... I'm feeling a bit teary about that because I've literally never talked about this at all anywhere before because I've been too scared. Thank you.

The kids are young - 4 & 3 and we have a big supportive family, but nobody knows what's going on fully. I take the bottles up to the dump to be recycled and the ones I drink alone are stashed separately from the ones we share so nobody really can see the evidence (only me and it totally disgusts me confronting it)

I dont drink in the morning, and I don't really drink spirits (occasionally, not often) it is just wine. I don't even like it anymore. I feel as though I can feel it rotting my teeth and insides, but when I start it's like something takes over and I can't stop.

We're in Scotland where licensing laws prevent alcohol being sold after 10pm (thank god!) but I've seen it often me making excuses to walk up to the local garage at 9:50 because I've had a bottle and a half and I know I'm going to want more.

It really has taken over my nights and I just feel stuck.

I don't have shakes, but I am used to having 48 hours off, so my concern is that it'll start worse when my body is waiting on it's fix tomorrow night.

I love my babies so much, and I have a great family and a partner who I love and he loves me... I know I have so much to be grateful for, so I don't know why I feel I have to do this.

I'll have a look through all the websites and links you guys posted, thank you again for commenting x

Good luck. Plan for success. And do get support if you need it.
There’s a couple of dry threads on here if it helps.

Hi OP, you don't need to have seizures on withdrawal, have lost your job or destroyed your family life for this to be a problem. I say this because we know we have a drink problem and find ways to talk ourselves out of it. It's great that you've posted on here. There are lots of options to get help out there and its horses for courses so you might want to try a few things.

I found the Love Sober podcast really helpful and it led me to a couple of others that I've liked. They help me to stay inspired and remind me how much better it is not to be on the 'drinking, hangover, tired and impatient with the kids, I need a drink, I hate myself, I won't drink tonight, shit I did it again' merry go round.

Even thinking about this and acknowledging this is a problem is a start on the right trajectory.

Thank you Lamentations... I have felt this has been a problem for a while but my intake over the last year has just been awful. I pass out on the couch most nights still clutching a glass and wake up about 3-4am before taking myself off to bed feeling crap.

When either of the kids are unwell and are having disturbed nights I don't drink, but it's all I can think about and I hate myself for it.

I know that merry-go-round you speak of well.

I had a doctors appointment today and whilst I did not seek advice for dependancy / tell her the extend of the problem, I did say that I was often seeking calm in a wine glass and I was concerned about it. She has upped my anxiety medication (Citalopram)

I am feeling determined, but also am realistic that this is a terrible time to try stop drinking with all the Christmas temptation. But I really just don't enjoy it anymore, and don't seem to have an "off switch"

I have looked at a few links and will try do a bit more reading / mumsnet to keep my brain occupied once the kids are in bed!

It’s a good idea to have a plan. What to do when you really want a drink. Change your routine around. Good luck.

lamentations perfect summing up! It’s such a freedom- I am absolutely struck by what I have to gain.

I just want to say thank you again to everybody on this thread for taking the time to reply... I am working my way through a couple of the book suggestions online and fell asleep last night listening to podcasts (have never listened to podcasts before so that's not something I would have even known about had it not been suggested...)

My sleep pattern is terrible just now and I'm feeling a bit "brain foggy" but I do feel proud that I'm not actually struggling so far but I'm not so naive to think that I won't be at some point. (I also feel less stressed that I'll have any serious withdrawals since I'm now at the 4 day mark)

Just one more thing - I was wondering if anybody knows of any support threads for this sort of dependancy? I thought I found one and commented on it, but I think it was more for people just generally cutting down for health rather than "dependancy"

If anybody could advise / point me the direction of any it would be much appreciated

I've been on MN for a few years but I've had a break for a few months. The 'dry' thread was started a couple of years ago as an alternative to the 'Brave Babes' thread on the relationship board. Brave babes seems to be a thread for everyone who has issues with drinking and welcomes everyone whether drinking or sober to post and chat. If memory serves me well, the 'Dry' thread started as a thread for sober mners only (I recall there being a bit of 'them and us' to start with). Having looked at it again it seems to now be mostly chat about moderating. I wonder if it evolved that way as people perhaps didn't stay dry but had made friends and didn't want to stop posting there. I'm speculating, perhaps someone will come along from the thread who knows. You're right though, there doesn't seem to be a sober 'proper' thread.

How are you getting on? Just found your thread today and I’m in the process of trying to stop...at least for 2 months, maybe forever.

Hi,

I didn't last very long at all with Christmas socialising etc, but I really didn't enjoy drinking over that period either because I knew I was at a point where I wanted to stop.

I've decided to try and go for the whole year without alcohol, and I started on 02 January, so I've been dry 1 week and 3 days so far... possibly forever going forward because I know that when I start I struggle to stop.

Struggling slightly with the urges, but... I feel so much better already, my skin looks better, my eyes look sparkly and I'm generally less bloated. Must keep going!

Good luck to you...x

I am trying to give up alcohol too. By day 6 I have realised just how much I use it to counter anxiety. A bit shaky at first and insomnia. If I can go 30 days without a drink i think that will be it for good.

Hi ladies, day 13 here and it’s a new record for me! I attempted to cut it out last year but December was a write off! Feeling quite determined this time and I’m enjoying the lack of hangovers. I feel really lethargic and a bit crap tho. Where is all the extra energy I was promised?! 😂 stay strong and good luck for the next week x