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Alcohol support

I've given up drinking but I LIKE drinking- does it ever get easier?

19 replies

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 15/11/2018 08:40

DH and I drunk too much and it had started to affect us as both a couple and a family. I know that alcohol affects me (and I'm nowhere near as amusing as I think I am at the time) but DH has recently become very hard to live with due to his mood swings and temper outbursts.

We've had numerous talks and nothings come of it, then recently a crisis talk where I realised I preferred the idea of living apart to living together. He had the choice and chose to cut down, he now drinks Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and normally only two or three pints unless I'm on lates
I stopped drinking at the beginning of September as I felt I needed a clear head to deal with our issues, and I'd also felt a break was a long time coming. I've drink moderately on a couple of occasions since but that's it.

If I'm honest I'm thrilled with how easy I've found it (I was worried I would find myself with a proper addiction problem) and I'm generally happy with my new calmer, more productive life. I do however miss drinking terribly Hmm

I know I won't go back to my previous levels as that would probably be the end of my marriage, but I'm sad at the idea of being a non drinker (I don't have much self control once I've started) I was recently looking at booking a holiday cottage for a weekend and the reality hit me that there would be no more long walks with the dogs, finished off with a couple of pints in a little country pub. Christmas will be very different. Parties etc where I'm not driving will be very different.

Every morning I wake up sober I know I've made the right decision, but that decision is still really hard. I really want to get to a stage where it's not a decision but an automatic choice, rather than me dithering in the pub looking longingly at the beer pumps before opting for a soft drink.

I suppose it's still early days but I would really appreciate people regaling me with stories of how amazing their alcohol free life is!
TIA

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CarolSpatula · 15/11/2018 10:50

I stopped drinking because of medication and I felt the same! But honestly all those things you are thinking wistfully of - the pub after a long walk, Christmas drinks etc. just become replaced with other stuff in time and you’ll genuinely still look forward to those things when there’s no drinking involved. I don’t think you can force it, it will just happen over time, and you’ll discover what things replace that feeling.

Also, I found it helped just to see things in black and white so it was just 100% I couldn’t have a drink, and that got rid of all the um-ing and ahh-ing (which was really quite draining).

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CarolSpatula · 15/11/2018 10:55

Also I read the Jason Vale book and it made me see drinking in a whole new way so I don’t feel like I’m missing out. My life is much more enjoyable now because it’s less up and down-y. And I enjoy a certain level of smugness when other people have hangovers 😁

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CarolSpatula · 15/11/2018 10:56

That was supposed to be a Grin face - I’m only joking about the smugness (half joking)

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cheesefield · 15/11/2018 10:57

Is there a current sober/brave babes thread?

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TheFifthKey · 15/11/2018 10:58

I've found some great alcohol-free beers that really do the trick for me of making me feel like I've had a nice drink without feeling deprived. More and more bars stock these too, and you still get the fancy bottle experience etc.

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Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 15/11/2018 11:00

I really don't see me as a 100% teetotaller though carol. Perhaps in time as I'm aware I'm enjoying it less than I used to, just not yet Grin

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Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 15/11/2018 11:02

Ooh yes fifth, things have come a long way since the dreadful Kaliber!
I'm currently petitioning my local to stock
Brew Dogs Nanny State but have been unsuccessful so far Hmm

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llangennith · 15/11/2018 11:05

Had to be total abstinence for me. I can't drink 'now and then' so I just don't drink at all. I don't think about whether I'll have an alcoholic drink or a soft drink, I just have a large orange juice and soda water.

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CarolSpatula · 15/11/2018 11:47

I don’t get it - what is there to miss about drinking if you’re not giving up drinking? Or am I being really dense and not understanding your post Blush

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Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 15/11/2018 12:19

Sorry carol, I have had a couple drinks on a couple of occasions over the past 12 weeks or so.
I would like to drink far more and on every occasion where it is seen as acceptable, but the logical side of me knows how much there is to lose. I just want to get to the point where I actively prefer not to drink than to drink IYSWIM?

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crumbledumptious · 15/11/2018 12:20

Have a read of the Allen Carr book - How to control your alcohol - it helps you see beyond the myths of alcohol!! It may well be a big step towards enjoying your life without booze and being happy about it.

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Spanglyprincess1 · 15/11/2018 12:26

I'm bf and before that pregnant. Don't really miss alchol. You can still do the long walks and the pub! Have a nice posh coffee or posh non alcoholic drinks, some are greta. My partner and I walk baby to pub in village (3 miles round trip) two nights a week as he sleeps and I have a nice coffee, chat etc and walk home. It's screen free time and blows out the cobwebs

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MeVoila · 15/11/2018 12:36

You just have to keep working at it. It's an effort and conscious decision to not drink now, but if you can keep chipping away, it will become an easier habit, it will become unconscious and just what you do.
I was the same with giving up smoking- I'd think what is the point of going out if i can't smoke... At times I couldn't think of anything else. But I just kept at it with occasional minor relapses and now I don't think about smoking ever.
Don't define yourself negatively as a "non-drinker". Define yourself as something positive.
Keep at it.
From the widow of a drinker.

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CarolSpatula · 15/11/2018 13:21

Ahh I get you. In that case I think give the Jason Vale book a go, it makes you look at drinking in a different way so you might be able to happily avoid it on more occasions

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Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 15/11/2018 19:44

mevoila Flowers
The health aspect is one of the biggest frighteners for me. DH and I have recently almost split, partly because of his behaviour when drinking and partly because of my fear of ending up in your position.
My illogical mind wants to go to the pub tomorrow night (DS is away at camp) and get totally shitfaced. The logical part of me says that I will regret it, I'll feel like shit in the morning and my weekend will be wasted as I moon around the house like a damp dishcloth.
Recently the logical part of me is winning more often than the illogical, I'd just like to shake off the feeling that I might be missing something great by staying sober

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MeVoila · 15/11/2018 22:26

It was frightening for me how quickly DH tipped into addiction. He lost his job and went from having a few whiskies in the evening to death in 15 months, with lots of heartache for me and his 2 Dss along the way. They were 4 and 9 and he went from being a loving father to not giving a shit about them. I'm not po faced about drink- my cupboard under the sink is always stocked.... but I never drink alone and never drink just to get drunk. I've seen the misery it can cause when it gets out of hand.

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Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 16/11/2018 00:05

DH has admitted in the past that he could easily become that person meviola which terrifies me.
He's adamant he never actually would but acknowledges how easy it would be to slide down that slope. I OTOH have seen those small changes just cropping up slowly and insidiously, and I know that I can't do it. So I will leave, for the sake of my own sanity and for DS's well-being.
I hope with all my heart that it will not come to that, and if my not drinking contributes towards that then it is worth it.

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MeVoila · 16/11/2018 06:34

It's a good decision to cut back massively on your own drinking. Drinking doesn't solve anything and can wreck your health and your loved ones' lives.
As for your husband stopping , only he can make that decision. However, if he won't and he's horrible to be around and difficult to live with, he is not your responsibility. There's always AA or Al-Anon for a bit of support???
I truly wish you well.

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Cottipus · 18/11/2018 21:19

I think the trick is to find activities where alcohol isn’t the central theme. So I would avoid for example parties where the booze is flowing and everyone else is getting tipsy as it’ll only normalise excessive drinking (and you’ll feel fed up or succumb).

Have a walk but choose a lovely coffee shop rather than a pub. Go late night Christmas shopping and look at the Christmas lights. Go and see a show or a movie rather than going to a bar. You can still have nightlife but without the drinking.

Focus on how well you feel and remind yourself how far you’ve come. Think about how much better your mood is without a hangover.

It is early days and I think in time you will be able to enjoy one drink without craving more, but your drinking habit was presumably built over a long period and it’ll take some time to adjust.

Well done on cutting down and good luck going forward, for you and DH.

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