Help 😞Can no longer deal with my binge drinking Mum 😞

[Ruperbear]

I am at the end of my tether with my Mum. She binge drinks and often has to have an ambulance called. I have over the years tried everything to help. I really no longer no where to turn. I find myself crying a lot. I get my hopes up when she stops but it soon starts again. I have tried so many organisations doctors etc. No one is interested. It affects my life even though I do not live with her. It affects my own family life and I have literally had enough. The feelings of guilt I have as she is my Mum is overbearing. My mum brought up my sister and brothers up and was a good mum. It’s just so hard to listen to promises and lies.

I sympathise. I was coming on here to start a 'venting' thread which I'll do seperately so as not to hijack yours. The only answer I have is boundaries. You decide what and how much to give and that's it because people like this suck the life out of you.

Thanks for the message SaraCara. I understand that there are a lot of people in a similar situation. So many people tel me to just wash your hands of it all. But I can’t as she is my Mum and I love her and I know my lovely Caring Mum is in there and she would be mortified if she realized the pain she causes. I am making the most of her sober times and trying not to be a constant nag as I know I can’t change her. That’s down to her.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

this isn't your problem to solve

Yup. 10 am and 2 absive voicemails. I’ve blocked my dad on my phone but need to get to providers to do voicemails. Haven’t spoken to him for over a year and I don’t think he even noticed. Just a sponge or punchbag.

Sorry for bringing my own problems in but you’re not alone. You can’t keep making this your problem. Keep your expectations low and you won’t be disappointed.

This comes with much strength & good wishes.

I could have written that, and indeed planned to write a similar post today. I have no answers and also have looked to lots of professionals for help to no avail. You are not alone. I am going to contact Al-anon.

Thank you for your responses. You are all right of course.❤️ I know I should step back and I do to some extent but when she is sober and chatting I ache for my Mum and even though I know it will not last I can’t help but get sucked in to the Mum that was before her drink became a real problem. Drink is a huge problem in society but there is totally zero help in our area for it. I feel guilty for talking about her to others behind her back and totally disloyal. I would do anything for her. She really was a super mum. But the last 10 years have been a living hell.
I wish all of you the Best. To have others understand is very comforting.

It really is hell. So far this weekend, I've had threats of suicide and drunken phone calls from my father. I've blocked his phone just to get a break. I have to be so strict as if I don't then he'll drag me down too. He lives a few hours away but since splitting from my step mum a year ago, he keeps hinting to live with me. As in, live in my house with DH and 2 children. The grandchildren he has nothing to do with. Not just that, he expects me to arrange it all for him, drive him back for hours and let him live for free and do what he likes which will involve drinking all day, lying in bed for wetting and crapping himself. . When I say no, he tells me I don't care and whinges likes a petulant child. He is totally incapable of seeing anything than from his view. It has made him the most self absorbed, manipulative person imaginable.

And the worse part is, I know it won't stop until he dies and there's a big part of me that would just wish that's what would happen. Sometimes the phone goes and it's a number I don't know, and I think "is this it?"

Trickytime. I am so sad for you. Stay strong. X