when the addict won't discuss it ...

[notsurewhatshappening]

...how do you deal with it?

I phoned al anon tonight and am going to a meeting next week. DH has a drink problem and I haven't seen him drink for 8 weeks. He stopped after drinking driving on holiday and I think he has relapsed once but I'm not with him 24/7. He works away overnight often. He was drinking 60 units a week. His dad is a recovering alcoholic who cannot touch a drop.

Tonight I came home shattered after a 12 hour day at work. He said he was going to the local sports club to watch a league match. I didn't believe him. There's a bar and I think he intended to sit there on his own and drink. I suggested nicely that it wasn't a good idea. He huffed and went to bed. He didn't drink but he NEVER talks to me about it. Even if I approach him when it's a good time he won't so I've given up. I haven't been pushy. In fact I've only asked him about it twice in 8 weeks.

I feel there's a massive unspoken issue here because he's not getting any support to stay dry and I worry every day he will drink. I don't drink in the house now and have only had a drink twice in the 8 weeks. To be honest I would have liked a glass of wine tonight but most nights it doesn't bother me at all.

I need to know what to do...can anyone help please?

I'm sorry you haven't had any responses to this post. I don't have a lot of useful advice to give, I'm afraid.

Your husband is displaying classic behaviour of the 'dry drunk'. He is resentful. Currently his resentment is that he isn't drinking. He is used to drinking alcohol to cope with/mask whatever it is that makes him unhappy. To move past that, he needs to uncover the root cause of his addiction. But it needs to come from him, whether through AA or therapy. Unfortunately, we can't force someone to do that...no more than we can force a person not to drink. If he wants to drink, he will find a way. If he is still drinking, which he very well may be, he will find ways to continue that. It needs to come from him.

I think going to AL-ANON is a good idea for you. There will be people there well equipped to support and advise you.

Thank you. What you're saying rings true. It's nice not to feel so alone.