Struggling

[revoveryishard]

Day 5 of being sober after a 3 months relapse. I also have bipolar so it's related to that. Had an episode 3 months ago, started drinking again as I felt so depressed, then had a nervous breakdown, had a massive drinking/drug binge and tried to kill myself.

Now on day 5 of being sober, have a mental health nurse, supportive parents and friends, hypnotherapist, excellent gp but I still feel alone, broken and deflated.

Kids are hard work, I'm always shouting at them because I feel so stressed. I am loosing my hair, my eczema is terrible and I feel I have no purpose as I can't work due to my illness. I love my kids but I want a life and I don't know how I can enjoy one without alcohol. I know I have to stop drinking as it is ruining my life but it so tough. Last time I managed 7 months but this time feels such a struggle and I still want to reach for that bottle.

How can my life be good and fulfilled, how can I get out of this crippling depression and feeling of hopelessness 😂

I don't know OP But as the child of a bipolar alcoholic who died from acute alcohol intoxication, please keep fighting. Even if they don't seem it, your kids need you to fight because they would be lost without you

I intend to fight hard for my babies. I only normally drink when I'm manic but the breakdown changes things and I drank through that. I'm desperate to stop, I don't want my kids affected any more than they already have been. I'm sorry you had to grown up with that, it must have been awful for you 😢

Hi recoveryishard, just wanted to say you’re not alone and I can relate to your post. I also have bipolar and would drink when manic or having a mixed episode. However since finding medication that seems to be working for me I have been able to stay sober relatively easily for over a year. I understand how hard it can be and how demoralising when you are doing so well and then have an episode which messes everything up, including staying sober. Having to start again every time is so hard.

Are you taking medication for your bipolar? I have found being stable is the only thing that has kept me from drinking as (I’m sure you know) when you’re manic there is just no control or self awareness and everything just goes out the window!

Anyway just wanted to say hi because your situation sounds similar to mine and I’m here if you want to talk