DH alcohol and our children

[cloudsparkles]

My DH and I have been having a lot of problems. He has been diagnosed with ADHD recently and he is very impulsive and has a history of substance abuse. He's always been a drinker but always made me feel like it was normal I guess. I'm pretty much tee total so I didn't realise he was drinking more than the average drinker. He's having 1-2 bottles of red wine a night or 1 bottle and several beers I would guess.

He blames me for the drinking. He says that I am never happy with him which makes him sad so he turns to drink. We recently moved and he promised a new start at the new house but he's still drinking every day.

We have two small children and the other day he picked up the baby and dropped her when he was drunk. I had told him not to but he kept saying he's not drunk, he's fine. Luckily she was above her sleepyhead and she was fine but it shocked me. He said it shocked him too. He stopped drinking for a couple of days, but then started again. My eldest isn't aware of what's happening but he talks nonsense to him sometimes when he's drunk.

I don't know what to do. We live in a rented house. Can I ask him to leave? Does he have to leave? Will he demand access to the children? Does he have a right to? I'm worried about him looking after them without me there.

Our relationship isn't great generally and this is just the tip of the iceberg but I know underneath he's a good man and the adhd diagnosis and the fact that he is struggling with symptoms is causing a lot of this but he can't get medication for his adhd because his liver has problems. And he can't try to change this without coming off the alcohol.

I'm losing patience and I'm not sure what to do. Advice please ? I'm really unhappy with the way adhd is impacting our relationship so maybe it is my fault for always being annoyed at him and driving him to drink like he says.

Hi,

Can I just start by saying this and I think it is the most important thing - YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PARTNERS DRINKING!! Only he is responsible for his actions. Unfortunately addicts are really manipulative and they often try to blame other people for their drinking. Please, please do not feel like this is your fault.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and thankfully she gave her and many, many years of abuse, and am currently in what seems to be the early stages of alcoholism with my partner, go figure I'd end up with an alcoholic.

I need to say this to you and I only say this because without knowing you I care so much about you- get out! Your husband is a full blown alcoholic; the amount he is drinking is crazy and the fact that he drinks every day is even worse. And he has become a danger to your children. I know you say that you think your children do not notice, but that will not last forever, and you would be surprised at how intuitive kids are. I knew from a young age there was something wrong with my Mom before I even knew what alcohol was. I feel for him that he has just been diagnosed with ADHD but this cannot be used as another excuse for him to drink the way he does. The sad thing with alcoholics is they often need to hit rock bottom before they can stop. And maybe you leaving is the thing that needs to be done.

Do you work? Is your husband the main breadwinner? Have you family you can stay with? You can ask him to leave, it is your home but whether he leaves or not depends on your husband. I asked my partner to leave once and he refused, it made me feel so worthless and degraded as he is the main income but I have my parents close by so I went to them. I hope you have people around that can support you. And I also advice you to plan and prepare before you go. Have you money saved? I am currently saving to go unless my partner behaviour changes and he stops drinking. I hope you are ok but you need to get away from that toxic environment. You can't control his drinking or his behaviour but you can control what environment your children are raised in. They are your number one priority. I just really think you need to get out. I hope this message helps. Xxxx