I've hit rock bottom

[MissyMoooo]

I’ve crashed. I’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve can’t get out of bed. My head hurts and I have no energy. I can’t remember going to bed last night (again). I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I’m a 48 years old woman who hasn’t had a day without a drink for over 5 years. I don’t recognise myself any more. I look in the mirror and see an old grey puffy face with a beer belly. I’m so ashamed of myself. I will never admit this to anybody EVER but I need to stop and it needs to be today. I’m currently listening to my DH and DD chatting away to each other downstairs and I can’t face them. Once it gets to 5pm I will have talked myself into a drink again, forgetting how bad I feel now, so I am writing it down and putting it out there so that when I feel the urge I can re-read it. Please tell me how you got through this and help me to stay sober before I end up losing everything.

You'll get through this, do you have the support of your dh and dd. If you feel ready to quit drinking you need to do it safely with medical help. You can take yourself off to hospital and explain the situation, you can call 111 and ask for a doctor to ring you.

I do have their support. I don't want to drink again after today but I crave it. Is it not safe to go cold turkey without medical advice?

Don't go cold turkey and don't try to do this alone.

You have the support of your lovely family, that will help you so much. If you drink regularly your body gets used to it so it's safer to have medical help, it can make you feel pretty rotten to just stop, if you want to there are helpline like a.a. who you can call and plenty of information on the internet.

Look for Kevin O'Hara (Alcohol Mastery) on YouTube then binge watch his videos - he's an ex-drinker and tells it like it is. You can do this. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone who's been where you are :)

@FurryDogMother thank you! I don't want to wait until I speak to a doctor, I fear that if I do it gives me an excuse to keep drinking in the meantime :( I will search for online help and also check out YouTube. Thank you m, you're all amazing. I knew I would get support from MN

Whether or not it's safe to go cold turkey depends on how much you have been drinking OP.

You absolutely can do this but you’ve got to feel good about doing it. What I mean by that is that staying sober should make you feel so much better than even having one drink.

It’s time for you to nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself. Lots of pampering and distractions.

I really recommend the following books to keep focused and change your mindset:

Alcohol explained. William Porter
My naked mind Annie Grace
Allen Carr ‘s book is a bit preachy but not bad.

Depending on how much you drink you may/may not need medical help when giving up. Alcohol addiction for most people is mental. (Seriously read the alcohol explained book- it explains why people get addicted and how to overcome it. It’s excellent)

I will never admit this to anybody EVER

Unfortunately this is the thing that will prevent you from making progress. If you seriously want to change, you need to start telling people. To give you accountability, to get support. Start by telling your DH you don't want to drink tonight and can he help you when the cravings start. Prepare for the 5 o'clock trigger point and how you'll distract yourself - could you and he go out for a walk? Is there alcohol in the house? If yes, can he remove it all and make sure you can't access it?

I always recommend this book - great, non-judgemental, full of lots of useful advice.

Next step is to get yourself to the GP. It's worth having your liver function tested, although this may give false reassurance as the results can be within normal range for quite a long time after the damage has started. The liver can recover, though. There's no better day to set yourself on the road to recovery.

Thank you! Lots of great advice here. I will order these books today. The crazy thing is, I stopped smoking 5 years ago (by reading the Allen Carr book) so I know I have willpower. The sad thing is I replaced the cigarettes with alcohol. I can now easily drink 6 bottles of beer ever night along with a cocktail or two. It's excessive I know, and I don't know how I got to this stage from one or 2 beers at night.

Have you ever been to AA?

I can recommend it

@BernadetteMatthews I haven't been to AA. I've thought about it many times but I'm terrified that I'll see someone I know. I quite a prominent person in my town.

OP AA is anonymous. What happens in the room should stay in the room.

For myself I found that willpower alone was not enough, I needed AA and a sponsor who I speak with regularly.

As an idea have a look at the AA big book online, read some of the first chapter and see if you identify with it.

Most people that know me know that I am an alcoholic. They also know that I get support and work through the programme and as a result have had little to no judgement. Before telling people, I realised I was judging myself and didn't want to give myself that label.

You can do this but you have to do it for you.

Definitely recommend AA. It's actually full of high profile people so you won't stand out at all.
My DH is 25 years sober this year and I met him after he sobered up.
As you're still living with your family, you might not have reached your rock bottom yet so I urge you to ask your DH for support and google your nearest AA meeting today, go to one and find yourself a sponsor.
You can do this!

Thanks guys! Seriously considering AA now. Also bought This Naked Mind as recommended by PP and I swear she could be writing about me!
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one!

I swear she could be writing about me!
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one!

OP for the first month of quitting I immersed myself in books like the ones I recommended. And blogs. Lots of self indulgent time after work, relaxing baths and early nights spent reading books like this. They helped me MASSIVELY get through the first month.

Please don’t talk yourself out of AA on the basis of confidentiality. My friend did this. She’s now lost her child and husband, and is unemployed and homeless. Her original unnecessary concern about the shame and notoriety of attending AA is nothing in comparison to the shit show her life is now. Well known or not.
Please find an AA group you like, a sponsor, and good luck with your journey. Don’t talk yourself out of it.

Your local council should be able to signpost you to an alcohol support group. You can get referred on to get a support worker. These are normally people who have been through the exact same as you.

Our local support service is called CGL (Change Grow Live).
They are fantastic, anonymous & completely non judgemental.

Please don't just stop drinking & go tee total. You need to slowly come off.
Otherwise you can get alcohol withdrawal which is very harmful.

Hi OP how are you getting on?

It's Tuesday today, always a shit day of the week, the kind of in between day.

Hope you're ok, did you manage to find an AA group. I too can recommend it.