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Alcohol support

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85 year old drinking rather a lot - problem?

25 replies

Papergirl1968 · 26/06/2018 20:58

DM is 85 and in the early stages of dementia. Still living independently with support from family but short term memory is getting worse.
She’s liked a drop of whisky at night for many years but we are concerned that a drop has turned into a very generous measure. For some time she’s been getting through a one litre bottle each week. I bought her one last Thursday and by Monday there was only a drop left, so she’d had the majority of the bottle over four nights. She is only petite, by the way.
For a few years she’s sounded slurred in the evenings on the phone and a few weeks ago my sister was called round as DM had accidentally triggered her alarm and she said DM virtually had to crawl up the stairs to bed. The next day she had a word with her about how much she was drinking and asked her to cut down but it seems DM hasn’t.
My adult niece, who is a health professional, thinks we should leave her a small amount of whisky only and tell her it is to last for the week but DM would hate being treated like a child.
I don’t drink at all so am struggling to decide if she has a problem or not. According to what I found on the internet a bottle should last about three weeks if someone is having a double measure every night, so to get through one bottle in four nights she must be having a lot.
At 85 does it matter that much if she has a drink to help her sleep? Or is it something we really need to come down firmly on?

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Grasslands · 26/06/2018 21:05

Her dementia is probably made worse by the drinking. She may possibly not even remember or realize how many drinks she had.
I’d make sure her dr. knows, and may consider cutting her whisky with water. But hopefully a d&a counsellor will come on with some ideas.

Papergirl1968 · 27/06/2018 18:37

Thank you, Grass - it seems to be a vicious circle. The drinking makes the dementia worse and she forgets she’s had a drink so has another.
It never occurred to me to water the whisky down, good thinking!

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TheEmmaDilemma · 27/06/2018 18:46

I'd be worried mainly because it's likely she's not realising how much she is consuming and it's can't be good for her.

Can you buy a smaller bottle so she maybe realises more how quickly she is consuming it?

I wouldn't stop her though, at 85 it's her life to live.

HeGotManFlu · 27/06/2018 18:48

A bottle in 4 nights is way too much, one single measure is enough. I would water it down for now and buy miniatures, lock them away. She is putting herself at great risk. She could have a nasty fall, be sick, leave the gas or water running, not be able to seek help and it could interact with any meds if she's on them. Tbh I'd stop buying it for her and ask the Dr to see her, ask if there is a safer alternative to help her relax.

MizCracker · 27/06/2018 18:55

I can’t help but think that at 85 and with dementia you shouldn’t worry too much about its effect upon her health, because as someone up thread has pointed out, she’s an adult and probably doesn’t have too many pleasures.

The issue is safety. Does she drink to excess because she can’t remember that she’s already had a couple? If so, there’s bigger problems to deal with than booze, mainly is she safe to carry on living alone?

Sympathies - I’ve been there with my grandmother and it’s a shitty road to be on.

acornsandnuts · 27/06/2018 18:58

Can you water it down?

Halfblindbunny · 27/06/2018 19:03

Does someone go round everyday who can just leave enough whiskey for that night? She probably has a drink, sees the bottle in the side and thinks 'oh I must have been going to put myself a drink' and have another one without really meaning to drink to excess.

OhDearMavis · 27/06/2018 19:12

She's 85!
Let her drink what she wants

Halfblindbunny · 27/06/2018 19:25

OhDearMavis and when she falls down the stairs drunk and breaks a hip, what should she do then?!

Slartybartfast · 27/06/2018 19:26

can you offer her a marker pen, or tippex, so she knows?
or miniature bottles?

fruitcider · 27/06/2018 19:53

Does she have mental capacity to make unwise decisions about whiskey drinking? If yes then leave her be. I can't believe people would suggest watering her booze down or locking it away without checking her capacity out, she's 85 not 15!

HeGotManFlu · 27/06/2018 20:31

Perhaps It's her choice if she has the mental capacity to choose how much she wants to drink, to accept that is might be causing her harm, but it wouldnt be fair if other people are having to buy it, supposing she has a terrible accident, I'd feel awful. If she doesn't remember how much she has had then isn't it in her best interests to try and keep her as safe as possible.

Fairylea · 27/06/2018 20:36

My mum loves a drink and has lots of chronic health conditions and finds a lot of relief in alcohol, both stress wise and physically pain wise. At 85 I say let her crack on with it. It sounds awfully blunt but at that age how much time can one person have left? Let them live it how they choose. If safety is an issue from a fire risk or call point of view get the best smoke alarms you can and also consider a safety alarm that can be worn and pressed to alert help.

chickywoo · 27/06/2018 20:40

Totally agree with the fact that she may have the capacity to make unwise decisions, but if those unwise decisions are putting her at risk then maybe a bit of mild intervention is needed? What If she ends up having some kind of accident/incident due to being Inebriated? Can you have an honest conversation about it with her and explain the risks etc? Do she have any insight about her diagnoses or does she think she’s ‘fine’?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/06/2018 20:41

My grandmother had dementia but loved a dram. It made her happy but we did worry it might be too much. I would second the idea of leaving just enough in the bottle for her to enjoy a drink or two, but not get blootered. She had some worrying falls and at that age you can’t always come back from a fracture.

chickywoo · 27/06/2018 20:41

*diagnosis

fruitcider · 27/06/2018 22:00

but if those unwise decisions are putting her at risk then maybe a bit of mild intervention is needed?

No. That is depriving someone of their liberties. That is not allowed...

Redtartanshoes · 27/06/2018 22:10

My grandad was the same, only he didn’t have dementia. It was a pleasure for him. My mum used to go mad.

He passed away in feb aged 89. I’d love to be able to pour a whisky for him now

BrownTurkey · 27/06/2018 22:25

Yes, my relative forgets she has just had a cup of tea, or that she has fed the dog, hence fat pooch and high caffeine intake! (Don’t worry the dog feeding has been managed now). I don’t know - up to her how much she has to drink in her own home, even if unwise and puts her at increased risk, but she doesn’t have the capacity to self limit. I think I might just keep the bottle at a low level, topped up regularly.

HeGotManFlu · 27/06/2018 23:00

If someone is buying alcohol for themselves, are aware of the risks involved then that's their choice but other people also have the right to choose not buy alcohol for someone else, pour it out for them or help them when they have had too much. Excess Alcohol damages health regardless off someones age.

TatterdemalionAspie · 27/06/2018 23:07

Bloody hell, if I get to 85 and DD decides she's going to 'come down firmly' on how much whisky I want to drink, I'll piss in her cup of tea. Brew Gin Grin

She's 85, let the woman drink herself to death if she wants to!

chickywoo · 27/06/2018 23:37

Having a conversation with a capacitous person about their alcohol intake isn’t depriving them of their liberty Confused

Papergirl1968 · 27/06/2018 23:44

Blimey, some mixed views, which actually echo the mixture of views I have myself.
To answer one question, mom doesn’t realise she has dementia, I don’t think, but she does know she’s getting more forgetful.
She has smoke alarms and a pendant alarm.
She will buy her own bottle when one of us takes her shopping once a week, or if she’s not up to it, will ask us to get one for her with other bits and pieces of grocery. She can’t get to the shops by herself.
I think we should at least monitor it much more closely and not be dashing off to replace the bottle when she runs out mid week. I’ll have to talk to my sisters.
Mom would hate to be described as having a drink problem but it seems fairly indisputable that she does.
Thanks, everyone.

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wannabebetter · 21/08/2018 08:31

@Papergirl1968 I know this is couple months old but wondered how things are now? My df is drinking way too much & eating v little. He too is getting v forgetful and then cross at dm as denied she's told him something! Both of them start with g&t mid afternoon, then wine with dinner then he hits the whisky! Dm has cut right back but he's ridiculous! He's almost 90 & we're torn between trying to look after him & leaving him alone to do what he wants!! Has fallen couple times - no injuries as yet but only a matter of time...Hmm

Papergirl1968 · 21/08/2018 11:25

Still pretty much the same, Wanna.
We haven’t really made any changes in terms of her accessing alcohol. It’s a real dilemma.
I don’t think DM eats properly either, and we are starting to suspect she doesn’t take all of her tablets.
Her short term memory is poor, and she’s started getting slightly muddled now about the past.
It’s so hard when your parents become almost like children.

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