Kind of realising I might have a problem

[Feelingsolost]

So I always thought alcoholism was waking up, drinking and not stopping but after a particularly bad night, I've realised I might have an issue. See I don't drink constantly but when I do, I have no control over it whatsoever. I become a complete psycho. It's ruining relationships and friendships. My partner has told me he's never going out with me again because I'm such an embarrassment.
I do drink alone some nights after work. Only one or two if it's been a stressful day. I'm going to work away soon and all I can think about is the two cocktails I'm going to have when I get there.
I don't really know what to do from here on in.

I've heard many people say that the most vital first step is actually realising and admitting to yourself that you do have a problem. So we'll done for admitting this and wanting to change things.

My ex was similar, he couldn't admit to himself for a very long time that he had a problem with alcohol. He didn't drink every day and would often go weeks, occasionally months, without drinking. But once he had a drink that was it, he couldn't stop himself and would then lose control of his behaviour completely at times. I think it's often much harder to accept this is a big issue than it is for people who drink constantly to accept it.

I'm sure others who are far more knowledgeable and have gone through this themselves will be along to advise you, but just wanted to wish you all the best. Wanting to change things is a massive step in the right direction

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. I've woken up and my boyfriend hates me and says he's never going to go out with me drinking again and I abandoned my friends, almost got into a fight. It's not a good way to be and I know i need to figure something out.

It also makes me so anxious and stressed the next day and I hate it.

But it's a tough one. I just told my friend and she thinks I'm being a bit over dramatic but I really can't keep on doing this.

I could of wrote that myself because u have just described what I'm going through so clearly. And it's such a relief to know I'm not the only one battling this. My mother was an alcoholic so I grew up around beer, it was normal. Everyone I know likes to drink so once again it was normal. I started drinking a few at the end of the day, relieve stress and help me sleep. I enjoyed it so I started drinking more. Just like u i don't drink every day but when I start I can't stop. I black out almost everytime and wake up with no memory of what I have done. I have lost so many friends from this and I actually feel like everyone hates me. Got into a fight the other day, then had people slagging me off on Facebook. Decided I need to stop drinking altogether but sometimes I'm not sure if I can. I think I have a problem because I no it's wrong for me but I still do it. So glad I found this post because I'm honestly going thru the same. I am only on my 2nd day not drinking but I have to keep trying. Good luck xxx

It sounds like you are already on the way to resolve this. You have identified that there’s a problem and know what the solution is. The far bigger question is why do you drink? You clearly get rather feisty and angry when you drink so you can’t think that’s fun? You don’t need to drink and can go days without one so you are definitely strong enough to make a choice-but it needs to be your choice. Do what is best for you